A few habits of mind to get things done

This time, share a few habits I’ve been practicing for a long time.

I hope it will help you to get more done in the New Year.

1. Design the frame of the finished product first
After reading the first two articles, many friends may think: I have an idea, then I should act immediately, don’t think too much.
But it’s not. Before taking action, one step is essential. That is: imagine what the finished product will look like when it is finished.
From a product to a project to an article, I spend about 10% of my time thinking about it before I start:

What problem am I solving by making it?

What will the finished product consist of? What does each section contain in general?

What are the key nodes in the process of doing this?

Why? For two reasons:

design the finished frame to direct your actions and minimize the“Futility” of the process.

2) more importantly, this link will keep you motivated to take action and keep you motivated to get it done.
In 2018, psychologist Emmanuel Manalo conducted an experiment. He asked 131 participants to write a paper, and the experimental group to design the overall framework and structure of the paper before writing it; the control group started writing it. And stop them at different times.
It found that participants who designed the framework first were generally more motivated to finish the paper-even if they were behind the others.
Here’s why: When we imagine the finished product in advance, we go from“Building the whole” to“Filling in the frame.”. In the latter case, it is easier to observe how close we are to completion. This“Absence” keeps the project in our minds and drives us to finish it as soon as possible.
This is a positive application of the CICCONI effect: by keeping the finished product“Unfinished,” we increase our motivation to fill it.
Therefore, the“Image of the finished product” and the“Final reality” does not have to be the same. In the process of“Filling in the frame,” you discover that the frame has many flaws, and you can make adjustments that are so different from the original idea that it’s fine.The most important thing about it is that it provides a constant motivation for your actions and keeps you in a“Catch-up” state at all times.
In fact, that’s how I get a lot of my writing done: Before I write, I frame the whole thing with a few key words — I never outline, because most of the time, i wouldn’t have followed the outline at all — I’d have laid out a logical line:Why can I draw such a conclusion, what is the reason, what are the main influencing factors, what is the support. And so on.
Then, according to this logical line to consult information, add cases, fill the content, as it“Trunk”, so that the details of the article become more prosperous and full.
In the process, it is entirely possible to change the details, the priorities, and eventually even the theme, but that does not matter. As long as the core logic line does not deviate, the core of the article is tenable.
So one suggestion:

Set aside a period of time (I’m around 10% , for example) to think about what the finished product will look like before you start.

The time has come, whether or not it is perfect, to start with this framework as the basis for action.

In action, and then combined with actual feelings and feedback, to adjust the framework. While fine-tuning, while filling.

Another interesting technique is the “Hemingway effect,” which also works in common: if a task requires continuous action, so when the urge to act is at its most intense and you know exactly what to do next, stop, pause, and take a break.
Why? Because in this situation, when you go back to your previous work, you can minimize the time it takes to“Get into the zone” and take action in one go.

2. Creation and generation
My translation of Dirty beginning. Put simply: When you have a framework for the finished product, start filling it in, no matter how poorly or poorly you start.
A lot of people’s mindset is, “I’ll start when I’m ready. Make sure every step is perfect.”. The best way to counter this inertia is to“Scratch”: keep the first step as simple as possible, so that every step after that is an uphill climb.
When your mindset is“Make sure every step is perfect,” your expectations are very high. So, when you actually do something, what’s the easiest thing to focus on? The gap between reality and ideal. This gap will continue to create pressure on you, the formation of resistance.
But in turn, when you take a simple first step, it becomes a new reference point. Every step after you, just need to be better than the first step, can continue to improve, make up, it will be OK.
So, what is generation?
Build corresponds to build. Plan every step in advance, do not need to spend brain, step by step to do it out, this is the construction.
(generated)。In turn, we should first lay out the general trunk, direction and key nodes, and then, around this framework, we should conceive the fragments one by one, and let them collide, compare, compete, and eventually precipitate and combine spontaneously, the rudiments of the finished product are organized — this is generated.
For traditional projects (such as engineering construction) , must rely on the way the construction, planning every step, tight fit, can not have any mistakes.
But for projects that focus on innovation, generation is a better approach. It allows you to explore as many possibilities as you can, within the limits of the necessary conditions, and to put them together into an ordered whole.
Each of its components may not“Fit together” as tightly as they should, but it allows you to go beyond the conventional possibilities.
How do the two come together?The initial mindset reduces resistance for every step you take: any action that helps with the results and framework can be incorporated;

And the resulting thought patterns, can help you put these steps, actions together, let them compete with each other, and ultimately precipitate a more effective way to integrate into a whole.
Big to a business model, a product, a small article, a solution, can be combined with the way of drafting and generation, to achieve its“Cold start”, let it first land to practice, then slowly adjust in action, spiral up.

3. Face the unknown and fear
Why do we procrastinate, fail and give up when we have a plan and know what to do?
Many times, the problem is not the challenge itself, but the challenge of our unknown and fear.
When you face a new challenge, it activates our“Threat recognition” system in the amygdala. With this system, we will:

it’s easier to focus on the difficulty and newness of the situation (where experience is at odds)

magnify this difficulty and the new sex, and magnify the consequences of failure, resulting in a disastrous Lenovo.

3)3) tend to adopt avoidance behaviors to avoid facing the new opposite sex directly.
In a nutshell: we are more susceptible to fear, overestimating the difficulty and risk of a challenge, and thus more inclined to avoid it, delay it, and not face it.
Driven by this mindset, it’s easy to fall into the trap of the Parkinson effect, where we keep doing the easy things, the easy things, and saving the hardest challenges for last Until there is no time, then one breath to“Sprint”, leave it to fate, as short as possible“Face it” time.
This is inefficient. Because in the process of procrastination and avoidance, these thoughts are actually causing you constant stress and anxiety.
In short: fear of the Unknown is the biggest limiting factor in our effectiveness and ability to act.
So it’s a good idea to frame the finished product while also thinking about what parts of the process I’ve never been in contact with? What are some things that I might find difficult? What is my greatest fear?
Then, put them in the front row and give them priority.
In other words: not to“Shorten” the time to face it, but to“Advance” the time.
For example: When I first gave an online lecture a few years ago, what worried me the most? I’ve never been on the air before. Do I Stutter? Do I Stutter?
So what do I do? I immediately made a summary, typed a draft, a person at home to speak, practice up.
The first exercise didn’t work out so well, but it made it clear to me that the worst-case scenario was over and there was nothing to worry about. On this basis, I practice every time, is getting better.
On this basis, and then to slowly conceptualize the theme, polished content, step by step to adjust.
What is the most effective way to release fear? Not to avoid, but to face. Let Yourself Do the hardest thing, and you’ll find that it’s really just that.
It takes a little bit of gumption, but once you’ve taken the first step, there’s a path to follow.
Even if you don’t, you’ll have plenty of time and opportunity to think about alternatives and Plan B. It’s better than putting it off until the last minute.

4. Control 15% of your progress
This is an interesting approach.
In the third point I mentioned: When You Face A new challenge, you will be more likely to focus on its new and difficult, and magnify it. At this point, you will be blocked by it, and thus lose momentum.
An effective way to do this is to try to break it down first, then use a pattern that you’re familiar with to“Fit” as much as possible to the parts that are broken down.
For example: You Want to do a program, it is strange to you, then, might as well put it to decompose, into a number of small programs. For each small project, look for similar patterns in your experience, and try to migrate and apply the past to achieve the same or similar results.
But it’s not the most effective way to turn a problem into a familiar pattern — it eliminates the potential for feedback and improvement.
So, there’s a balance to be controlled here.
I have a “15% rule of thumb”: When I do something that goes beyond the bounds of experience, make sure that 85% of it is familiar and manageable, and the other 15% is Everything Changes and adaptive, in this premise, often can achieve both results and growth results.
For example: Improvisation is something I’m not good at. What Am I good at? Is the design and planning of content. So Can I first prepare the content, and then through repeated practice, so that they are very familiar with, and even become“Automated processing.”.On top of that, with about 15% improvisation, do some fine-tuning and tweaking to suit the occasion?
15% is an interesting number. A 2019 nature paper found that learning is best when you have an 85 percent accuracy rate (corresponding to a 15 percent error rate or uncertainty) .
Scale also mentions a“Law of scale”: when a system doubles in size, the base support required increases by 0.85 times, meaning that 15% of the space is saved, we can explore new possibilities.
So, when you’re faced with a new challenge, it’s very high, probably over 15% , up to 50% , 70% … Try This:1) decompose it into multiple nodes and steps.2) for each step, replace some of the content in a way that you are familiar with and in control of.3) the ultimate state is to make sure that every step you take is controlled by“85% old mode, 15% new mode”.
This is perhaps the most appropriate level of“Out of your comfort zone”.

5. Strengthen the implicit self
In the third point, I said: What is the greatest resistance to our actions? It is often the unknown and the fear that comes with“Threat identification”.
What, in turn, can overcome this uncertainty and fear? That means I’m not motivated. What do I do? The“Implicit self” mentioned in.
That is, when the threat recognition system is activated, you are focused on the new and difficult aspects of the task, and your attention and control points are external. Then all you have to do is try to pull it back inside:From“How hard it is,”“How worried I am,” to“What I’m good at,”“What I’ve done.”.
Once the implicit self is activated, it can bring about positive emotions, thus dispelling the negative emotions caused by challenges and lowering barriers and barriers.
Most introverts and highly sensitive people, however, tend to avoid mistakes more than they do successful experiences-but this avoidance can lead to increased threat recognition, which can hold you back.
So, what you should do is: in ordinary life, consciously to collect, build and improve their“Implicit self”, so that it contains and contain more positive experience, become your emergency toolbox.
Here’s how:
Collect other people’s affirmation, approval and praise to oneself at ordinary times, turn over to look at at leisure time, give oneself positive psychological hint;
At work, make a conscious effort to note: What are the things that most excite me and give me a sense of accomplishment? Other People’s affirmation of me, the most frequent is where to fall? Find your strengths and uniqueness.
When you’re done with something, write down: What Have I learned from it? Next time you have a similar problem, how do you think about it? Sum up their own process and methodology.
Set aside some uninterrupted time each day to reflect on what you’ve done, what you’ve accomplished, your accumulated knowledge, your tendencies, and your plans for the future. … practice the ability to focus on what’s inside you.
Through these methods, we can strengthen our“Implicit self”.
This allows you to:1) quickly divide the challenges into“What I’m good at” and“What I’m not good at”;2) for“What I’m not good at”, break it down further and find out“What can be replaced” and“What can’t be replaced”(see Point 3)3) for“Irreplaceable,” recall your experience with unfamiliar problems and tell yourself: I have the confidence to overcome it;4) plan, dissect, think, list, and prepare for action based on your own experience in solving unfamiliar problems.
This is a slow transition from state-oriented to action-oriented. When your mindset changes, there is no problem that can really trap you.

6. Exercise fluid intelligence
Finally, mention some small exercises you can do in your daily life.
All of the above methods are based on the premise that you need to think and analyze the problem“Appropriately” to help you take better action.
But this ability, if not exercised, will slowly degenerate.
There are two kinds of intelligence: fluid intelligence and crystalline intelligence. Crystalline intelligence is the accumulation of knowledge, while fluid intelligence is“The way of thinking about things”. Together they constitute a way for one person to understand and intervene in the world.
Fluid intelligence peaks within a few years of adulthood. Then, if you exercise regularly, it stays steady until old age, but if you exercise less, it stays steadily lower.
。What happens when fluid intelligence is reduced? In general, the brain“Ages,” that is, it tends to be closed, stubborn, rigid, and tends to“Oversimplify,” to see things in the most labor-saving way possible, ignore the core, differences, and focus of the problem.
Therefore, in daily life, you can try to exercise more fluid intelligence. For example:

As you read the article, think: What is the logic of the article? Does it make sense?

When you see a phenomenon, think: what might be the reason behind it? What factors might be involved?

When you see a theory or an effect, think about it: How Does It Work? What else could it be connected to?

When you see an action or an action, think about it: what is its starting point? What’s the problem you’re trying to solve?

When you see a concept or point of knowledge, think about it: what is it similar to? What’s the difference?

It doesn’t have to have results, but practicing this way of thinking regularly can keep our brains active and thus less likely to age.

How Do You Get Smarter?

This headline may look a bit cliche.

But I hope you will bear with me and you will be rewarded.

In your daily life, you must have someone like this:

When looking at a problem, always be able to point out the focus and nature of the problem;

The thought is particularly agile, meets the new difficulty and the challenge, always can propose the solution quickly;

Always be able to think of other people can not think of ideas, put forward new possibilities;


So what makes them smarter than the average person? Is it because they’re naturally intelligent?

Although intelligence does have a high genetic correlation (around 0.8)(T.J. Bouchard, 2013) , this does not mean that“Intelligence is innate”.

Many people confuse intelligence with cleverness. Actually, these are two different concepts. Higher intelligence simply means that you are faster at remembering, understanding and invoking information-it is not exactly the same as being“Smart”.

Just like being tall certainly gives you an advantage in basketball, but if your goal isn’t the NBA, you don’t have to be very tall to play basketball.

In fact, with the exception of some cutting-edge scientific work, most of the problems, challenges, and tasks of everyday life don’t require much intelligence. What they need more is a person’s ability to analyze, think, and solve problems in a comprehensive, systematic way-what we call“Smart”.

And this can be fully achieved through acquired methods and training. In other words, being“Smart” is actually a learned skill.

So, what can we do to make ourselves smarter?

Today, I’d like to share with you 5 common traits of smart people, hoping to give you some inspiration and direction.

1. Think in order

If there was only one word to sum up the traits of a“Smart person,” I would choose it: order.

Suppose we compare the brain to a warehouse. Here’s how it works:

The intelligent person’s“Brain Warehouse”, its capacity is not necessarily larger than the average person, storage and retrieval speed is not necessarily faster, it is the biggest feature? Is that it has a highly ordered, structured approach to warehousing that allows it to:

1) more information in the same space;

2) it is more efficient to find the corresponding content when calling the information.

That’s all.

Why? The reason is: the brain in dealing with the problem, will adopt a fundamental strategy is: first the whole, after the local.

What do you mean? To put it in perspective: when the brain is faced with a new scene, it takes from memory the most“Global” situation that is similar to the scene and focuses on the differences between the two, eventually, a set of responses is distilled.

This strategy is called pattern recognition. A classic example: the biggest difference between a chess expert and a novice is that the former has thousands of chess games stored in the brain, and every time a game is played, they are quick to figure out“What game is the current situation?” Novices lack this type of thinking, thinking and calculating the current situation in isolation.

Another example: why do some people solve problems faster? Not because their brains are faster, but because they store so many patterns, that they can quickly determine which type is closest to the problem, to quickly understand the nature of the problem.

So, for a smart person with a highly organized mind, when it comes to a new problem, the brain works like this: it finds the closest pattern, and then it tweaks that pattern to fit the current situation.

On the contrary, for an ordinary person, his mind is fragmentary and disordered, so the brain can only put many pieces together into a whole, fine-tune the temporary whole — which leads to two things:

1) it takes more time and energy to put the whole thing together;

2) the piecemeal process is often incomplete, incomplete, even conflicting and contradictory with each other.

For example, a 2018 study published in nature communications found that neurons in the brains of intelligent people are more succinct and organized than those in the general population, this leads to a more efficient use of the hypothesis-known as the neural efficiency hypothesis. (Gen çe et al. , 2018)

See below: above is the brain of a normal person, below is the brain of a smart person.

As you can see, there are actually fewer connections in the picture below than in the picture above. So why would it be more effective? The reason: its neurons are more tightly connected, more like a“Whole,” which allows it to extract“Patterns” quickly, without a lot of wasted energy and time.

We can roughly divide intelligence into fluid intelligence and crystalline intelligence. In everyday life, we generally refer to intelligence as the former, a person’s“Mental agility”, but in fact, for“Smart”, the latter may be more important.

Because fluid intelligence has an upper limit, peaking around the age of 20, then leveling off and declining into old age, crystalline intelligence can rise with age. Most of the time, the latter matters more to us.

How Do you take care of your brain?

In addition, a very simple and effective approach is to do more bottom-up information integration.

We receive a lot of information every day: may be reading to learn, may be practical feedback, may be inner thoughts… ? … what is the most common problem most people have. Is to“Collect”, but never to“Arrange”.

In this case, your information storage is highly fragmented. Information from all sources, all times, all areas, all priorities is stored in a jumble that is naturally unsustainable and difficult to use.

Therefore, I have a practice of more than 10 years of habits, is constantly combing and integration of knowledge, to comb the pieces of information into a whole, such as:

What do I know about a subject? What do I Know About It?

About a certain knowledge, how can I put other knowledge points with it to establish links, create connections?

What kind of experience and practice have I had with certain types of situations? What methodologies are summarized?

This is the easiest and most effective way to make the brain more efficient, organized, and“Whole.”.

2. Developed prefrontal lobes

Order your thinking to ensure that when you encounter problems, you will be able to analyze and think more effectively. But most of the time, there is another very important factor that can seriously affect and interfere with our ability to think.

That’s emotion.

A friend who is familiar with investing will surely know: what is the Special Point in investing? It’s not so much the ability to think, but the ability to overcome your emotions — whether it’s greed for winning or fear of losing. In this way we can make more rational and longer-term judgments.

It’s not just investing, but every aspect of life is the same: Why Is it that you know what you’re doing, but you can’t always make the best decision when it matters? A lot of the time it’s because you’re letting your emotions take over your brain.

I’ve written about two areas of the brain that are constantly vying for control: the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala.

The prefrontal cortex is our center of control and attention. What it does is: it shifts your attention to a goal and allows you to think in detail and rationally.

The amygdala is the center of our survival and emotions. It is very sensitive and very active. When you encounter danger, failure, and loss, these situations are faithfully recorded by the amygdala. When you’re faced with a similar new situation, it lights up and pulls out the corresponding memory — which, in turn, makes you feel fearful, angry, and anxious.

Its mission is to keep you as far away from danger as possible.

Thus, if you are held hostage to it, it is easy to make all sorts of short-term good but long-term bad decisions, favouring conservatism, safety and“Inaction”.

This strategy was fine in ancient times, after all, when danger would have cost you your life. But in modern times, stopping because of fear can often lead to missed opportunities and stagnation.

So why do so many people have the bad habit of“Knowing what to do, but not doing it”? A lot of the time it’s because the amygdala is telling us that when we do something, it can have bad consequences.

What kind of bad outcome. For example, injuries, cost of resources, encounter uncertainty, short-term performance and output reduction. … and so on.

This leaves room for our“Rational thinking”.

Therefore, a smart person must have the necessary quality, must be strong and developed enough prefrontal cortex. It is only when you are able to activate the prefrontal cortex in the first place to suppress and calm your emotional responses that you will be able to make truly rational and effective decisions.

So how do we exercise our prefrontal cortex?

The brain has a property called Neuroplasticity. Put simply: the more you use it, the more developed it becomes; the less you use it, the weaker it becomes.

So, if you want to have a developed prefrontal cortex, you need to exercise it in life, use it, make it more powerful.

For example:

Socialize more face-to-face. One interesting phenomenon is that there is a part of the prefrontal cortex devoted to social interaction. In other words: social needs rely on the prefrontal cortex, which in turn strengthens it.

Read systematic, complex articles and books. This can effectively exercise the brain’s ability to concentrate and strengthen the function of the prefrontal cortex.

When you have an emotion, don’t act on it immediately, but accept it first, think first, then act.

Every action we take on the brain is training it. If you often let your emotions dictate your actions, you are constantly telling your amygdala that you are right

Thinking before acting, in turn, is reinforcing the prefrontal cortex’s control and making it more experienced.

Only by combining control with orderly thinking can we make truly rational thinking and judgments.

3. Higher cognitive space

What is cognitive space? Put simply, it is our brain’s“Workbench.”. Higher cognitive space means that more“Thinking material” can be contained at the same time.

Pay attention to the distinction between cognitive space and working memory. Although the capacity of working memory is a constant of four units (Cowan, 2001) , higher cognitive space means that you can“Cram” more information into these four units, allow the brain to process more material at the same time.

Specifically, what does cognitive space mean?

1) the ability to compress and encode information, that is, to have a higher amount of information per unit of information;

2) the ability to store information in working memory, which makes it harder for the brain to process it.

As an example, if there are 10 factors to consider in facing a problem, then a person with high cognitive space can think and deal with these 10 factors simultaneously, to notice, discover, and consider the connections between them, so that it is easier to start from the whole, to find a better answer.

And the person in the low cognitive space, he can’t deal with all 10 factors at the same time, he can only deal with 1-5, then 6-10, then 1-5 and 6-10…

In the process, then, the latter is easy to lose, some details, key points, and cost more time and energy.

You may also find that this is, in fact, an important factor affecting memory and order of thought.

Higher cognitive space means you can“Compress” more information into a whole. So that means:

1) more connections between information, which makes it easier for you to remember more information.

2) the information has been“Pre-processed” by you, making it easier to put it all together.

So, is there any way to exercise our cognitive space?

Share a few of my most effective tips:

1) recall exercise: what did I just read?

What are the advantages of doing so? There are two points. One is to improve your ability to“Pack and compress” so that your short-term memory can hold more and more complex information, and the other is to remind yourself if something is missing? Can I get them back?

Try This: When you read this, think back to the full text of the article and Ask Yourself: What does the article say? May I repeat the main idea of the preceding paragraph?

2) comprehension exercise: what is its internal logic?

What is internal logic? For example: if a point can be divided into three dots, I don’t just remember the three dots, but think: what is the basis and criteria for this division? What are the principles and supports for each point? Does it have any logical connection to what we’ve been talking about?

This will help you“Force” the limits of your cognitive space, allowing you to see a more comprehensive, complex perspective, so that the brain gets used to this perspective.

3) Lenovo Exercise: What Can I get to Lenovo?

The purpose of this exercise is to help you open your mind and your vision, to exercise your ability to switch your attention back and forth between the inside and outside, and to store that switching in cognitive space.

These three exercises, not so easy, at first you may not be able to adapt, but slowly, after establishing this habit, you will definitely feel the“Light” pleasure.

4. Flexible empathy

The first three points are personal. And this is for groups and social interactions.

Many people refer to“Emotional intelligence” in their lives. What is emotional intelligence? From a psychological point of view, is to understand other people’s emotions, feelings and state, and know how to deal with the ability.

In general, it’s close to empathy.

But why“Flexible empathy”?

Because, in general, we can divide empathy into two types (Simone G, 2009) : cognitive empathy and emotional empathy. The state we want to cultivate is actually high cognitive empathy, not emotional empathy.

What is the difference between the two? The empathic system, located primarily in the anterior insula and the mid-cingulate cortex, evokes similar feelings in us, causing you to feel the same emotional response

Cognitive empathy, on the other hand, largely coincides with the DMN network, which allows you to quickly understand the other person’s thoughts and situations and know“What to do at this time.”. (Walter, 2012)

If you use emotional empathy too much, it can easily lead to a problem: emotional overload.

You will often feel emotional intrusion, constantly produce emotional and psychological fluctuations-this is actually a very tired thing, it will cause psychological overload.

On the other hand, empathic empathy can easily trigger a variety of emotions that take over the brain and lead to irrational judgments.

In turn, cognitive empathy allows you to better understand and understand each other’s thoughts without endangering yourself, thus achieving a win-win situation. Show up in life, is that you can calm, appropriate judgment of the situation, and effective to placate others, persuade others, influence others.

In this case, your communication may be effective.

So, a smart person, is not only able to deal with their own problems, but also need to be able to deal with other people, so that they can better achieve a win-win situation — not just benefit themselves, also let the side more people benefit from this kind of intelligence.

That’s what we’re after.

So how do you improve cognitive empathy? Since cognitive empathy and the DMN overlap almost completely, one approach is to exercise cognitive empathy by practicing the DMN network.

What is DMN:

It’s easy to overthink things. What should we do?

Here are a few tips:

Set aside 10-15 minutes a day to talk to people around you. Try to listen to them and understand them without rushing to a solution;

Set aside half an hour each day to think about and summarize what I did today. Write Down and talk to yourself about the things that are worth writing down.

Set aside a period of time alone, temporarily refuse to external information intake, let yourself quietly for a while, let the mind to sort out.

Be present. Ask Yourself: What Am I hearing, seeing, and touching right now? What do I think? Let the mind focus on the perception of the present moment to sort out our brain.

You’ll find that these exercises require you to“Slow down.”.

Because slowing down gives us more time to listen to each other.

5. Keep an open mind

The final point is to keep an open mind: Don’t limit yourself to the world you already live in, but to“Accept” more ideas, information, possibilities, make yourself a growing system.

These include:

1) be critical and critical: Is it possible for me to be wrong? Is it always good to have the same opinion as me? Is it always bad to have the same opinion as me?

2) Growth mindset: mistakes and failures are not scary. I am constantly growing and everything I experience will be new to me.

3) be humble and learn: the more you know, the more you understand your ignorance, the more you will respect and respect knowledge. Learning is a life-long thing, constantly to explore their ability boundaries, and then back to force themselves to input, learning, so that their mental world become more perfect and rich.

“Smart” is never a state, but a process of continuous growth.

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5 minutes effective solution to procrastination

Whether it’s hitting the snooze button and waiting for it to go off again, putting off going to the dentist, or putting off doing an unpleasant task, it’s a sign of procrastination.

But more often than not-the report I had to finish before the deadline was delivered in the last few hours, crying and complaining about how busy I was and how tired I was before I started working on it-i had several times started uploading documents five minutes before the deadline, or press the send button. There are the majority of no danger, there are a lot of danger, completely lost the opportunity has had remorse.

When I wanted to write an article about procrastination, I used a bunch of excuses to avoid IT-I didn’t have the time, I was too lazy, or I was procrastinating, so I put it off. In the end, I had to bite the bullet to write this article. However, in the process of writing, I found that procrastination is also a very interesting thing, people procrastinate behavior is due to some psychological factors.

Although there are many reasons why people put things off, there are only five psychological reasons why people put things off:



3.It’s hard to start

4.Lack of motivation


Maybe we can take a closer look at the following psychological factors and see if we can find some solutions to procrastination.


Fear is a very broad concept, it can be divided into many branches: fear of failure; fear of success; fear of competition, fear of results.

Fear of failure is the most common fear. We’ve all probably encountered things that are out of our league, like writing an academic paper or taking an exam. If these things are out of our reach too much, their weight in our hearts will inevitably increase early, uh, so much so that we begin to doubt ourselves: “I don’t know enough!”“Why did I agree to do this?” or“I’m going to screw it up!”“What if it doesn’t work out?”

Naturally, we wonder what would happen if we didn’t do it right-lose our jobs, drop out of school, Lose Face? There are those who fear fear, and there are those who fear success. If we do a good job, people’s expectations of us rise, and sometimes, they may be so high that they exceed our abilities, this will inspire our fear of success. I’m sure we all know what it’s like to feel inferior to others.

Personally, before I took part in a speech, even though I was fully prepared before the competition and anticipated all the possibilities that would appear in a few minutes on stage, during the competition, i still feel uneasy when I decide whether I should continue or give up. Luckily, I won in the end. But that didn’t offset my uneasiness, because I had been worried that I might not be as good as the others.

The last fear is the fear of consequences. We often worry that the final result will not meet our expectations. Do We worry that our analysis is wrong? Would it be better if I didn’t remove this mole? Is it really worth all that money to go to the gym?

While some of these concerns may seem unnecessary, they are hard to ignore. The only way is to face them and internalize them. You can talk to your colleagues, friends and loved ones and get their opinions. Or we can write them down and see if our worries are meaningless in the eyes of others. Perhaps the result of consulting others is not satisfactory, but it is better to ask than not to ask.

The most important thing to remember is that if someone assigns a task to you, don’t doubt yourself because you have been identified as the most qualified person to do it.

If It’s a self-imposed goal, like losing weight, learning a new skill, or moving to a new city, you don’t have to rush. Change is natural. You just get better.


Before anyone does anything, whether it’s making a bookshelf or baking an apple pie, they have a blueprint in mind. The blueprint may be similar to the end result, it may not be as good as the end result, it may be much better than the end result, but our expectations can not be exactly the same.

This ideal and the reality of the gap will often hinder our progress. We may worry that no matter how hard we try, we won’t get the results we want in the end. We may also worry that we lack the willpower to work hard to get it done. As a result, we may never get started at the planning and research level.

Procrastination is comfortable — the ideal of perfection stays in the mind, with no room for reproach. Of course everyone wants to make a difference and doesn’t want others to see the bad side of themselves. So perfectionists think that if they don’t do it, no one will blame them.

In this case, we should probably admit that we might not be doing so well, but we shouldn’t give up the chance to try. How many times have we rushed through something to make an excuse for not putting in the effort? Why don’t we spend a little more time making output better than expected?

Therefore, perfectionists need to realize that we can only do our best. Nothing in the world is perfect, not even the Eiffel Tower, the Mona Lisa, or the Taj Mahal. We need to give ourselves some leeway to see the good in our imperfections.

It’s hard to start

How Easy is it to make an excuse? “I didn’t do enough research earlier,”“I just need to do one more thing before I get started,” or“Take your time” are all common excuses.

These excuses, especially the last one, are deadly. We often use many external factors as an excuse to avoid something, but the essence is self-justifying. You’re just making excuses to deceive yourself. No matter how much you push away, it’s hard to change the looming deadline.

Even if you can’t control the progress of some projects, do you really not have anything to start with? Is there anything I can write about first? Is there any independent research? Or is there something you can do first, other than an urgent task?

Lack of motivation

Lack of motivation is often caused by a combination of factors. Unless you’re particularly interested in an idea or project, you’ll generally go through a period of fatigue before you get it done.

Whether your exhaustion is caused by fear or simply a lack of interest, you need to overcome it.

A survey by American Carnegie Mellon University found that students lack motivation because they do not understand their connection to the classroom. Therefore, to find motivation, you first need to understand what you are doing for yourself and your life.

Paying off your credit card or bill may sound boring and tedious, but when you think about the myriad of follow-ups that will follow if you don’t do it, motivation miraculously kicks in.

In your daily life, writing a report that no one else wants to do will make you a more valuable employee; cleaning your apartment will make your living environment better; Signing up for classes at the weekend will help you learn new things.

The trick is to find your own motivation. If you gather information in order to let others know something, the information itself carries your label. If you are dealing with personal matters, you need to think about how you can improve your life. If you can’t think of any motivation, don’t hesitate, just do it, and do it all at once. The act of doing it is itself a meaning.


Distraction is the most common form of procrastination and is a common symptom of procrastination.

It is also very difficult to concentrate. When you’re reading or writing, it’s normal to be surrounded by a television, a ringing phone, and other people’s loud voices.

We also look at other interesting things when we are doing something that is not very important, which is not good for your work. For example, distractions in your writing may lead to spelling mistakes, logic flaws, etc. . Physical tasks like fixing cars and painting walls can also miss important steps when distracted. Despite the best efforts to try, research has shown that human multitasking is unrealistic.

The best way is to just focus on one thing. Turn off your cell phone, find a quiet place, and do what you need to do. That may seem like a lot of money, but it turned out to be absolutely worth it.

After reading the above, I hope it will help you to procrastinate.

Life this probability game, how to play

It is hopeless stupidity to know only standard answers

So to make it easier to understand, I’m going to use some typical examples to explain what a game of probabilities is, and how to play this game.

Such as the typical blind date, marriage. Life events, with the standard answer to say, your lover is unique, great love, love, but the reality is often not correct. Finding the right partner is a game of chance.

First, increase the contact surface, that is, the base number.

How to increase it, take part in more online dating activities, and register more on dating platforms. Tao said, take part in more public welfare activities, or various club activities, such as chess and card clubs, which are shared by both men and women, sports fitness clubs and so on, of course, the courage to be a little bit bigger, meet a good brave about dinner, about coffee. Just as well as social development, increased contact with the opposite sex, is always the first.

The second step is to increase the conversion rate.

So someone must have said, what is the conversion rate, do not want to do the Sea King, Scumbag male. In fact, the transformation here can be done step by step, just like the landing page of an advertisement. The user clicks on it, then downloads it, and finally pays for it. It’s a funnel model, and so is marriage, the least you can do is increase the conversion rate for a second date.

This is the time to constantly review how to improve your dating performance, dress, taste, topic, and how to appropriately show off your strengths. Of course, it makes sense to keep fit.

If you have a good relationship, but not the kind of relationship with the opposite sex friends, can hire a meal to do a consultant, to help themselves to do some suggestions on how to improve, how to make themselves more attractive in the eyes of the opposite sex.

Also, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. For example, a girl is often insecure, so it doesn’t have to be money worship, but how can you convince her that you can settle down together in a big city and have a long-term survival, even the ability to train the next generation, you need to make a certain proof.

Of course, increasing the conversion rate requires a certain cost, but also need to control the cost, everything is a degree, not prepared to pay any cost, is not appropriate, but excessive cost, this is not appropriate.

The so-called probability, but also to evaluate the relationship between input and output, high cost can improve the conversion rate, but the high cost will also lead to you can not afford to try too much.

The first two steps were all up to standard. One could not be afraid to interact with the opposite sex, and one could have more second dates. The third step was the so-called filtering mechanism, you need to assess who can really live together for the long term and who can go the distance. Then focus on developing subsequent relationships.

This is not to encourage the sea king, as described in the first if you are the one movie, before the relationship is established, a lot of dating is actually very reasonable.

Yes, many of life’s choices are based on a similar model, such as finding a job. The first step is to send out a lot of resumes, publish them, and look for social connections and Headhunters to increase your exposure. The second step is to optimize the conversion rate, including personal experience, skills development and packaging, ability growth, to get more interviews, to get more offers, and then the third step is screening, which offers and which ones are your final favorites.

A lot of people come up to me before they even start sending out resumes and ask, “How should I choose a job?” Come on, ask me again when you get an offer.

When you understand that many of life’s big decisions, choices, are probability and games, yes, you’re choosing and betting, and so are your opponents, whether it’s you and your potential partner, or you and your potential business, there’s a game going on in both directions, where you want to get a higher return at a lower cost, and I’m sorry, the other side thinks the same thing, and then the game, as I said in my previous article, is Who’s the scarcity side, who’s the pricing power. So why do you want to look for more possibilities, only you are not the scarcity side, you can control their own pricing power.

Very incorrect, but very realistic.

A summary of some of the key points of the probability game.

First, there is no one standard answer to everything. All roads lead to Rome. All roads lead to probability. When you make a choice, be aware of this. Everything is probability. Everything is game.

Second, to understand costs and expectations, you have to calculate costs, what costs, in addition to money, time costs, opportunity costs, you have to know how much you’re willing to pay to increase the probability of achieving your expectations, you have to be clear about what is expected.

Cost * if the probability of achieving the expected return is greater than the expected return, we call this probability positive expectation. If the probability of achieving the expected return is less than the expected return, we call it negative expectation.

In fact, I found that many people will despise the cost, full of standard answer people, only know a way to go to the dark, high cost of the pursuit of slim expectations, is not wise.

Third, understand the underlying logic of the game, which is not about Either/Or but about coexistence. Just like labor relations, which is a classic example of game theory, when I used the game theory to talk about employment a few years ago, Idiots would just post standard answers in the comments section, and the truth is, the employment problem is not solved by the self-righteous standard answers of idiots. The fact is, the fact has been moving along my prediction, not along the so-called standard answer. The so-called value of logic is here, the correct logic can predict the reality. That’s why I say standard answers don’t solve real problems. Seek truth from facts, people with standard answers don’t understand real problems, so they use standard answers to blame others and wait for others to save them, but can not do anything about their current situation.

When you’re trying to achieve your goals, you’re playing a certain game with your boss, or you’re playing with your employees, or you’re playing with potential partners, or other partners, or business partners, understand the advantages and disadvantages of both sides of the resources, the right understanding of their own scarcity, the right understanding of their own position in the game, in order to reasonably strive for their own value, to achieve their own goals.

Fourth, break through the information cocoon

In the process of predicting probability, the biggest dilemma is the information cocoon. Why do many people think that the only way out is to get into a good university? No matter how they repeat it, it is right because of the information and cognition they have, they see only this one path, and they don’t see more, higher-dimensional information, so they can’t see other possibilities.

Several typical information cocoons.

One is to ignore the time frame. Time is an extremely expensive and important cost, and a key factor in determining the return on output.

For example, whenever I say it’s not that important, a lot of people say, you don’t know, it’s not easy to get a job without a graduate degree. What’s the problem?

Going back to my old article, they were comparing undergraduates and graduate students of the same year. Did they realize that they were comparing undergraduates of the same year with postgraduates three years later, less aware of the cost of three years in the future in the workplace what it means.

For example, many overseas real estate agents often advertise that a certain area’s house prices have been increasing year after year. In fact, compared with the opening prices of the new market in the same area every year, the real situation is that the annual depreciation costs of the houses you buy are staggering, so regional price growth does not represent your investment growth, you should be compared with a year after the purchase of second-hand housing prices with the annual price changes, rather than the new opening price changes.

Ignoring time, an important frame of reference, is the biggest cognitive problem of information and the cause of many stupid decisions.

The second is that the news is not normal.

The so-called dog-eat-dog is not news. people-eat-dog is news. Many people are keen to spread the news. For example, graduates from famous overseas universities can not find jobs when they return home, how graduates from the northern part of the Qing dynasty do not perform well in the workplace, and why these are news, because it’s not universal. That’s why it’s news.

So many people see some news, listen to some cases, self-righteous know the truth of the world.

Third, the content that spreads easily caters to certain emotions.

As I said before, “Those who have no choice think that the chosen one is the best,” So What’s the easiest thing to spread? Those who study abroad and return home are not competitive, and those who emigrate overseas are not doing well and can’t come back. It’s very sad, right, i made a few comments about the soaring prices in Singapore, and it was understood that I also regret immigration.

So you see the popular spread of content, are to cater to such emotions, if there are immigrants to live very comfortable, study abroad to return home very competitive workplace, this is not in line with the spread trend.

So you see the popular spread of content, are to cater to such emotions, if there are immigrants to live very comfortable, study abroad to return home very competitive workplace, this is not in line with the spread trend.

So only if you can get an insight into that, can you see how credible the information is and how much of a gap there is between what’s true and what’s being spread.

Fourth, you need to know who is providing the standard answer, and why they provide such a standard answer.

I’m not going to expand on that, sorry. If you really understand this, you can really take control of your life. If you don’t understand, just go back to sleep.

Fifth, understand diversity

What is diversity, your expectations should not have only one path.

For example, there is a typical comment is like this, overseas famous university students return to China to work in a large enterprise, HR simply do not know this school, no competitive. So the conclusion is, it’s better to read 211 than to read this. Of course, this kind of talk is in line with the above-mentioned pandering sentiment, but reading the expected goals of overseas students, is it necessary to specify a way to work in a big company back home?

It is a fact that there are some deficiencies in some specific paths of development of overseas famous universities when compared with domestic famous universities, but its advantage lies in that it expands the possibility of various paths, these possibilities also have an expected value, and of course some people say no, my goal is to come back and do something, so maybe the choice is negative, but if you want to keep multiple possibilities, looking for more global social links, networking resources, and development opportunities in the future, then perhaps the payoff is that this is exactly what is expected of me. Personally, I want to give myself more possibilities, more options,  Of course I know, many people just want to pursue certainty, I’m sorry, probability game, everything is probability, no certainty.

Back to the case.

The college entrance examination is a game of probability. Getting into different universities corresponds to different probabilities. Well, I know that many people will choose to repeat their exams because the exams are not ideal enough. I don’t think that repetition is a positive expectation of probability, or, i don’t think most repeat reading is positive probability expectation.

Why do you say that? There is a kind of repetition that I think may be a positive expectation. What situation? When you took the college entrance examination, you had diarrhea, fell ill, fell asleep, and the examination was a complete mess, far below the true level. At this time, rereading the probabilities can greatly improve your gaokao scores and your ability to choose a school, in which case it’s likely to be positive (and only possible because there are other options) . For example, TK teach main college entrance examination on the diarrhea, far below the usual level, but there is no repeat, but also to achieve the life of the class transition.

If you just think you can do better, the time cost of this year is very expensive. The potential rewards may not be as good as you think.

Being Young is a huge advantage in the workplace, where tolerance for young people is very different from tolerance for older people, and if you don’t get high enough at a certain age, you basically hit a ceiling.

Everything is probability. If you say a case, there will be a positive case with a negative expectation. There will always be people who argue. I know who has done particularly well after repeating their studies. Yes, there are also people who went to Macau casinos and made a lot of money, but a negative expectation is a negative expectation, it’s a game of chance. Always remember that.

A few years ago, when the topic of the postgraduate entrance examination was brought up, many people started to criticize it. However, looking back today, did the children who took the postgraduate entrance examination a few years ago graduate now? was their employment situation better than their undergraduate degree a few years ago? Even if someone is a little bit better, is it really okay with your time cost? Do you have any idea how many years you had in your prime? Take an examination of grind still have the Second World War three world wars, I am completely can not understand, you come out after an age or workplace newbie, need not a few years to begin midlife crisis.

Early into the community is the best growth, is the highest return to the path of output, you repeat, you graduate, the comparative frame of reference is in the social growth and work experience accumulation. Most of the time, it’s negative expectations. Of course, some people say that certain fields must have a graduate degree, can not be a top student to take the academic line, yes, if you really go this way, please tell me why you are not eligible for exemption from examination research.

Why the Western developed countries do not take an examination of grind this argument completely, and see hardly repeat a student? All I know is that Korea has this, a higher percentage than China. Do you think this is a model we should follow

Another interesting case is the clash of deterministic and probabilistic thinking. The Chinese College entrance examination is completely ranked according to the results. The admission schools are based on the clear admission results, there is a deterministic relationship between admission and the score line. But the west doesn’t have much chance or probability. For example, I saw a case today. There was a top student in China who applied for a prestigious British university this year and was very happy to get an offer from Cambridge. However, UCL, who was also a student with the same major, actually rejected him (UCL’s admission criteria were much lower than Cambridge’s) . This top student was a little serious, ask yourself why you were rejected for writing a letter to argue. As a result, the other recruiter forwarded the email to a professor who was applying for the examination. There was indeed a professor who carefully read his grades and background. Then, the professor was also at a loss, saying that his qualifications were indeed excellent, he also did not know why he was rejected and then transferred to the recruiting agency. The recruiting teacher was also a little confused, saying that they did not know what criteria the reviewers were based on when they sent the rejection letter, but said that if the other side is sincere to UCL, can send a professional offer to other. Of course, there is no accident, Brainiac chose Cambridge in the end.

Then why did he say that in this case, even if the other university was recruiting a teacher, there was not a clear chance of admission? It was very common for all A + students to receive rejection letters on A-level exams. It’s all about probability, and it’s all there when you apply to an overseas university. It is also increasingly common for high school students and parents to apply to prestigious overseas schools with Chinese determinism, feeling that their grades are good, only to be disappointed.

So, come back to reality, accept the probability, understand that life is a game of probability, learn how to choose between probability and game, understand the subtext of so-called standard answer correctly, you can really grasp their own life, the pursuit of their own future.

A little bit more, some people say that in many small cities, ordinary people have a job, have a fixed monthly income, and it’s quite nice to jerk off and drink beer every day, well, that’s one way to look at it, but there’s a problem, just a small problem, that is, the fault tolerance of this kind of life is very low, can you understand, an accident, a serious illness, a fraud, you can get into a very desperate situation where you have very little fault-tolerance of your own, and all that fault-tolerance is left to society and the government.

Life is very long. From the perspective of decades, the probability of various accidents is not a small probability. You See, it’s back to the game of probability. Whether society can guarantee such fault tolerance, let’s evaluate separately. The standard answer is yes, I won’t read it.

What if you care what people think

If you make a list of our everyday happiness and worries, you might find something interesting:
What brings us happiness is usually thanks, encouragement and affirmation from others. They will give you a lot of motivation to be passionate all day long.
What, in turn, is the source of most of our troubles? You will find that most of them come from“Unhappy communication” with others.
For example:

When a colleague disagrees with your proposal in a meeting, it makes you think, “Does he have a problem with me?”?

A few sarcastic words from the client make you feel uncomfortable and think, “Is he not happy with me?”?

The Way your interagency partner talks funny, makes you think, “Did I piss him off?”?


More often, posting an opinion or making a comment on the internet, only to get a few sarcastic or vindictive responses, opening their mouths to say“Bullshit”, “That’s it”, “Don’t bullshit”… Or a barrage of rhetorical questions…
In fact, is any of this serious? In retrospect, these are the tiniest of little things that won’t do you any real harm.
。We may even know“Rationally” that the other person probably didn’t mean to provoke or target you-he’s just used to talking like that.
But in the present, these little things can easily ruin our day.
In serious cases, it can even make you angry and uncontrollable for a while.
People are amazing. Many times, a simple thank you, others can make you happy for a long time; in turn, others, an unfriendly words, can make you depressed for a long time.
I think many of my friends have had the experience of feeling“Especially unsavory” because of a word from someone else. They either broke down on the spot or endured it, but they still felt indignant inside, it takes a long time to recover.
If you have such a problem, I hope today’s article can give you some inspiration.

Why are we so sensitive to other people’s attitudes?
The reason for this is that our brains are already particularly responsive to social interactions.
The reason is simple: our ancient ancestors didn’t have the ability to hunt other animals alone, so they had to live in groups to survive and reproduce. In order to maintain the communication and survival of the group, individuals with stronger“Social potential” are selected by nature to reproduce.
This is the“Social brain” hypothesis proposed by psychologist Dunbar et al. in 1993.
The hypothesis is that the human brain (and the brains of other higher primates) reflects complex computational needs in the real world and is used to fine-tune itself, to make it“Better able to adapt to society” in the direction of evolution.
What does this classic experiment show? Our brain is not very good at abstract logic, and in turn, it is particularly good at understanding and processing social situations.
So, a lot of times it’s hard to learn a field, but it’s much easier to make up a story, write a novel, incorporate knowledge into the story.
Under this premise, our“Mental world”, is especially easy to put the evaluation and feedback from society, to a more important position, give them a greater weight.
So, we often say: Don’t care too much about other people’s opinions. But why is it so hard? It’s because our brains evolved to care more about other people.

In this case, it is easy to develop a mechanism: the self-evaluation and sense of existence, and other people’s attention and attitude to link.
Everyone has an essential need: the need to be clear about the value of their existence. That is to say, let yourself feel that“My existence is meaningful” and“I am capable of achieving my goals”. Otherwise, we will lose the reason and foundation of our existence.
This need is known in psychology as“Self-esteem”(note that it is not the same as self-esteem) . There are high and low self-esteem. High self-esteem means you think you are valuable and competent, while low self-esteem means you think you are worthless and incompetent.
In general, self-esteem is measured and judged from within the self. For example: you are good at writing, you get pleasure and fulfillment from the process, you can objectively and rationally compare your work with that of others, and judge their merits, even if you write something that no one sees, you have enough confidence to know“I write well.”.
This is a“Healthy high self-esteem”. Is a normal, ideal state.
But in real life, because the brain is subconsciously tilted toward socialization, this leads to: this kind of high self-esteem, it’s easy to“Go Astray.” Develop in an unhealthy direction.
This is what psychologist Michael Kernis calls heterogeneity of high self-esteem (HSE) .
This heterogeneity of high self-esteem can generally be divided into the following four categories:
1) unstable: self-esteem is erratic. One minute you think you’re great, the next you think you’re nothing.
This situation, often with the outside world to make a comparison, after the change, the lack of a stable evaluation criteria.
As a result, such people are more afraid of new environments, new challenges, and prefer to stay in familiar environments, because they are afraid that the criteria will change as the environment changes, and feel“Useless”.
2) defensive: especially afraid of external negativity, will do anything to try to maintain their image.
Such people usually can not handle criticism well and tend to reject negative comments and accept only positive ones.
In life, we often meet people who are very stubborn and don’t listen to other people’s opinions. Even if you give clear evidence that you are wrong, he will stubbornly defend his position. For him, his position is part of his“Self-worth.”. To deny a position is to deny a part of oneself.
3) dependence type: corresponds with the defensive type, especially needs the outside world’s affirmation.
Such people put“Meeting other people’s expectations” first and find it hard to accept rejection or disappointment.
The most typical examples of this are“Vanity” and“Face-saving”. Even if they can not afford it, they have to buy luxury goods and go to high-end events to show their“Beautiful” self-it is because they crave others’ affirmation and appreciation.
4)Incongruent: high self-esteem“Masquerading” as having a split between what is on the outside and what is on the inside.
It’s a little more complicated: they have low self-esteem, don’t like who they really are, but are keen to project a confident, strong image in front of others to protect their social judgment.
These four HSE classification, a person may have only one, may also have more than one. It could be very high or very low.
But either way, it’s a bad state to be in because it means you’re giving someone else, not yourself, the right to judge you.

Furthermore, if a person has some degree of HSE, what does that lead to?
Studies have shown that heterogeneous high self-esteem is characterized by two distinct traits: (Kernis et al. , 1996,1997,2000)

it is easier to notice negative evaluations and interpret neutral and vague evaluations as negative.

it is easier to ruminate more deeply about negative evaluations;

You’ll find that this is a negative cycle: the first makes hses more exposed to negative feedback, and the second makes those negative feedback more likely to have a larger, more lasting effect on them, make them suffer constantly by the external evaluation.

It is precisely because most hses experience this kind of pain in their lives that they often resort to unconscious strategies to avoid suffering themselves.
A prime example is narcissism.
Psychologists define narcissism as“A high degree of self-focus and expectation of others to focus on you”(Baumeister, 1996,1998) . Put simply, it’s easy to get into this mindset:I’m very good. You just haven’t found it yet.

And when narcissists have achieved something, they are particularly eager to share it with others, especially for recognition and recognition-positive feedback that gives them great satisfaction.
Among the different types of HSE, “Inconsistent hses” are the most likely to lead to narcissism, the study found (Zeigler-hill, 2006) .
In other words: narcissism is likely to be a variant of inferiority, in order to cover up inferiority, and the birth of narcissism.
Furthermore, if this narcissistic state of mind continues to be threatened by external threats (such as denial, ridicule, indifference) , it may develop another strategy: externalization.

What is externalization? It is to build a barrier between the outside world and the self, dividing the“Good” into ourselves and the“Bad” into the outside world. That is, the common“Everyone is drunk, I am alone” mentality.
Common examples include: “You wouldn’t understand if I told you,”“No one understands me,”“Geniuses like me are doomed to be unappreciated”…
On the other hand, many studies have found that narcissists tend to be the most aggressive (Twenge, 2001) . In other words, when a narcissist experiences social rejection (rejection, etc.) , he is more likely to“Hold a grudge” and to“Take revenge” consciously or unconsciously-including by badmouthing the other person, give the other person a low rating, and so on — it may even be directed at an unrelated third party, or“Venting.”.
Moreover, narcissists are highly competitive, which leads them to be sarcastic and aggressive even when they are not threatened. Because they are eager to prove“I am superior to you” to satisfy his HSE.

So, having said all this, what better strategy can we have for dealing with the problem at the beginning of the article?
:Note that HSE, while unhealthy, is not a particularly serious problem, and most people have some. Here’s the thing:1) don’t let Hse Evolve, be aware of it and adjust it.

2) try not to let HSE develop into narcissism.

Share a few simple tips that I hope will help you solve some of your problems.

1. The principle of tolerance
The principle of tolerance is a philosophical concept, which refers to: in the process of communication, to maintain the greatest kindness to trust each other, believe that the other is positive, positive, is to want to solve the problem.
To understand the principle of tolerance, there is a fundamental attribution error.
We have a cognitive bias: when we succeed, we tend to attribute it internally (I’m good) ; when we fail, we tend to attribute it externally (bad luck) . Conversely, when someone else succeeds, we prefer external attribution (he’s Lucky) ; when someone else fails, we prefer internal attribution (he’s incompetent) . That’s the fundamental attribution error.
So, the first rule of thumb is this: when someone does something that“Makes you uncomfortable,” if it can be attributed to the external environment, try not to attribute it to the internal environment.
Here’s an example: there are occasional students in the camp who ask questions that have been repeated many times. Some students think this is a“Reach out party”(internal attribution) , but what is the more reasonable idea?These students work very busy, no time to see the group answer and summary, do not know these questions can be found, so again asked. This is an external attribution.
Another example: when someone blames you for something you didn’t do, instead of thinking, “He’s being hard on you”(internal attribution) , think, “He misunderstood you”(external attribution) , then find a way to resolve the misunderstanding — that would be a better approach.
Further: even if the external causes are not valid, we can be attributed to the internal, but also can be divided into two categories: capacity issues, and intention issues.The second basic rule: the ability to explain the lack of capacity, try not to rise to the intention.
For example: the other party said some sarcastic words, rather than think that“He has a problem with you”(intention problem) , as“He is not emotional intelligence”(lack of ability) . So the strategy is: first solve the problem, and then in the free time, friendly to help him point out.
Bottom line: when someone says something that makes you uncomfortable, understand it in this order:1) what did the other person mean? Is it possible that I misunderstood?2) is it possible that this problem is caused by objective circumstances and conditions?3) is it possible that the problem is due to the lack of competence of the other party?4) is the other person questioning, denying, attacking me?
In general, read in the order of 1→2→3→4, and try to stay at 1,2, and 3, but don’t make the transition to 4 unless you have solid evidence.
This is a very effective way to solve most of your problems. You will find that many of the criticisms and negatives you think are just your misunderstanding, not really mean that he is“Bad”.

2. The principle of reciprocity
To put it simply: the other side to give you a what kind of evaluation, you must come up with equivalent evidence. Otherwise, the comment is meaningless and does not need to be taken seriously.
I will divide a person’s rebuttals into two categories: invalid rebuttals and valid rebuttals.
What is an invalid rebuttal? Generally speaking, it means the refutation of“Only opinion, no argument”. Including: No Reason to negate the other side, grasp the secondary and missed the point, the other side’s position misinterpretation or out of context, and so on.
In turn, an effective rebuttal means being able to present reasons and arguments to support what you say.
What is a best state? Something like this:I fully understand your position (based on full understanding) , but I have a problem with one of these points (pointing out a clear weakness) because… I think it would be better to… …
If you encounter an“Invalid retort” in your life, the best way to deal with it is to simply ignore it. Because life, there are more meaningful, valuable, worthy of our attention, there is no need to spend energy in this place.

3. Fire-fighting in three steps
In life, we will inevitably encounter this situation: the other a few words, let you very not taste, especially angry, especially uncomfortable. What Now? How to control their emotions?
Take these three steps to calm yourself down right now:
1) distract yourself. Don’t respond to or ignore him. Immediately turn your attention to any other task. Do It, think about it, and come back later.
2) third party perspective. Think about it: What does the other person think about what they say to you in the third person’s eyes? If you have a fit, throw a tantrum at him, turn over the table, how will it look to others? At this point, what do you do to make other people feel“Okay”?
3) depersonalization. Think of yourself and your partner as a machine, pulling the“Self” out of the equation and letting yourself imagine that the“Other” is not pointing to the“I” but to an individual that has nothing to do with you. Then, think about it, is there a process, procedure, can be used in this occasion? If there is, go according to the process; if not, draw up a, next time go according to the process.
This is a very effective way to get out of your emotional rut and stop yourself from being provoked.

4. The firewall method
(Compartmentalization)。What’s A Firewall? This is an effective self-defense strategy called Compartmentalization.
Put simply:
1) diversity of identity: the self-concept and self-worth of the“I” is made up of many aspects, not one.
In other words: the so-called“I”, may include the work of me, my family, my neighbors in the eyes of me, my friends in the Eyes of me… … that I might be different. Together, they make up the whole of me.
2) isolation: at any given time, other people’s evaluation and judgment of“I” is only relevant to the present situation, is only“Part of me”, not“All of me”.
3) integration: I may not be up to my standards and requirements in one respect, but I can be up to my standards in another, so that the whole“I” remains in a reasonable position.
The positive firewall method, can make oneself more psychological flexibility, thus the attack and negation, maintain in a small area, not to affect their overall evaluation.

5. Win or lose
I have always stressed a point: the fundamental purpose of argument is not to win or lose, but to get closer to the truth.
:So, in your life, when you meet someone who denies you or questions you, try to look away: instead of thinking, “I lose, you win,” think:

“What’s his point?”

“Where are his differences with me?”

“How does he connect with my point of view from the bottom?”

“How can his views enrich, refine, and correct mine? “

This is a higher level of thinking habits.
。Even from a win-lose point of view, this habit is very effective: it will make you invincible forever.
Because those who cling to victory and defeat lose at the beginning;And the winner is the one who can see further than the victory or defeat,because they always get something.

Why are you so tired every day

Have you ever felt like:

Every day after work, always feel tired, do not want to do anything, just want to stay paralyzed;

Clearly every day sitting in the office, do not do anything, but feel physically and mentally exhausted;

Often feel like the brain rusted, turn not to move, encounter a lot of problems are not willing to think;

The weekend, finally have time to study, but still feel very tired, often sleep, watch a play, imperceptibly in the past…

Many people may attribute them to stress in life, stress at work…

But“Stress” is a phenomenon, not a cause. What we need to think about is: how does this“Exhaustion” come about? And what can we do to improve the situation if there is no way to make a radical lifestyle change for the time being?

If you have such a problem, then, I hope today’s article, can give you some inspiration and thinking.

Why do we sit every day and still feel exhausted? What’s happening to the brain?

First of all, let’s think about: when you feel“Heart Tired”, what is the most common performance?

These are the two most common:

Or feeling unmotivated. Clearly know that there are a lot of things to do, but there is no motivation, just want to collapse on the sofa, do not want to think, do not want to do.

Or, in a very bad mood… A little thing, can make you feel very irritable, depressed, depressed, always easy to lose your temper for no reason, feel that everything is very gray…

In fact, both conditions are closely related to two neurotransmitters in the brain: dopamine and serotonin.

As I said in a previous article, what is the role of dopamine? Is to provide us with“Motivation”. Simply put, dopamine is what makes you“Willing” to do something. And if it stimulates a lot of dopamine, you’re going to want to do it, and you’re going to be very uncomfortable not doing it, and that’s what we call addiction.

You know that there are a lot of things that are“Important” and“Must be done”, but you just can’t get motivated and you don’t want to move at all-that’s typical of a dopamine deficiency.

So why, when we are“Heart tired”, even though we know we must study, exercise and do useful things, we still collapse on the sofa to play games, watch movies, catch variety shows and play mobile phones? The reason: the latter, without any effort, can provide us with large amounts of dopamine, making us feel“Good.”.

So Don’t beat yourself up if you feel the same way. It doesn’t mean you’re“Undisciplined,” it doesn’t mean you’re“Corrupt.” In fact, it’s human nature, and we all are-you just happen to be in a bad place.

It’s a lack of motivation. “Bad Mood”, on the other hand, is closely related to serotonin.

Serotonin, also known as 5-hydroxytryptamine, is a very important neurotransmitter. What is its central function? Is to maintain emotional and emotional stability.

For example, serotonin acts on the amygdala, increasing the communication between the cerebral cortex and the amygdala, allowing us to be more“In control.”. Without serotonin, the amygdala is on its own, making it difficult for us to control our anger.

In addition, serotonin inhibits boredom. When the serotonin-producing neurons were activated, the participants showed greater patience and motivation. Even if hit the wall one after another, will not lose control and impatience.

Similarly, studies of people with depression have shown that people with depression have low levels of serotonin in their brains, so they are more susceptible to negative emotions and are more likely to indulge in them, it’s hard to“Get out”.

(thus, there is a common class of antidepressants, called SSRIs, that increase serotonin levels in the brain by inhibiting serotonin absorption.)

In other words: when the brain lacks serotonin, it is easy to fall into the“Emotional instability” inside. Either you’re depressed, bored, pessimistic, and the world around you is a dark place, or you have a hard time controlling your impulses and aggression, and you lose your temper, get upset, and don’t like anything…

In general, when we feel“Heart tired”, it is because of the lack of these two neurotransmitters.

So why the lack of dopamine and serotonin in normal conditions? What causes their overconsumption?

After a while, the task is done and removed from cognitive resources. As a result, the brain goes into a temporary state of rest, consuming less energy, and adenosine begins to be reassembled into ATP, which is consumed.

This is a good, ideal state.

But in this day and age, this state of affairs is extremely difficult to achieve. Every day, there will be countless information into our minds, our hearts will produce countless thoughts, plans and worries. For example: the future plans, the task and work of worry, worry about interpersonal relationships…

They live in the brain, a long time can not be resolved, so has been“Refused to leave.”. The accumulation, will occupy a large number of cognitive resources, leading to our“Background” become congested.

In other words: every day, our brain“Background”, are in a state of high load, has been running non-stop.

What does that mean? The brain has been consuming so much energy that the metabolic production of adenosine has been unable to be reorganized and consumed, thus piling up.

The build-up of adenosine, on the other hand, signals to the brain that it is“Tired, time to rest”. It then spreads through the brain in a series of neuronal responses, suppressing the excitability of the cerebral cortex, reducing dopamine production, lower serotonin levels.

This leads to fatigue.

In summary: constant“Overthinking”, leading to a build-up of adenosine, which in turn leads to a decrease in dopamine and serotonin, is what makes us lament how tired we are every day.

This is especially true for highly sensitive people. Because they are more likely to“Ruminate deeply” about information, they stay in the background longer and process it more.

By understanding this basic principle, we can have a clearer understanding of many phenomena.

Like flow.

Why say“Flow” can let a person feel happy, happy, get rid of fatigue? That’s because it works both ways.

On the one hand, flow allows you to maintain a high level of concentration, which temporarily empties the back of your brain and allows you to focus on the task in front of you, easing the burden on your brain.

On the other hand, when you are in flow, you will constantly face a small challenge, solve a small challenge, and then face a small challenge… … and every time you tackle a small challenge, it triggers a dopamine surge that makes you“Horny” and highly enjoyable.

In other words: the essence of flow is the same as playing games (many people do experience flow in games) . By allowing you to“Lighten the load” and“Beat the odds”, you get feedback that allows you to break free from fatigue and move on to a more positive cycle.

A few more simple examples.

Why is coffee refreshing and uplifting? That’s because caffeine binds to adenosine receptors, which are the receptors that the brain“Blocks” some of the adenosine — adenosine needs to bind to send messages to the brain, caffeine literally takes their place.

However, the caffeine effect is only temporary, it only blocks the adenosine channel, and does not really solve the problem. Therefore, can only give you a“Refreshing illusion”.

Another example: why is meditation relaxing and reducing stress? One possible reason: meditation allows you to focus on the present moment, thereby reducing unnecessary thoughts and thoughts in your mind and temporarily clearing the background.

And so on.

Also, before reading this article, you may have a dilemma:

Why sometimes feel a day is very busy, but at the same time very substantial, not only do not feel tired, but will feel“More than enough”;

And sometimes, when you feel like you haven’t done anything all day, you’re so tired you don’t want to do anything?

Here’s where you get it: What does it mean when we feel“Fulfilled”? It means we“Get” a lot of things done. Now that it has been done, on the one hand, these things can be cleared out of our backstage and not become a burden on us;

On the other hand, this sense of accomplishment in“Getting things done” can greatly stimulate the release of dopamine, which makes us feel satisfied, happy and happy.

On the other hand, sometimes it feels like we haven’t done anything all day, but it’s that kind of“Not done” that keeps a lot of tasks and ideas piling up in the background, and coming back to us through the“Chekani effect.” We The Hours to regurgitate and feel tired.

So, through these phenomena, you should be able to understand:

How do you get rid of fatigue? The most important, in fact, is two points.

On the one hand: from the cognitive level, try to focus on the“Now”, reduce the mind of worry, anxiety and worry, reduce the burden of the brain as much as possible;

On the other hand, start with dopamine and serotonin, by regulating their levels, to keep themselves in a good state.

This is the strategy we can consider.

So what are some of the things that can help us get rid of fatigue?

1.Simplify decision-making

Every day, we make decisions about what to wear, what to eat for breakfast, what to do to pass the time, how to write the report, what to choose… … and so on and so forth.

In fact, it’s a trade-off, no matter the size of the decision. On the one hand, this process takes cognitive resources and consumes our energy; on the other hand, a decision is not actually released completely from the brain after it’s made — there may be a little bit of residue, “Is this the right decision?”“Did I make the wrong choice?” And so on.

As a result, the more decisions you make during the day, the more likely you are to overload the back of your brain, leading to fatigue and irritability.

This is called Decision fatigue.

In a 2011 study, researchers looked at 1,100 parole offers made by American judges. They found that it was not the crime, background and confession that mattered most when a person was paroled, but the timing of the judge’s decision: in more than 70 per cent of cases decided in the morning, parole was granted Less than 10 per cent of those sentenced in the afternoon were granted parole. Even the latter have lesser charges and shorter sentences.

The reason is simple: after a long day of trial and reflection, the judges are exhausted by the afternoon, so they tend to downplay the prisoner’s confession and pass judgment more hastily.

So You’ve probably heard the saying, “Don’t make important decisions at night.”. For the same reason.

How to deal with decision fatigue? One way of thinking is to simplify the decisions you need to make.

I will try to protect my precious brain power, for some unimportant, small decision-making, as far as possible to let them“Not mind.”. Either design a set of rules that apply directly, or choose one at random and don’t spend too much time on it.

What do you mean, set the rules? For example, “If the fund goes down a certain point, buy a certain percentage” is a simple rule. By taking action to get feedback and fine-tuning the rules, you can turn decisions over to the rules and avoid having to think and weigh them over and over again.

Another example: like what to eat, what to wear, how to pass the time, such minor things, not to mention. Either pick one or let someone else decide. Don’t waste any brain power.

Your energy should be reserved for issues that are really important and require careful consideration and trade-offs.

2. Break down the task

In life, a very common situation is: We always have a large number of tasks every day, overwhelming, let us gasp. It could be a big project, it could be a travel arrangement, it could be a tough job, it could be a new client you’ve never met…

Although many tasks can’t be done right away, it’s there, it’s there, it’s there, it’s there, it’s there, it’s there, it’s there, it’s there, it’s there, it’s there, it’s there, it’s there, it’s there, it’s there, it’s there, it’s there, it’s there, it’s there.

This is the most common cause of heartburn.

What is my most common approach to this situation? Break it down. Write it down.

1) write down all the worries and tasks that are on your mind and“Clear Your Mind” of them.

2) break them down: What I can do first, then what I can do later, roughly when I can do it.

3) when you’re ready to take action, focus on the first step, not the rest. Let yourself“Do it first”.

It’s an effective way to tell the brain that it’s been memorized, that I can handle it easily, and that I don’t have to worry about it anymore.

Most of the time, what is the source of our troubles? From thinking too much. Many clearly may not happen, we will always worry; many clearly is not complex problem, we will always go to fear, worry…

In other words: our fear, often not from the object itself, but from the fear of uncertainty.

So, this is a way, to break down our fear of uncertainty, and let us know that it’s not a big deal, that I just have to do this first, and then this.

Each step may not be easy, but that’s okay — every time you decompose it, you make it a little less uncertain, a little less complex. If it’s still massive, repeat these three steps to Divide and rule it down.

There are a few tips along the way:

For information uncertainty, I will generally be decomposed into: a month a day to communicate with such-and-such, to determine such-and-such matters. Then, I want to know the questions, a brief list, then directly to fill in.

For more troublesome matters, I will generally take the most difficult to gnaw that step out, arrange well, the other is simple. For example: one thing is very troublesome, I need to deal with the process of a trip to Shanghai, I will first pick it out, roughly arranged between a certain day to a certain day, and other things around it to arrange. So much more at ease.

For matters that require waiting for an outcome, I usually consider a“Contingency plan”, that is, “What should I do if the outcome is not satisfactory? It doesn’t have to be perfect. Just come up with a plan, write it down, and let yourself know“How to act.”.

These tips can effectively turn anxiety into action and help reduce stress in your brain.

3. Put the pieces together

In our daily lives, we often encounter a situation: all day long, busy dealing with all kinds of trivial matters: chat back, write email, adjust data, change documents, … Back and forth to confirm requirements, pass information…

If you say you didn’t do anything, you don’t. But if you say you did something, you don’t know.

Keep in mind that our outputs and outcomes are largely determined by“Monolithic” things. Many trivial things, not that they are not important, but on the one hand, their value is not high, on the other hand, they will create a large number of“Thought fragments”, piled up in the brain, greatly increasing the burden on the brain.

In particular, when we’re constantly switching between tasks, each time we switch, it takes some resources to adjust the state, to“Reload,” and that can lead to the fragmentation of the whole piece of information, greatly increased the occupied“Backstage space”.

A lot of times, this is what makes us feel exhausted the most.

So, one of the most basic techniques for managing time and energy, is to do things that are fragmented, and to do them together in as much time as possible, to free up time for something more meaningful.

For example:

Can you set aside some time each day to deal with all communication?

Every communication can think about: How can I put the message a one-time clear, as far as possible to reduce the number of back and forth to confirm?

If something takes 5-15 minutes to do, think about it: does it have to be done now? Is there any way you could put it in a different time slot and do something else with it?

If you find yourself switching between tasks, ask yourself: Are These things important? Can I put something else on hold and get one thing done?


Make this a habit and you’ll find that your daily routine is still pretty much the same, but it doesn’t seem that boring anymore.

4. Stay focused

By focusing, I don’t mean focusing on one thing at a time without any distractions — that’s impossible.

But: think about what is the most important thing for me right now? Other than that, can I just say no or put it off as long as I can?

That’s what I always say: minimize“Ask me to do” and focus on“I will do.”.

This can be difficult for many friends because it requires you to say no (especially to highly sensitive people) . But it is a step that must be overcome. Know this: In this world except you, others are not responsible for you.

So, I’ve often said, what is the nature of decision-making, not choosing between the good and the bad, which makes no sense, but choosing between the two bad, which is“Less bad”; Or you can choose between two good ones and leave out one that’s not so good.

But if you obsess over loss aversion, want to do everything right, want to have it all, many times you just get yourself into an overload situation and can’t get out of it.

Where does this lead. The more stuff you carry, the less likely you are to get it all done, the worse you will be, and the worse you will end up doing… … a negative cycle.

To get out of this cycle, you have to give up the excessive burden on yourself and accept your own“Imperfection”, “Imperfection”, “Inappropriateness”.

Only in this way can you truly live for yourself.

5. Expect rewards

What is reward anticipation? In short, is in their own life, spread some possibility, let oneself harvest the unintentional joy.

Here’s an example: I’m a big advocate of 5-minute giving: spending about 5 minutes a day in your life, giving a helping hand, giving a little help.

When you offer help to others, you get a sense of well-being based on good“Social connection,” and when others benefit from your actions and thank you, you get strong feedback and satisfaction.

What is its nature? It is through the“Anticipation reward” that dopamine is activated, allowing us to feel positive and positive emotions.

There are many other ways to give besides“5 minutes of giving.”. For example, tell yourself that if work goes well, buy yourself something you’ve always wanted as a small reward. This keeps us looking forward to life and maintaining good dopamine levels.

Another example: in their spare time, to participate in some groups, activities, so that their“Meet more interesting people”, “New life experience” expectations, it’s a powerful way to fight the languor and exhaustion of everyday life.

These are all ways to fill your life with sunshine.

6. Take it easy

Finally, have a quick chat about how to get your dopamine and serotonin levels up in the brain and keep yourself in good shape by relaxing properly.

Get More Sun. Sunlight can effectively promote the secretion of serotonin, so that their emotions become soothing and gentle. Especially in this seasonal affective disorder season, walking outdoors in the sun is a very effective way to heal.

Exercise more. Studies have found that moderate-intensity aerobic exercise can effectively improve serotonin levels, which effectively alleviate anxiety, stress and improve well-being. About 120 minutes of aerobic exercise a week will do the trick.

On the other hand, high-intensity exercise can produce endorphins, which play a role in pain relief, but also can make people feel“Comfortable.”.

Watch some interesting videos. As mentioned earlier, thinking for a long time can lead to adenosine accumulation and fatigue. As a result, I often have little videos between jobs, usually documentaries about travel, scenery and food. It is not easy to get addicted, and can know some strange knowledge, but also let oneself get effective relaxation.

By the way: There are a lot of foreign studies on this area, many of them are for the“Cute kitten” video… … the results are similar: watching cute kittens at work can help relieve fatigue and increase productivity.

Diet. Cutting down on carbs and increasing your intake of high-protein foods with a balanced amino acid profile, such as meat, eggs and milk, can help your body make serotonin.

Store the energy. I mentioned in sensitive you that some positive motivation and feedback can help you get your motivation back and your state back. The simplest way is to put others on their own recognition and affirmation of the collection, the state of low turn out to see, to encourage themselves…

I hope this article can inject a little energy into you who are also troubled.

Life is not easy,

because it’s not easy,

all the more reason to enjoy it.

Sensitive You, I want to say to You

Do you ever feel like:

To a question, will always subconsciously think over and over again, that is often said“Think too much”;

It’s easy to get burned out, especially if you’re going through a hectic activity, such as partying with lots of new friends;

Emotional ups and downs are very big, a lot of other people in the eyes of the little things, will cause a huge fluctuation in your mood;

The fear of getting out of control of your daily life, such as meeting new people or trying something you haven’t done before, can make you feel stressed

The extreme need for quiet environment, very resistant to the need to respond quickly to the outside world;

Empathy is so strong and empathetic that it is often the object of conversation…


If you read the above and your inner monologue is“This is who I am,” then we are probably the same kind of people.

Because I’ve had a lot of these problems myself.

I am not used to face-to-face conversation with people, do not like the phone, and even one-on-one wechat chat will feel very tired. So I usually communicate with partners are: Please leave me a message, do not call, I will give you a reply message.

As a result, I often get called“No one”

I’m not used to meeting strange friends either. In the past few years, every invitation to meet her had been pushed as often as she could. Sometimes, when she was forced to meet some business partners, she had to mentally prepare herself in advance to relieve the pressure.

Every time I go to a party or dinner, I’m always the quietest one around. It’s not that I don’t want to fit in, it’s just that I’m really tired and I don’t want to talk and I just want to be quiet.

If you have had this experience, I think you will understand me very much.

Many people may find these performances“Pretentious”, even“Arrogant”, “Selfish” and“Impersonal”-but in reality, only those who have actually experienced such feelings, to feel the burden and the struggle behind it:

It’s not that we don’t want to be“Like everyone else,” but it’s really hard.

That’s no excuse.

In 1997, psychologist Elaine N. Aron and Arthur Aron argue that there is indeed a group of people who are more subtle, sensitive and vulnerable than others. They call this group the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) .

A series of studies suggest that about 20 percent of the population is“Highly sensitive.”. In order to integrate themselves well into the social environment, they usually need to bear a greater psychological burden and efforts than others.

So what exactly is“Highly sensitive”?

In their original definition, the arons proposed that“Highly sensitive” refers to a group of people who are highly sensitive to both internal and external stimuli and are particularly susceptible to being overwhelmed by emotions.

For example, small things (like making a phone call, talking to a stranger, etc.) may not cause any emotional disturbance for the average person, but for highly sensitive people, they can upset their expectations, it causes huge mood swings and makes them feel extremely tired.

Later, in a study published in 2010, the Arons proposed a new standard, called the“DOES” standard, which includes deep rumination, stimulus overload, emotional response, and detailed perception.

Put simply:

Highly sensitive people are able to perceive very subtle stimuli, and at the same time, they tend to go deep into Lenovo and process any stimulus, which leads to an emotional response, no matter how small, the resulting“Stimulus overload”.

For example: in the Department of wechat Group Chat, someone inadvertently said you a sentence: “So-and-so, why are you always so tardy.”.

The average person might read it, not take it to heart, or even notice it-but for highly sensitive people, it’s easy to react like this:

Detail Awareness: Hey, what does this guy mean when he says I’m procrastinating?

Deep rumination: What does she mean? Did Something Happen to me that upset her?

Emotional Response: Alas, are in a department, not to see the head, after a lot of cooperation also how to Do?

Stimulus overload: So Annoying, life is so dark…

So, why do highly sensitive people need to bear a greater psychological burden? This is because: many things that are trivial to the average person, to the highly sensitive person, have to work hard to adjust themselves, adapt to their own, in order to appear on the surface to be“Calm.”.

In layman’s terms, this might be called“Inner drama.”.

That’s why so many highly sensitive people have“Social phobia”-who can socialize happily under such pressure and psychological burden?

But don’t be too hard on them. They don’t want to be.

Why do you say that? Because, highly sensitive this characteristic, does have its physiological factor.

There are many studies that show that the brains of highly sensitive people do differ from those of the average person.

For example: neuroscientist Bianca P. Acevedo’s findings (Acevedo et al. , 2014,2018) : in highly sensitive people, brain regions involved in consciousness, sensory information integration, empathy, and social relationships are more active.

A 2011 study (Chen Chunhui e t al. , 2011) found that the dopamine modulation and receptor systems of highly sensitive individuals are significantly different from those of the general population.

A 2019 study (Assary et al. , 2019) found that high sensitivity is a heritable trait with a degree of heritability.


And so on.

Overall, there are four broad categories of brain differences in highly sensitive people:

1) the exogenous dopamine reward system is weaker.

When we interact positively with the outside world, dopamine levels rise, which pushes us to integrate more actively into society. But for highly sensitive people, this dopamine reward from the outside world is weaker, making them less likely to get social feedback.

On the other hand, this also makes most highly sensitive people, when receiving a lot of fresh stimulation, often can not be attracted and interference, but remain deliberate.

2) more active Mirror neuron.

What’s a Mirror neuron? In simple terms, it refers to a type of neuron in the brain: When you see someone else’s state, they activate synchronously, giving you similar feelings.

For example, when you see someone cut or bleeding from a knife, you feel as if you are bleeding. There is a mental pain — that’s what Mirror neuron does.

Highly sensitive people tend to be more Mirror neuron, which makes them more likely to “Empathize” with others.

3) vmPFC was more active.

The vmPFC, also known as the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, is closely linked to the area of the brain involved in the integration of emotional and sensory information, affecting your“Emotional response” to external events.

Simply put, when highly sensitive people are exposed to information from the outside world, they are more likely to relate it to their own past experiences and thus experience a stronger“Inner feeling.”.

For example, this is the reason why people who are highly sensitive to the same statements may experience huge psychological swings from Lenovo to their own past experiences of embarrassment and failure.

4) a more active social system.

Bianca P. Many of Acevedo’s studies have found that the brains of highly sensitive people are more active in areas involved in self-awareness and social relationships.

(so, what is it about extroverts who are highly sensitive?) It’s that they get less feedback from social interactions, have more mood swings, and are more bored when they’re alone.

How powerful is that…)

In turn, there is another personality trait that must be distinguished from high sensitivity: implicit narcissism.

What is recessive narcissism? It is a heterogeneous self-esteem. The recessive narcissist, often thinks highly of oneself, but at the same time the heart is also very fragile.

They crave the approval and affirmation of others, and when questioned and denied, they can be aggressive.

Put simply, highly sensitive people tend to attribute negative information to introversion, which often leads to self-denial, self-doubt, and, most commonly, impersonation syndrome.

For example: When people say bad things about themselves, highly sensitive people tend to“Look inside” and question themselves, “Am I really not doing a good job? “

In the long run, even if they have achieved a certain degree of success, there will be a vague feeling in my heart:

That I don’t seem to deserve… ? … Do I really deserve it? Will I be exposed?

1. Flexible mindset

This is a model that I admire very much, and it really helps me a lot.

What’s a flexible mind-set? In a nutshell: As we grow up, we are instilled and shaped by many beliefs that shape a set of rules about how the world works.

For example:

To leave a good impression on others, so as to gain the goodwill and trust of others;

To maintain their own image, try not to make a fool of yourself or do something wrong, otherwise it will be ridiculed;

I can not“Lose” to others, can not let oneself lose face, otherwise will be despised;

You Can’t say no to someone, or you risk being disliked…

And so on. Under the restrictions and restraints imposed on us by these rules, we will have a hard time living. I can’t help but compare my performance and results to these rules: am I doing well, am I doing well? Did I break that rule? And the other one?

This is one of the reasons why many people live in fear and stress every day.

The“Flexible mindset” is a mindset where we throw away these so-called“Rules” and see life as a game of getting to the next level. We only focus on two things:

1) have I grown, have I made myself better, even a little?

2) have I acted against my conscience, boundaries and principles?

Beyond that, all can be temporarily ignored, are not“Insurmountable.”.

For example:

Why does it have to be“Perfect”? Can I have my own unique style, quirks, habits?

Why do I have to live up to other people’s expectations and assumptions? Can I have my own direction and lifestyle?

Why do I have to“Make a good impression”? This is me, you may not like, not adapt, but you can accept it?


Here’s an example: you may have social anxiety, because you’re clumsy in front of others — you’re afraid of making a bad impression, and you’re afraid to interact with strangers.

But: who says one has to be“Not clumsy”? Does it matter? Does it lead to serious misunderstandings about you? If not, why not accept that“This is who I am” and let others accept it?

If you can apply this mindset well, you will find that a lot of stress and trouble, in fact, are self-trouble.

Its essence is to help you raise your own threshold, reduce the impact of all internal and external stimuli on you, so that you can stay in a better state, to truly“Be yourself.”.

2. Store your energy reserves

Highly sensitive people, who often suffer from mood swings, are prone to emotional overload and fatigue, feeling like they don’t want to do anything and aren’t motivated to do anything.

At this point, you need some positive motivation and feedback to help you regain momentum and status.

As it happens, highly sensitive people also have a trait: because their inferior frontal gyrus is more active, they have a greater response to information related to positive emotions.

In short, for highly sensitive people, it’s easy to get upset, frustrated, and frustrated by a little thing, but at the same time, a little happiness is enough to get them excited, feel Life suddenly shot into a ray of sunshine.

Therefore, from the storage of some more happiness in life, that is, their energy storehouse, it is very necessary.

What is an energy chamber? I would divide a person’s sources of energy into three categories:

1) skill and achievement play and feedback.

For example, at work, completed a difficult task, the boss, the recognition of customers; to help a colleague a favor, get colleagues praise and gratitude. And so on.

2) effective and close social interaction

For example: two or three friends who can talk about their troubles; a circle of friends who can make new friends who are like-minded. And so on.

3) mental activity that produces a sense of pleasure

For example: reading novels, watching movies, playing games, shopping, visiting stores, outdoor sports… … and so on.

Usually can pay more attention, from these channels to store some more happiness, a continuous source for their own sense of identity, sense of value and freshness.

How to get rid of internal friction

I’ve written before about what is the best state in life? It means being completely focused on what you are doing right now, whether it’s studying, working, thinking, or having fun.

But for some, it can be a luxury.

No matter what time it is, their brain is always working, processing a lot of information, there is no way to empty out. As a result, they are particularly prone to the phenomenon of“Thinking too much.”.

For example:

Want to concentrate on work, the mind is always involuntarily surging all kinds of thoughts, worries and worries, to distract themselves;

Encounter a little small things will think a lot, often over and over to think, and even affect sleep when serious;

Often there is“Choice difficulties”, especially do not like to make a choice, because they always reversed the choice of thinking, weighing, consuming a lot of energy;

And, life is always subconsciously on a lot of things to remain vigilant, encounter a matter, the first reaction is always“Will there be a problem”…

In the eyes of outsiders, their minds turn quickly, thinking problems are also very comprehensive, appear very“Smart.”.

But only they know, this feeling, in fact, very very painful.

Because they have to put a lot of mental energy and energy into dealing with these thoughts that come into their head, and so, in everyday life, almost all are in a state of“Full operation”. As a result, it’s especially easy to feel exhausted even if you don’t do much each day.

This is especially true when they need to make decisions and take action.

For example, a normal person may have 80% of their energy available for action, but they only have 30,40% of their energy available, and this part of their energy, you also have to fight the Random Thoughts that takes up 50% , 60% of your brain power.

So, one of the characteristics of these people is: always think a lot, but often trapped in their own thoughts, really put into action, very few.

In psychology, this phenomenon is called“Overthinking”, it has a more common name, called“Spiritual internal friction”.

Obviously, this phenomenon in an introverted, sensitive people, will be more likely to produce. They are indeed the main victims of internal strife.

If you have experienced a similar problem, then today, I would like to talk to you about my experience and experience.

First of all, or talk about, why there is the phenomenon of internal friction in the spirit of it?

The first factor is overactive DMN.

As I’ve said in previous articles, our brains are actually working when we’re doing nothing. This is called the Default Mode Network (DMN) .

What does the DMN do? It’s combing through bits and pieces of information in the back of the brain, reactivating information that may have been forgotten. In computer terms, it is“Indexing” the brain.

So, even if we don’t do anything, the brain is actually continuing to use about 20 percent of our daily energy. Because of this principle.

Similarly, people with more active DMN tend to have better long-term memory, imagination, creativity, and so on. That’s why-because their DMN is more active, therefore collates the information the efficiency to be higher, the effect is also better.

But the problem is that the brain regions involved in the DMN are highly overlapping with those involved in the network of self and others and emotional judgment.

In other words: people with more active DMN’s are also more likely to think about“Other people’s feelings” and notice“Bad things”. This gives them a big advantage: greater empathy.

But this, in turn, creates a huge problem: internal friction.

On the one hand, the DMN is overactive, making it difficult for them to concentrate on their work. Because the DMN constantly competes with the Task Positive Network (TPN) for attention.

On the other hand, when the DMN is not clamped down by the TPN, it is more“Free”. It will constantly send all kinds of negative thoughts from the memory to the consciousness, constantly reminding itself of their existence, … Whether they are big, small, past, future, long-term, short-term, serious, slight…

To some extent, this does help to solve the problem, but also help us prepare for the future. As a result, these people are rarely“Inconsiderate” and tend to think holistically.

But it is precisely because of this, leading them to“Think more, do less.”.

Why? Because our brains are loss averse. Faced with the same gains and losses, we dislike the latter about twice as much as the former. Put crudely, we may be inclined to act when a choice is 67% good for US and 33% bad for us. That’s a crude way of putting it

(for risk-averse people, the ratio may be even higher to impress them.)

Similarly, our brain has a function in processing all kinds of information out of loss aversion, called threat recognition. It acts like a radar, constantly scanning everything around for possible threats to keep itself safe.

And what is the signature of threat recognition? It tends to exaggerate and highlight the potentially threatening details of a thing, ignoring the safe, normal details that keep us from seeing the whole picture.

For example. Suppose a choice has 10 factors, 5 of which are favorable and 5 of which are unfavorable. At this point, if you see the whole picture, then it is 50-50, you choose to act or not, are reasonable.

But because of loss aversion, we might wait until it’s 70-30, when it’s 70% in our favor.

At this point, we add threat identification. Because of threat recognition, it may be easier to focus on the three downsides and miss the seven upsides-for example, we may focus on only five, three of which are downsides, two is advantageous.

So, for us, it becomes 40-60.

(disadvantage: 3/5 = 60% ; advantage: 2/5 = 40%)

That is, the presence of loss aversion and threat recognition blinds us to the full picture, and on that basis, retains the bad and leaves out the good.

Is there any way we can still do this? Apparently not. We’ve been“Intimidated” by it.

This is the second factor: the fear generated by threat recognition.

As I said before, most of the time, it’s not the problem that gets in the way, it’s our fear of the problem.

But is this fear real? Not really. As can be seen from the previous analysis, the existence of this fear, from our vision of one-sided, from our hearts to the loss and threat of rejection. It is false and untrue. We are scaring ourselves.

In fact, the brain actually provides another tool for making up, which is our“Extended memory,” our past experiences of action, success, and experience.

In your past life, every time you succeeded in“Doing” something-maybe it was making a decision, maybe it was taking a brave step, maybe it was trying something new… … The Brain writes it down, stores it in“Extended memory,” and adds a point.

When the brain detects a threat, it invokes information from an extended memory to counter and neutralize the threat.

But for the mentally challenged, because they think too much and do too little, “Extended memory” is inherently weaker, making it harder to fight fear.

Therefore, a person who is suffering from severe mental infighting is actually trapped in such a negative cycle:

You have a problem and decide to look it over first

This“Review” leads you to over-exaggerate the threat and develop fear;

This fear further weakens your intention to act, and you need more energy to fight it before you can take action, thus causing procrastination;

Most problems get worse by procrastination, and eventually force you to take action, so you feel“I made a bad decision.”

Over time, this feeling will increase your self-doubt, weaken your confidence, and thus weaken your“Extended memory,” making you less able to fight the fear…

What is the result of this negative cycle? Is a decline in happiness.

On the one hand, this tendency toward inactivity and self-doubt threatens a person’s sense of worth and meaning, making him feel“Powerless,” and thereby reducing life satisfaction.

On the other hand, a classic 2010 paper found that when people fall into the DMN, they are almost 100% less happy (Killingsworth and Gilbert, 2010) .

This means that the longer a person spends in life with DMN, the lower their overall level of happiness.

The reason for this is simple: When we focus, we experience the feeling of having“Racked our brains to get over the hump.” It’s a positive cycle that stimulates our reward circuits and makes us feel good.

On the other hand, when we are dominated by the DMN, not only do we get distracted and fail to“Rack our brains” as much as possible, but we also experience a series of negative, unpleasant thoughts, make us feel powerless.

This is the problem with inner conflict:

It will not only drain your energy, reduce your ability to act, and make you feel exhausted;

It can also reduce your life satisfaction and happiness, and even affect your sense of meaning.

So, having said all this, how do we overcome the spiritual infighting?

SHARE 4 effective methods. Might as well in ordinary life, more to consciously train, make them a habit.

1. Control your thoughts

Think about it: what actually happens when we get caught up in the inner turmoil of the mind?

We’re all caught up in our own negative thoughts, getting caught up in the fight against them and exhausting ourselves, aren’t we?

So, how to deal with it? So you don’t have any negative thoughts at all? Unfortunately, this is impractical, as the name implies-DMN is a“Default” state, it is the normal state of life.

But we can allow ourselves to“Tolerate” these negative thoughts and take control of them instead of letting them dominate our thinking.

1) when we have a negative thought, accept it and say, “I know, I’ll deal with it when I have time. Now leave.”.

2) keep a notebook to keep track of your negative thoughts. When they occur, jot them down and then stop thinking about them.

3) every day, or every week, set aside a certain amount of time to open the notebook and go through the negative thoughts one by one and ask:

“Is it real?”

Is it likely to happen

“Do I have a way to deal with it?”

4) once you’ve thought through these three questions, cross them out; instead, write down ways you can think of and act on them.

In this way, you can reinforce your own initiative and feel that I am in control of my thoughts and that I am capable of doing so.

Then, slowly, when you have any more negative thoughts, you will no longer be trapped by them, but can deal with them, and put them.

2.Exercise Mindfulness and perception

What is the nature of DMN? Is the brain’s“Trust horse reins.”. That is, the DMN is activated when we are not deliberately using our brains to focus on an object.

So, to reduce DMN activity, you need to exercise your ability to“Keep your attention on an object.”.

One of the most common practices is mindfulness. You can try it when you are free: find a comfortable position, close your eyes, take about 10 seconds of breathing, focus on breathing, experience the feeling of breathing, don’t mind the thoughts going back and forth in your mind, and don’t try to suppress them. Lasts about 10-15 minutes.

Another way to exercise is to stop everything you’re doing, take a deep breath or two, and ask yourself in order: What Am I seeing right now? Did you hear something? What do you smell? What did my hands and feet touch, what did it feel like? You can also close your eyes and rely on your senses to take a few steps, focusing on the sensory information in the process.

These two exercises, you can use notes to write down, whenever you think of, see the time to do it, and slowly make them a habit.

This can be very effective in strengthening your focus and increasing your ability to control your brain.

3. Attention switching and saturation

What is attention saturation? Put simply: Why are we distracted when we’re Working? The key reason is this: The Things We Do Do Don’t capture our interest 100% , and our attention is“Not saturated”, creating idle resources.

Thus, our brains activate the DMN, shifting attention from the outside to the inside to allocate these idle resources.

So, a simple way to do this is to increase the demand for attention on what we’re doing, and thus saturate it. So it doesn’t activate the DMN.

For example: When I’m working, if I’m doing something that doesn’t require a lot of attention, I’ll take a piecemeal approach. That is, open multiple projects at the same time, Project 1 work for a period of time, switch to Project 2, then work for a period of time, switch to Project 3… … and so on.

What are the benefits? You’re constantly working on a task, and after a while, your brain is bound to get tired of it, and when that happens, part of your attention is left idle, and it’s particularly easy to get distracted, it’s another thing to refocus your attention, to keep it from turning inward, to ruminate on negative thoughts.

Also, my to-do list will have a list of“Questions” that I will need to think about and make decisions about. In the time of fragments, when I’m doing nothing, I don’t turn my attention inward. Instead, I Open the list, Pick a problem, start thinking about it, and use it to fill my attention.

The secret to effective time management lies in these three lists

In other words, we can’t stop ourselves from being distracted, but we can steer the goal of distraction in a more meaningful and desirable direction.

4. Make action the default mode

From the previous analysis, you can see that the main problem with mental infighting is that it drains our motivation and blocks our action.

The reverse is also true: the most effective way to overcome mental friction is to cultivate your own habit of“Taking action”.

So here’s a simple, crude rule:

If you can’t think of a particularly powerful reason for not doing something, choose to do it first.

Think of this as an article of Faith to guide your decision-making and judgment. You can write it down on a post-it note, let yourself see it again and again, remind yourself to take action.

Many times, not to do may have a variety of reasons, may be afraid of trouble, may be a trade-off, may be afraid of uncertainty… … But without doing it, these things will always be“Unknown,” they will never be solved, they will always remain in your memory, along with the activation of the DMN and squeeze your cognitive resources.

Only by taking action can you turn the unknown into the known, the uncertainty into the certainty, and let them be placed and disposed of without disturbing your thoughts.

Action, on the other hand, is the first step in opening up your own positive feedback loop. Most of the time, it’s only when you take action that you realize that the thing I was afraid of wasn’t so terrible after all; much of my previous speculation, worry, and anxiety about it was unnecessary.

This is the first step in overcoming your self-doubt and fear.

It’s also the first step in getting rid of your inner inner turmoil.