Don’t waste your time on these two things

What is your best state in your daily life?
You may have many answers, but one that may be particularly easy to ignore and have a personal impact on us is this:Immerse yourself in what you are doing, the feedback and feelings it gives you, and experience every moment of the moment. Peace of mind, no worries, no worries, no hurry, no worries.
This is a particularly comfortable state. You will feel as if you are one with the world, as if time has stopped moving, filled with a sense of satisfaction, and truly aware of your own existence.
But it is also extremely rare. Many times, we can not control our thoughts, it is always full of all kinds of thoughts.
Or, is to turn the clock to the“Past”, constantly emerging a variety of regrets, failures, unhappy memories, into frustration and self-criticism;
Or it’s turning the clock to“The future,” constantly worrying about all sorts of things that haven’t happened yet, adding to anxiety and stress.
Why Did I do that?If only I had done that;Will this thing fail?What if something goes wrong?……
You must be familiar with these voices. They are always in our best moments, suddenly out of control“Into” the mind, bringing a series of associations and emotional ups and downs, breaking our state, so that we are forced to stop.
Especially introverted and sensitive friends, this feeling may be more frequent and more intense.
Even, if it’s serious, these thoughts can stick in your mind like gangrene, instantly making you feel down and everything around you instantly dark, i can’t focus on what I’m doing. It’s like a black hole, firmly in your attention.
It can be said that regrets about the past, and worries about the future, are the biggest enemies of our lives and work, as well as our happiness.
Only by overcoming them can we regain control of our lives.

So why these two phenomena? What are the mechanisms and reasons for their existence?
Let’s start with worries about the future.
Why do we worry about something that hasn’t happened yet? The most basic mechanism is the“Threat sensitivity” of the brain. The brain constantly scans us for possible threats around us, alerting us to them so that we can avoid them as much as possible.
So what happens if the brain finds no threat in the current environment? Two possibilities arise.
The first is that the brain tells itself: now the environment is safe, I can rest assured. As a result, we feel relaxed and comfortable, able to concentrate on the task at hand, full of energy.
The second, is the brain told themselves: impossible, there must be something I missed, I want to find it out. So, since there’s no threat in the current environment, the brain uses mental time travel to imagine the future, to bring the future into the present, to scan…
Even, in order to identify threats, the brain unconsciously“Catastrophizes”: that is, it picks out the worst of the possible futures and treats them as real threats, send us an alert — although the probability of these possibilities appearing may be less than 10 percent.
Why is that? What determines these two branches? In a word, a sense of security.
It is because we are insecure from the bottom up that the brain has a greater need to recognize that our environment is safe. Then, based on this strong need, the brain will want to exhaust all possibilities, to find out all the factors that may affect and destroy the sense of security. … If you don’t have it in your current environment, look for it in the future.
Yet it is this relentless scanning and searching that reinforces the threat, forcing us to believe that there is a risk that things will go wrong and that we are not really“Safe”.

In other words, it’s a vicious cycle: the brain goes to great lengths to find a threat in order to feel secure, but it’s that search that highlights a threat that might not otherwise exist… It further undermines our sense of security, which in turn strengthens our brain’s belief that we are insecure, so we need to find more threats…
As a result, you will find that once you get into this vicious cycle, your worries will become endless. Even if you solve one worry, tomorrow there will be another. Because the brain stubbornly believes that“No threat” doesn’t mean it’s really safe, it’s more likely that“I don’t see a threat.”.
To avoid this, it will try to find a threat for us, even if it“Creates” one.
We’re like Don Quixote, attacking an enemy that doesn’t exist.

Based on this, we have another need: control.
Why? The reason is simple: there are many possibilities in our lives, there are many paths, which is the safest choice? Of course, we choose the most familiar road.
But is life so easy to live up to our expectations? Most of the time it’s impossible. We want to choose one path, but it’s easy to be led to another; we think it’s going to turn out this way, but by chance it’s going to turn out that way; we think it’s going to turn out this way, … But it didn’t happen as we predicted. … these are very common.
Thus, our excessive need for security creates a powerful need for control: we try to take 100% control over our lives, to choose the best path to achieve the best results, avoid all mistakes and problems.
This is the root of regret: Why Do We Regret? The essential reason is our desire to control everything.
Would it have been better if I had made a different choice?If I had acted decisively instead of procrastinating, would all these problems have disappeared?If I had known then, would I have been able to make better decisions?……
What is the nature of these ideas? It’s our deep-seated belief that we are the hero of the world, that we have to get the best of everything, that everything has to be under our control: we want to make the best choices, get the best results, … Take the wisest course of action, avoid making any mistakes…
But is this illusion right? Of course not.
Is what we think of as a“Better choice” really a better choice? Will it really lead to something better than this? Not Necessarily. Too often, we simply impose our unfulfilled wishes and fantasies on an option, constantly embellishing it, polishing it, turning it into a false illusion.
Life is complicated. Any outcome depends not so much on a choice as on a series of subsequent actions and decisions, as well as on timing and luck. If you don’t think your current choice is good enough, even if you can“Read the file” and go back in time to make another choice, the result may not be as good as you expect.
:Doesn’t the brain know about this? It knows, it just can’t accept that I can’t have 100% control over my life, so it has to find a scapegoat, push all your regrets and resentments onto the“Alternative” and Tell Yourself:
I had 100% control over my life to achieve the best possible outcome, but because of some mistake, I made the wrong choice. So I’m going to criticize myself, blame myself, if only I had done the right thing…
This is the root cause of our suffering and self-criticism.
We are in essence punishing ourselves with an infinitely glorified illusion that does not exist.

You See? These two kinds of thinking, in fact, have one thing in common: they are aimed at the object, in fact, does not exist.
Are our worries about the future real? Not really. They didn’t happen. Even possible risks are often overstated by the brain and may well never happen at all.
Are our regrets about the past real? Not really. The“Better choices” we use to compare do not exist, they are simply a“Scapegoat” that the brain sets up to satisfy its need for control.
That is to say: what causes US worry, anxiety and stress is actually something that does not exist. There is no real problem waiting for us in this world, only air.
In this sense, the brain is like a cautious but“Incompetent” housekeeper who works hard and devotes all his energy to meaningless tasks, the goal seems to be to prove to you that“I’m working hard” doesn’t help our lives in any way, but adds a lot of obstacles.
But is it all his fault? Not really.
What is the root cause of this steward of the brain? For fear of our reproaches.

What are the origins of security and control? Because we are not satisfied with ourselves. We are not satisfied with the status quo of our lives, think that there are many problems in their own body, think that they made many mistakes, think that they did not do the ideal“Perfect” appearance…
。It is this self-criticism and dissatisfaction, that constantly drives the brain, to do all kinds of meaningless things, in order to“Make up for lost time,” to fill and repair this dissatisfaction.
But is this dissatisfaction real?
Actually, no.
As I have said in many articles, we all have in our minds a perfect and wise “Ideal self”, who is infallible, absolutely rational, Ray of Light, impeccable, … He has none of our faults, none of our fears, anxieties, vanities, selfishness…
We hold ourselves to his standards, demand ourselves, discipline ourselves, and when we find a gap between us and him, we criticize ourselves, criticize ourselves, and demand that we be better in every way. Ask yourself to be more self-disciplined, more resolute, more decisive, more action-oriented…
The brain is afraid that you will blame it, only to try to prove themselves.
But where does this“Ideal self” come from? Comes from two sources.
。On the one hand, it’s a collection of wonderful attributes that are instilled in us by the outside world: a successful/good person is necessarily self-disciplined, determined, decisive, and highly motivated… . … He is not bothered by trifles, he is always goal-oriented, strong-willed, decisive and full of courage.
On the other hand, it is actually a“Opposite image” that we find and give to all our shortcomings by assembling them. For example, we subconsciously feel that they are lazy, will subconsciously think: a good person is definitely not“Lazy”, he is always full of passion, always on the road to action…
。The combination of internal and external causes of these two aspects constitutes the“Ideal self”. What is it? A utopia, a nonexistent, illusory horizon.
Many of our suffering, in fact, is also from this, from this utopia can not reach the pain.
But does the pain mean anything? There isn’t. It will only bring more trouble into our lives, reduce our motivation, upset our state of mind, destroy our mood…

So the most important thing to get over this, to get over regrets about the past and worries about the future, is to make yourself believe and accept this:
There is no point in dwelling on this illusory utopia. There is no“Better” state that I can attain. My current state is the“Best” state I can achieve in reality.
Every state of life is the best state of being; every“I” is the best“I” in all possible worlds.
For every decision we make, as long as I think about it carefully in making it, it’s the best I can do, no matter what result it brings, I have the obligation and responsibility to bear.
Similarly, every action we take is the best path we can take right now. Beyond that, there is no better path, nor is there a wiser, more correct“I”.
Now I, is the best I, but also must take responsibility for their own I. In my past career and experience, everything I have achieved has matched my present self.
By accepting this, you can accept this set of inferences from the bottom of your heart:
The mistakes we make are the mistakes that everyone can make.
We have done a good job, the remaining factors, many of which we can not interfere with.
We don’t have to avoid all problems, we just have to wait for them to happen and then solve them.
We don’t have to be perfect, we just have to make ourselves better, more in line with the direction we want to go.
There is no standard for us to meet, no external problem for us to complete, we are free.
We can be whoever we want to be, show who we really are, Act and move in the direction we want to.
The most important thing is to cherish the present moment and enjoy every minute of our life.

Finally, share a few simple tips to help you effectively adjust your thinking.

1. Change your name
If you’re used to ruminating and using“I” as the subject, such as“Why did I do it?”“What was I Feeling?”“What was I thinking?”. … try a different person and think of him as the subject.
比如:For example:

Why would he do that in this situation?

How did they get here?

What does he think things are, and what does he think they are?


In this way, the parts of the brain responsible for processing“Others” and“Cognition” can be highly activated, thereby suppressing self-centered emotional feelings and allowing us to disengage from immersion.

2. The bystander approach
Think about it: if your best friend were in the same situation right now, what would you say to him? How would you help him out?

What words might you say to comfort him?

?How might you analyze his situation so that his thoughts are as close to the truth as possible, rather than being exaggerated by your own fears?

What measures might you advise him to take to avoid losses and minimize risks?


This can be very effective in helping you to regain your composure, to rationally identify exaggerated and highlighted concerns, and to move on from unnecessary fears.

3. Example alignment
Many people have more or less a few role models. It could be a celebrity, a teacher, a senior, a boss, or a close friend. … they tend to have some of the characteristics that you want, that you want and work towards.
So the next time you get caught up in ruminating, think about this: what would he think, what would he do?
If you don’t have someone like that in your life, you might as well assume, “What would a wise friend do in such a situation? This often helps you stay alert right away and get out of your emotional rut.
By the way, a lot of the time, the way we construct our“Wise friend” is the way we want it to be. So you could also think of it as allowing your future self to travel back in time to help you:What would my future, more mature and wiser self do in a situation like this?
This allows you to always see yourself from a higher perspective and get out of your emotional rut.

4. Focus control
When you experience that your thoughts are running wild again, when you suddenly have a shadow on your heart, a little anxiety, anxiety and fear
Try saying to yourself: this is all false. I’m fine now. Most of the things I worry about don’t happen.
Then gently pull your attention back and try to focus on something. It can be feeling your surroundings, opening up your five senses, to feel and experience, or it can be pulling back to the task at hand, letting yourself move and filling in the gaps in your attention.
Practice this until it becomes a habit. This allows our brain to become more controlled, thus allowing us to mentally distance ourselves from all sorts of distractions and not be at their mercy.
You’ll be more comfortable with what’s going on in your life.

What is a shadow? A Shadow is a place where there is no light.

Go forward a little, don’t stay in their own fantasy, go forward, go to the Sun.

You will find that there is no shadow at all.

I’ve been miserable. Here’s some advice

The internet has been very lively, if you indulge in the excitement brought by the excitement, will lose their own.

Those of us who make money on the Internet are lonely most of the time.

No teachers, no textbooks, no standard answers, not even directions.

What do we do?

All things are bitter, only self-crossing.

Here are some tips for You:

  1. The Internet is a tool for making money, not for entertainment, not for wasting time on things that have nothing to do with making money.
  2. The world has never been fair, less complaining, more time to exercise their ability.
  3. Master the methodology of getting things done.
  4. A goal without steps is no goal at all.
  5. Sum up their own means to solve the problem, ideas and patterns.
  6. Learn to translate experience, can do one thing method, can do a lot of things.
  7. Do something that accumulates, precipitates, and shows your face.
  8. Build success stories.
  9. Develop strengths, avoid weaknesses, focus, determine a main battlefield of their own.
  10. Find a product to sell as soon as possible, even if you are still working.
  11. Always do something beyond your ability.
  12. Find someone better than you and within reach to set an example.
  13. Make yourself useful first, then exchange value with others.
  14. Work first, then make a name for yourself, then mix circles.
  15. 。Extensive pay, do not care about something, a person’s gain and loss, as long as the overall return can be greater than pay.
  16. If you’re obsessed with a field, don’t hesitate to make money on it.
  17. Keep moving forward in the midst of imperfection.

Don’t carve the details

Some time ago, I saw a funny picture on the Internet. Some people shared their notes about learning to program on social networks. They copied lines of code by hand. The handwriting was clear and the typesetting was neat.
It may be a joke, but it reminds me of my school days. Many years ago, when I was still in school, there were many very serious students in the class, eager to make class notes very beautiful, neat, and some even use a ruler to compare to write. Over the course of a year, I will finish several notebooks, which are full and full.
By contrast, I’m an outlier because I never take notes in class. I remember the look of surprise and amazement on my face when I said, “I don’t take notes.”-in retrospect, she probably thought I didn’t want to borrow them, just make up an excuse.
Of course, the pursuit of making notes very neat, beautiful, not necessarily bad, this is a love of life performance. But in my opinion, everyone’s time and energy is limited. If you focus on“Taking notes”, you will have less energy to think and digest. The latter may be more important than the former.
The Chinese Internet has a name, the pursuit of such exquisite details called“Detail carving”, I think it is quite appropriate.
Many people have the habit of delving into and tossing about small things, but turning a blind eye to bigger, more important things. For example:

Love to toss tools and methods, but neglect to cultivate a really effective, long-lasting good habits;

Keen to collect and record, hoarding a lot of things but never going through them;

Keen on how to make the notes look better, more cool, but neglected, the real value of notes, is to help themselves to digest knowledge.

……
When you work in the wrong direction, put in more efforts, in fact, does not make much sense.
It’s not that we don’t want perfection in the details. It’s this: when you’re polishing the details, think:

Do these details matter?

Is their value proportional to the amount of time and energy I put into them?

Other than these details, is there anything more important or higher priority that I’ve overlooked?


It only makes sense to polish the details when you’ve done something, built a system, or otherwise you’re just carving the details.

But the problem is that many are particularly vulnerable to a trap:。It’s not that we’ve made something and honed the details; it’s that we try to give ourselves a sense of security and comfort by honing the details, let yourself feel“I did a lot of things,” and then feel at ease to escape.
From what? To avoid facing the really difficult things, to face the time and energy that must be invested, to face the frustration and frustration of possible failure.
。Its essence, in fact, is still to stay in their own comfort zone, do something absolutely can not fail, through the reinforcement of order and the accumulation of details to enhance self-confidence.
。Order is magic. By repeating and reinforcing order, we gain a greater sense of control-we feel as if we have everything under control, that there are rules to follow, that we can understand and solve.
But is it? No. You simply quietly replace the more complex and difficult problem with a more familiar and easier one.
Take a simple example.
Many people in Reading, learning, like to make detailed notes, drawing mind map, must be the original original ideas, the main points of the original exactly down. Just like reading comprehension, make sure to be accurate, comprehensive and complete. If you lose a few pieces of information, you feel uncomfortable. Make sure that each point is neatly organized and that the learning content is perfectly compressed into a single note.
After writing it down and looking at it, I feel very safe. What does it mean for them to“Digest” an article? It means that you are familiar with this article. What is the structure of the article, what does the author say first, what does he say later, what does each part say separately… … It’s all in the notes.
But does it really work? Not much use. You are simply replacing the more complex question of“Understanding this article” with a simpler question of“Compress this article”. Does mastery of an article mean that you fully understand and master it? Many times, the answer is no.
What is the real understanding? It’s knowing the In & Out of every point in the paper, knowing the author’s argument and logic, knowing how to use it and where to put it when you need it-often at a deep level, is the kernel behind the text.
In turn, the article said what, divided into several parts, each part of what is said separately… … and this is the surface, this is what it looks like. These shapes are tools to help us understand the kernel of an article, but many people tend to think of the tool as the kernel itself.
Stay in detail carving, may give us a sense of comfort, security, but from a certain point of view, it is just a kind of self-touched.

I often see a lot of people sharing their practices of managing their lives: overflowing timelines, colorful dashboards, dense schedules, meticulous inventory, … As well as a variety of habit card… … At first glance, it looks like a lot of information. It seems that from these records, they can clearly see their full and rich life.
Is this a good idea? Sure, it’s great for people who like to record and organize, but it’s not really for me. Because my philosophy is: everything is for the application. Any note, information, or view that doesn’t help me think and act better is redundant.
For example: as a student, I didn’t take notes in class, but I carried around a little book with me where and when I read, jotting down ideas and interesting material. Over time has also accumulated dozens of books. However, the content is hardly“Beautiful”-scrawled handwriting, broken sentences, basically scattered keywords and sketches. I’m afraid nobody can read it but me.
Similarly, my current system of electronic notes is very simple and basically designed to be used. No nice interface, complicated dashboard, cool view… … just what I can find and pull out when I need it.
什么意思呢?举个例子:What does that mean? For example:
For example, if you learn a point, many people will write it down exactly as it is: what is said in the book, what is an example, what is attached to the chart… … trying to get it 100% back into your notes — but it’s redundant. You just put it in a different place, it’s still an external thing.
What would be better? Learn a knowledge point, you first slow down, let it“Hover” in the mind for a while, and then try to use their own words to explain it, speak it out. In the course of speaking, you may encounter some problems, then, write down these problems, this is the valuable thing.
The next step is to look up information to solve these problems — either from the same book or from somewhere else. Once you’ve found the data, use your notes as a workbench to record your thoughts: what assumptions do I have about this problem? What evidence supports my hypothesis? What evidence disproves my hypothesis? And so on.
Finally, you may be able to come to a conclusion, so, write this conclusion down, this is your knowledge about this point of note. What it carries is not the restoration of“How others describe it”, but“What my opinion is”.
Notes are for use. The information in your notes should be an extension of your thinking. We need to think about a problem, but our brains can’t hold all the necessary information, so we store it in our notes for quick access when we need it-that’s effective knowledge management, instead of taking notes for the sake of taking notes.
Managing life is the same: Do I need to copy my life into software? No need. I only need to consider one question: what can I learn from my past experience?
So instead of keeping a detailed record of my life, I do this: When I’m at work, I jot down the thoughts that come to me from time to time. May be encountered by the actual problem, may be their own strategy and mentality process…
These ideas are piecemeal, and I don’t organize them into perfect records and spreadsheets, but rather use them as material, to integrate, analyze, think, distill useful experiences into a number of strategies and approaches, write them down.
Even if you know it well enough, it doesn’t matter whether you write it down or not, as long as you can use it.
This could be a more efficient and labour-saving approach.

In a word: one of the most useful ways of thinking to avoid the trap of“Detail carving” is to focus on the application. All knowledge and action must be organized around applications.
If you want to learn to program, write code instead of taking notes (and certainly not by hand) . A small project down, the basic method of consolidation. What’s left to remember, such as what functions to call for what effects to implement, what Apis to call, and what to write, is what to search for when needed. Not to mention AI auto-completion now, to a large extent this part of the work can also be saved.
If you want to learn English, practice it instead of looking at the textbook behind closed doors. If you want to exercise your reading ability, read English articles; if you want to exercise your expression ability, talk and communicate with others on English forums. When you come across new words, look them up in the dictionary and read them several times. When you come across new expressions, force yourself to use them and copy sentences. Read more, write more, naturally skilled, do not have to worry about grammar.
Learn a method, if you find it useful, then immediately go to life to find opportunities, create scenarios to use, in the process of using the problem, find obstacles, and then solve these obstacles. Practice until it becomes a habit, a subconscious instinct. Instead of putting it in your notes and gathering dust.
Find a new thing, a new trend, think about how it can relate to your life, what role it can play, once the idea, immediately do it, to the targeted access to the necessary information, step by step to complement their own knowledge. Rather than relying on the experience of others, experience and experience.
。In the process, it may be crude and crude, but that doesn’t matter. First there is a framework, and then step by step to fill and improve it. Put the framework together, and you’re 80% done. The other 20% , and work your way up to the next iteration.
Instead of just staring at the 20% from the beginning, constantly working on it and expending a lot of energy to improve and fix it.
Otherwise, it’s easy to see how something you’ve worked so hard to build might not work at all — or, more likely, how you’ve worked so hard to build it that it doesn’t work at all, there’s no way to finish it.
One of the guidelines I give myself is to keep asking myself: Is What I’m doing important? How will it affect the outcome?
Small to write an article, I may be struggling here to use the word, these words whether to switch the order… … and I ask myself: Does it matter. Should I first put the whole logic and context, put all the information fully expressed, on this basis, if there is still time, and then see if these can write better.
It’s big enough to work on a project, and when you’re in a meeting, you might argue over the implementation of a few minor details. At this point, I will ask you: are these questions important? Whether we should set the direction first, form a consensus, put forward a few feasible plans to the problem at hand, and then explore the details of these plans in detail.
In management, there’s a word for it: the bike shed effect: we avoid making really important decisions, but we spend a lot of energy on trivia like whether or not to build a bike shed. This is completely unnecessary and worthless.

No one is mediocre

In the comments section of last Thursday’s post, three ways to get your confidence back with ease, a reader asked a question:
Perhaps many people are ordinary people, very ordinary, no skill, then for these ordinary people, what capital can make themselves more confident?
This reader is very kind and well-intentioned, but this kind of thinking can be mistaken.
What kind of mistake?
First of all, we need to be clear: in this world, with the exception of a small number of people who can make history, the progress of human civilization, the vast majority of people are“Ordinary people.”. After all, we are not great people, nor are we great scientists, entrepreneurs, our contribution to the world and influence is limited. In this sense, perhaps 99.99% of the population is“Average”.
But is everyone really just“Normal”?
I want to use today’s article to explore this question.

To start with: to divide people into“Ordinary people” and“Not ordinary people” this view, is actually a misunderstanding, is deep-rooted one-way thinking.
What is one-way thinking? Simply put, is that there is only one path in the world, an end point, a standard of evaluation. No matter what your goal is, you have to go to the same destination, no matter what you look like, you have to be put in the criteria, and if you meet it, you stay, if it doesn’t fit, filter it out.
With this kind of thinking, it’s easy to develop a set of ideas:

  • A person can be successful, it must be because he has certain characteristics, as long as we have these characteristics, we can succeed;
  • If a man does something, it must be because he has taken some action, and if we copy these actions, we can do it
  • All results can be measured by indicators, as long as we achieve a certain target, we can achieve the desired effect…
    Are they right? In fact, they are both simple attributions: in the real world, the causes of all outcomes may be complex, the product of many factors, but this approach, they are simply boiled down to one or two of the few reasons. They will tell you that cause and effect in the world is simple and direct: If You Do A, you get B; if you want B, you get A.
    But is the real world really that simple? Of course not. In fact, this is just an overly simplistic abstract modeling of the world in response to the brain’s need to“Save energy.”.
    Similarly, the so-called“Ordinary people” this view, in fact, is a typical one-way thinking.
    It is always easy to divide people into“Excellent” and“Ordinary”. It seems that you can only be a good person if you meet certain worldly standards. On the contrary, the unsatisfied are ordinary people, ordinary people are useless.
    But in fact, this division is only forced to use a single standard, to replace all the standards.
    As long as there is such a dichotomy between“Excellent” and“Ordinary”, there must be a standard for judging, and this criterion must be linear-it must be unified all the factors in the same reference system, with the same set of ratings to judge, in order to make sense.
    In childhood, it may be“Obedient”; in school, it may be“Achievement”; in society, it may be“Income”.
    No matter what you look like, engaged in what work, have what special skill, have what ability, like what, what character is… … all your qualities and attributes will be judged by a single set of criteria, whether or not they suit you.
    All the voices are telling you: you have to adapt to this society, to this set of external criteria, to this set of norms and constraints. If you don’t fit in, you’re a loser.
    This may be the source of much of our suffering.

    In fact, what does this amount to? It’s like putting all the people in a line and forcing us to look away, forcing us to look from a distance. So we can only see whether they are“Uniform”, whether they are“Exceptional”.
    But as long as you look closer and really pay attention to everyone, then there is no mediocrity, there is no“Ordinary people.”.
    The reason is simple: Time is equal to everyone. Then everyone in the same time, there will be their own accumulation. These accumulation and because of endowment, character and environment, will form their own different forms.
    So, on a micro level, everyone is completely different. But this kind of difference, is unable to put in the same set of standards to judge.
    Just like when we were in school, there must be“Top students” and“Bottom students” in each class-but are the students who are not good enough really useless? Certainly not. They may have a good heart, some can sing and dance, some full of ideas, some full of observation… … but these qualities are completely suppressed and obscured by the uniform criteria of“Achievement.”.
    Similarly, after walking into the society, many people will also have their own choices and orientations. They may not have glamorous jobs, high incomes, or exceptional social status, but that doesn’t mean they’re“Average” or“Average.”.
    If we take a closer look and really observe everyone’s life, we will find that everyone’s life is actually colorful, and everyone must have his own more outstanding than others, more“Excellent” place.
    A few simple examples:
  • Some people may be particularly good at painting, can draw a beautiful work;
  • Some people may be particularly good at telling stories, always able to have very creative ideas;
  • Some people may always be the karaoke bar in KTV, is the warm-up of activities and parties;
  • Some people may be affinity burst, always can let the people around like bathing spring breeze;
  • Some people may read a wide range of fields and topics have their own views;……
  • ……
    In fact, it was even more extreme. Even if some people did nothing but play games, swipe their phones, and watch TV shows after work every day, over time, they would focus on games, movies, and television shows, there must be accumulation beyond the ordinary.
    Is this accumulation useless? Not Necessarily. As soon as they talk to someone about something they know, they may open up and talk — and the joy they feel is also real.
    In the accumulation of time, everyone will have their own area of expertise. The only thing that matters is whether these areas of expertise are reflected in your daily life and bring you joy and feedback.
    So I’ve always said that excellence is compared to yourself. When compared with others, there is only diversity, no excellence, there is no mediocrity.
    Because under everyone’s own frame of reference, everyone can be the best.

    To put it bluntly, our reluctance to accept the idea that no one is average is based on one thing:Many of the areas we know and excel in don’t translate directly into value — in plain English, no money. That’s all.
    But is it really necessary to make money and be happy? Not Necessarily.
  • Money, of course, brings happiness, no doubt about it. But the development of positive psychology over the past few decades is really about one thing: money doesn’t have to be the only thing that brings happiness.
    I’ve written a lot about this: where does happiness come from? It comes from whether you think your life has meaning, whether you can experience an aesthetic feeling in your daily life, whether you can do what you are good at and love to do, whether you have a career that you are willing to commit to for a long time, … Whether can get enough sense of achievement from the action, whether has the harmonious and harmonious friendship…
    These, and money are not in fact a strong link.
    In fact, the relationship between material income and happiness, is more like a parabola: as long as you reach or exceed a certain threshold, and then go up, the happiness that money can bring is not particularly strong.
    On that basis, what does higher happiness depend on? Your sense of meaning, your sense of purpose, your sense of achievement, your sense of value, your sense of support.
    And these, can not be bought with money, they only depend on your own view of life and attitude.
    In fact, if a person is in good health, has a good family, has a job that he doesn’t hate, and is busy but still has free time to spend while he has basic food and clothing, being interested and motivated to learn new things, and having a few friends to talk to and complain about — that’s happiness enough.
    If on this basis, happen to work or their love, every day can feel their own growth, have an ideal and can adhere to achieve it, with like-minded bosom friends or partners, … With hobbies that pass the time…
    I think, such a life, may have been difficult to find regret.
    What is true wealth and freedom? Is a trade-off between desire and ability. Our pain does not come from the lack of material, but because the desire is far beyond the ability, this gap caused the pain.
    In other words, if one knows clearly the limits of one’s abilities, what one wants, and is able to keep one’s desires well within the limits of one’s abilities, then in fact, for him, he has achieved the freedom of wealth.
    If you feel that your strengths don’t translate into material wealth, making you feel“Mediocre,” think about it: Can your material situation meet your needs? What are the basic requirements of your needs, what are the things you want from your heart, and what are the non-essential desires of superiority and vanity that are disciplined and indoctrinated by the outside world?
    If you don’t want to take your life seriously, who else can make it count?

    As I said before, everyone has their own areas of expertise, and the only thing that matters, is whether those areas of expertise, are reflected in your daily life, bringing you joy and feedback.
    So what if we simply can’t find room in our daily lives for our talents?
    A simple but effective tip: Get out there, connect with the world, meet more people, make connections.
    A simple truth is: in this world, everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, have their own supply and demand. If you spend a lot of time in a one-way environment and are constantly asked to use the same set of criteria and frame of reference, you will only feel“Very mediocre” all the time.
    Because in this environment, diversity is not allowed and difference is not encouraged.
    But once you get out there and connect more with other people and different lifestyles, you may find that:It turns out that the world is so big and there are so many“Different” people. It turns out that the knowledge and skills I know, understand and master can help others solve problems and create value for others.
    For example: I have met some very“Good” people, but they do not know everything, there are also some ignorant, very naive fields. In these areas, they are the same as everyone else, without any superiority.
    But that doesn’t stop them from playing to their strengths, because when they need it, they can find the right people, pool their resources, and use the knowledge and power of others to create value and solve problems.
    To some extent, the whole world is a network, and each person is a node. How much value a node can deliver is closely related to the network it sits on and the other loops it connects to.
    Put a node into a larger network, let it produce more connections, it can exchange and transfer more information, create more value.
    Give it a try: join a theme group or offline organization, participate in an activity of interest, share your experience online, learn about different fields and industries, meet and meet more strangers… … and slowly build up one weak relationship after another.
    Do not bother to maintain, nor with a strong sense of purpose. What you need to do is to always be open and engaged, to throw yourself into a larger ocean, to connect with others, to collide with the world.
    You may find that you are opening up a bigger world.

    Finally, a quick post: What if you’ve always felt mediocre and haven’t found something you’re good at or interested in?
    Share a few tips to help you better build your self-awareness.

    1) when making small talk, ask what people think of you and what they think of you.
    For example:
  • What impressed you most about me?
  • If you wanted to introduce me to someone, how would you introduce me?
  • If you want to buy my time, what would you like me to do for you?

  • This is a visual reflection of your first impression in the minds of others, and is often the most intuitive, most subconscious of your interactions with others. At the same time, it can also reflect other people’s evaluation of you, help you understand other people’s perception and judgment of your abilities, strengths and advantages.
    Of course, you can not be so direct, but should be according to the occasion, atmosphere, “Appropriate” to ask, which needs to test your ability to communicate.
    2) in your life and work, whether it’s a task or a hobby, try to look outside yourself and ask yourself:
  • When I do this, do I feel happy or bored?
  • Am I curious to explore it further, or just business-like and not interested?
  • When I do this task, do I feel smooth and comfortable, or do I need to stop and think often?
  • Do I flow naturally, or am I particularly easily distracted and distracted?
  • What do people say about my work? Is it always one-off, or is it always fine-tuned and modified?

  • This can help you get a clearer picture of what you like, what you’re good at, What’s right for you, and what you want.
    3) make a conscious effort to accumulate positive feedback and praise from others, especially by writing down:
    For what reason do people praise me, what is the specific point?What my own feelings and evaluations are, do I agree with these compliments, and why?At these points, what is the average level of others, am I really doing better than others?
    This will help you understand your place in others’ evaluation criteria and reference system, and help you know yourself more fully and objectively.


  • Finally, to summarize:
    It is always easy to divide people into”Excellent” and”Ordinary”. This is a typical one-way thinking. This division simply forces us to look at them from a distance, to see whether they are“Uniform” and“Exceptional”.
    As long as you look closer, really to pay attention to everyone, then there is no mediocrity. Because time is equal to everyone, everyone will have their own accumulation in time, resulting in people are completely different. Therefore, everyone must have some strengths of their own, is better than others do, more superior place. Excellent is compared with their own, and compared with others, only diverse, not excellent.
    Many times we focus on“Mediocrity” simply because our strengths can not be translated into material wealth. But material things are not the same as happiness. How You View Your Life and how you balance your desires and abilities is more important than how much material wealth you have.
    If you feel like you can’t get feedback on what you’re good at, get out there and connect with more people. Always keep an open and participatory mind, throw yourself into a larger ocean, and find a place to meet the needs of others.

    I hope today’s article can give you some strength and help you clear up some confusion.
    Don’t forget that no one is mediocre.
    We are all ordinary people, but we are also not ordinary ordinary people.

Are you a social terrorist or a social bully?

Make an interesting observation.
I have said in many articles: I am a highly social fear of people. At first I thought it might be a niche phenomenon. As a result, in recent years, I have found that“Social phobia” as their own label, it seems that more and more people. Many people have started to introduce themselves in this way.
Is this the social trend of the new generation?
Just kidding. Actually, that’s a good thing. This shows that our time is allowing more and more people to speak out. Many phenomena that might have been considered“Abnormal” in the past gradually became“Normal” and began to be recognized and noticed by the society. They no longer have to hide themselves and force themselves to act according to worldly norms.
Including what. Introversion, sensitivity, depression, sexuality, and, of course, social phobia…
Today’s article, I want to talk about this topic with you. Hopefully this will help you understand better: do we need to socialize? What kind of social interaction do we need?

First, let’s talk about the topic at the beginning of this article:为Why do more and more young people think of themselves as“Social phobia”? Is there any reason other than the original fear of the people concerned?
One Big Reason: this is a highly atomized age.
We know that human beings are social creatures. What is one hundred thousand of the fundamental instincts that has accompanied human evolution over the years? It’s a group.
What is the purpose of this group? It is to maximize our sense of security, to keep us out of danger, and to work together to deal with external threats. Therefore, for human beings, the most natural way of life is the traditional rural civilization, everyone resettled, long-term maintenance of a more stable way of life, living environment and contact groups, thus gradually formed the group pattern of kinship and geography.
This pattern creates a social culture of mutual support and collaboration that satisfies our needs and desires for the security of“Togetherness.”.
But urbanisation has broken that pattern. In big cities, people are divided into individual units. Whether it’s where we live, where we work, or in our daily lives and trajectories, we communicate and connect as individuals. And our environment is often changeable, fast, light, so it is difficult to form effective contact.
Think about it: are you familiar with your neighbors in the same neighborhood? Do you communicate and keep in touch with your colleagues in the company? How many friends do you meet and party with every week or month?
Most of the time, our relationship with the people around us is just a nodding acquaintance. We live as individuals, interact with others as individuals, and maintain boundaries and distances with others as individuals.

This is atomization: the rapid development and absorption of urbanization, so that each of us are cut into a“Atom”, along their own trajectory with others to communicate and interact, maintain the appropriate distance. Too far and there will be suction, too close and there will be repulsion.
What does that amount to? We are cut off from our own circles and communities and thrown into a highly uncertain environment. We don’t know if the people around us are“Different” or how many of them are“Like” us. Everything is unknown.
This creates huge uncertainty.
It is this uncertainty that keeps us The Hours in a state of heightened alertness and arousal… We don’t know what kind of people we are dealing with. We don’t know if others are like us or like us. We don’t know where their boundaries are. We don’t know what strategies we should adopt to deal with them.
And this uncertainty is hard to eliminate. The accelerating pace of modern society has made everyone so busy that we rarely really get to know the people we connect with. You may have lived with your neighbors for years, but did you know them well? Have you ever had a closer relationship with a colleague in your office than you do at work or with your boss?
It is this high degree of uncertainty that puts a heavy burden on our social lives at all times. We need to put on a layer of mask for themselves, to adapt to different occasions, face different people, show a different“Persona”…
Especially for the introverted, sensitive, and overthinking people, to design this layer of masks and personas, to pay attention to their own words and deeds, to understand and receive information from strangers, is a much more difficult task, putting a higher load on their brain.
Over time, “Social” becomes a chore, a burden on our minds.
Every sociopath, don’t they need to socialize? Not Necessarily. They just don’t like the way it takes a lot of resources, to build a persona, to deal with and eliminate uncertainty.

So, do we have to be social? Is it possible that we don’t need to socialize as much as we need to focus on living our own lives?
As mentioned earlier, “Clinging” is a basic human instinct and need that comes with evolution. The same is true of socializing. Many studies have found that social interaction is a low-level need in the brain that is rooted in our physiology.
For example, a 2020 study found that a pathway in the prefrontal cortex of the brain is activated when humans interact with living objects, and vice versa when interacting with inanimate objects, this pathway remains silent (Ninomiya et al. , 2020) . This means our brains are naturally more sensitive to“Human feedback”.
This phenomenon also exists in other mammals (monkeys) . This shows: for mammals, social, and how to better adapt to social, is a very important, it is worth devoting a“Function” thing.
Thus, in most demand models, positive social feedback is a basic need, along with food, sleep, and stability. When lacking, it creates an internal imbalance (Cacioppo J et al. , 2014) .
。For example, a 2020 study found that a prolonged lack of social interaction with other people triggers very similar brain responses to hunger and thirst, namely anxiety, restlessness, and panic, and the desire for effective social cues (Livia Tomova et al. , 2020) .
In other words, if you spend a lot of time between work and home, going to work, staying home, and not being able to socialize effectively, you’re literally starving your brain.
Over time, it may lead to a breakdown of dopaminergic neurons in the midbrain, making it harder to produce dopamine autonomously, it depends more on external stimulation and feedback-that is, games, variety shows, movies and TV shows, information flow, that is, all kinds of short-term stimulation of entertainment.
Therefore, there is a saying that“Stay at home, people waste”, perhaps there is a little truth.

But there is no need to worry too much.
In fact, a lot of times social interaction is not a question of“Yes or no”, but a question of how much. Everyone needs a different social quota. Some people are energetic and enjoy making new friends and meeting new people; others are less social and have a few friends who are good enough to keep up with the latest developments.
How do you know how much you need? One of the most effective criteria is: do statistics show that when you are alone, do you feel comfortable and comfortable, or do you feel lonely and want to communicate with others?
When you’re alone, take a moment, ask yourself how you feel, take notes, and calculate the ratio.
If you’re the former most of the time, that means your social status is appropriate and you don’t need to be social; if you’re the latter more than a third of the time, that probably means, you’re a little bit social and need to find a way to make a change.
Many people think that social interaction is to be in groups, to call friends, to be a group of people together; many articles will also be“How a person” as a“Very poor” sign, … For example: a person eating, a person shopping, a person entertainment, a person to the hospital…
But is it? Not really. Solitude has nothing to do with socializing: one can be alone without being lonely, because one does not need to socialize much.
Studies have shown that intentionally chosen solitude can be peaceful and rejuvenating, but forced social isolation can trigger brain resistance. (Nguyen T et al. , 2018; Thuy-vy T et al. , 2019)
In fact, people who enjoy being alone may also be smarter. A 2016 study of 15,000 people found that people who achieved more at work and in their careers-those who were generally said to be smarter-were more likely to be alone.
Researchers believe that smarter people tend to be more adaptable and therefore less subject to environmental distractions and influences. In other words: for most people, “Being alone” is something to get used to. But smarter people find it easier to adapt and have fun in this solitude.
Smart people, on the other hand, have a higher ability to solve problems independently and a lower need for social support. As a result, they are naturally less socially demanding.
So, if your social status matches your needs, don’t worry about it-even if you’re always alone and aloof in the eyes of outsiders, your heart is full and you don’t need to fill it, this is great.

So, what kind of social interaction do we need?
Many people think that the basis of social interaction is benefit, and the essence of social interaction is to exchange benefits and create value for each other. Anything else is“Meaningless”.
I have to say, this is probably a more popular view of modern people. It’s true, but I’ve always found it too cold, too insensitive, and too impersonal.
So, what is the nature of social interaction? I prefer to define it this way:The essence of socializing is to find people who are in the same boat as you and build your connection to the world.
As I said earlier, the so-called“Social phobia” and“Social dysfunction” stem in large part from this highly atomized age, where we are forced to put on different masks in front of different people, play a“Character”. And what is the ideal and most appropriate social interaction?
It’s when you don’t have to put on a mask or play a character.
There are certain situations, certain people, where you feel comfortable in front of them, where you don’t have to play a certain role, you don’t have to conform to certain social norms, you just have to play yourself, you can present yourself naturally and calmly
。This is the perfect social situation for you. I call this“Co-frequency”.
Take one of my most impressive cases.
I built a lot of student groups. Often someone in the group quite touched to say: there are many topics, a lot of thinking, no one can talk, only here to talk to everyone, and only here, only to find people willing to listen and exchange discussions.
I was also surprised by the number of group discussions: even though we were all strangers from far and wide, there was always a spark in the group, a spark of very interesting ideas and ideas, mutual help… Encourage each other…
I think this is the same frequency. When you find a partner who can“Act Like You”, when you find a place where you can say whatever you want, you don’t need someone to tell you, your heart will tell you, your feelings will give you feedback, and you will know, this is the place for me. This is my kindred spirit.

So I thought, what’s the best way to socialize? It may be different for everyone, but what works best for everyone is to seek out people who share your interests, hobbies, and underlying values. In this way, it is easier to find a partner with the same frequency.
。So I often suggest that you take a little bit of time, about 15 percent of your time, in your life, to get out there, to meet different people, to try new possibilities. Maybe you’ll open a door and find a way to socialize that works for you.
比如:For example:
To expand their interests, to participate in their interest in training courses, clubs, salons, parties, contact with the corresponding groups and circles, expand offline channels;
Explore platforms or content sources that suit your tastes, join their community (if any) , and participate in their activities to screen for people with similar tastes and tastes
Build small, beautiful communities, bring people together, try to do things together, see if there’s a spark;
Or, if you have the ability and the means, to try to make your own voice, to do a public account, a video or a podcast, to gather together a group of people who are“In sync” with you, … Into a tiny, thriving little universe…
These are opportunities that we can try and explore.
A good way of socializing might be to think about the benefits, the value, but I think it’s really important to find people, to gather a group of people with similar cognitive level, aesthetic taste, and similar interests, and to be able to talk to each other, the pleasure and happiness will be much higher than the former.
It makes you feel truly connected to the world, that you are a part of it.

Finally, share a few social tips:
1) enhance transparency
Studies have shown that people who express themselves more fully in social interactions and are consistent with their actions tend to have higher subjective well-being; they also tend to score higher in social interactions, it is less prone to conflict and conflict. (Human L et al. , 2019)
We are always careful to maintain a“False” harmony, but do not know each other is in fact the same.
In many cases, honest communication and being honest with each other is a friendlier and more efficient thing for both parties.
2) give more
For example:

See what you can do and answer.

Do something for someone else.

Try to coordinate and adjust when there is conflict.

Put yourself in someone else’s shoes.

Share your own experience and knowledge to help others…


These are all ways for you to show yourself and“Get closer” to more people. You have to show yourself first, then you will have more chances to meet the same frequency of people.
3) don’t worry about making mistakes
It’s easy to put the other person on the“Judging panel” and ask him to rate our social skills and performance lest we do something wrong-but is he really the judge? No, the other side is also a player, also looking forward to your score.
While you are waiting for your partner to grade you, think about it: the other person is in the same position as you, and he is also“Carefully” waiting for you to grade him.
In this way, you are less likely to feel anxious and can better present yourself.

How to turn a hobby into a career?

Some time ago in the answer, encountered such a problem.
Some readers asked questions and said, “I like writing novels very much. I hope to use it as a way to expand my income. I have written a lot of works and achieved some results, but I still can’t meet my expectations.” On the contrary, because the intensity of work is too high, resulting in great anxiety, writing has lost its former enthusiasm. Should I go on?
This question touched me deeply. Many readers have asked me similar questions. In a word: I have a favorite hobby, and I seem to be doing it well. How can I“Monetize” it?
Especially in recent years, with the booming development of self-media, many people have begun to try to explore the possibility of nine-to-five outside, … I hope I can become a reading blogger, travel blogger, food blogger, visiting blogger, photography blogger…
Or, set up their own studio, rely on their own skills to feed themselves, live a life they like, get rid of office intrigue and intrigue;
For example, turn their hobby into a sideline, so that it can provide their own income, expand their income channels, so that their lives more relaxed and comfortable…
After all, isn’t it the best life in the world for many people to imagine doing something they love and making money at the same time?
If you have such thoughts, I would like to say to you: be careful.

Why? There are three main reasons.
Number One: competition.
A simple truth is: any industry, its degree of competition and threshold is necessarily inversely proportional. The higher the threshold, the less people can enter; conversely, the lower the threshold, there must be more people can flood in, try to get a share of the spoils.
So, if the bar for your hobby isn’t high, maybe you can try asking yourself: What is my competitive advantage? What is the reason why I can do better than others?
Many of the industries that look good are actually the top 1% of the industry we see (or far below 1%) , but there are other industries where more than 99% of the industry is struggling that we don’t see.
There is no such thing as a low-threshold, high-return industry. If there is, it will be gone by the time you know it.
So when you want to get into an industry and start“Monetizing” your skills, you might want to ask yourself: Why Do I believe I’m the Lucky One? What makes me think and do this?
Point Two: input.
When you take it as a hobby, you have plenty of time to develop it, to perfect it, to learn, to get information, to challenge yourself, to expand your experience and experience.
But once you get into the“Monetization” mindset and commit to it as a career, it’s easy to get caught up in the minutiae, being“How to sell it” takes up most of my time and energy, and I don’t have the leisure or interest to think about“How to make it better”.
Take writing. Does the content in writing come from nowhere? No, they must require input. It may come from your reading, your thinking, your life practices, your work and experiences… … Once you cut them off, your writing will quickly become water without a source and will have to repeat itself over and over again.
Or novels. Did the inspiration and inspiration for the novel come out of thin air? Not really. They may come from your daily reading, TV shows, topic study, and conversation. How can you get creative inspiration once your life is filled with creation itself and you have no time to gather and live?
Any skill, once you’ve commercialized it, the time and energy that you can devote to learning and inputting, is going to get squeezed out — so, the amount of time that you’ve accumulated on it, can you sustain your commercial efforts?
This is probably the most important thing to consider and be wary of when you go into business.

The third is the mindset.
Turning something into a job (or a source of income) is a completely different mindset than turning it into a hobby. Even if you like something very much, once you try to turn it into a side business, as a means of monetization, as a business, or even try to start a business — you may not like it as much.
The reason is simple: When you just take it as a hobby, you pursue only one thing: to make it better. But when you think of it as a means of monetization, you may also have to worry about user demand, the business environment, cost-effectiveness, continued growth, scale…
It used to be very attractive to you, maybe only 30% , 20% , 10% .
And you’re under a lot of pressure. You have to live with the pain of not being able to write, the pain of not being inspired but having to write, the pain of having to do a lot of things on your own, the pain of coordinating with different parties, the pain of… The pain of swinging back and forth between“I want” and“The client wants”…
This pain will magnify your anxiety, increase your stress, dilute your passion and love for it, let it from your hobby, become your burden.
So ask yourself again: Can I bear the pain? Can you accept such a price?
。This is not alarmist, but true.
Take myself, for example. I’ve been writing for more than a decade, and writing has been my“Soul Mate” for my entire life. But until now, weekly updates have been, to be honest, a pretty painful experience. Every time I finish writing an article, I feel like I’m“Bleeding Myself Dry”.
Of course, it is actually“Pain and happiness”, after all, write the article, put their knowledge system combed out, put their own point of view to analyze and understand, get feedback from many readers… … these are powerful rewards that make the pain well worth it.
But I may have been lucky. If you were destined to face a period of lack of interest and feedback, would you be able to get through it?
If you want to try to monetize your hobby and commercialize it, think about these three questions.

Okay, so with all the obstacles, I’m trying to convince you to give up on cashing in your hobby and go back to work?
No. What I want to tell you is that this road is not easy, but we can take the“Curve” approach.
What do you mean? To put it simply: find a job that is relevant to your hobby and that brings out some of your strengths; then, develop your hobby as a hobby in your spare time, take the time to learn, improve, practice, and try to make it work.
Hobbies need to be developed continuously. Might as well take it as a seed, in the work of the gap, to take care of it, water it, nurture it, long-term cultivation, patience to wait for it to grow fruit.
If it does one day suddenly pay off, that’s great — it means you’ve probably reached a tipping point, and maybe it’s time to try to“Get in.”.
And if it doesn’t work out, don’t worry, because what does that tell you? That you may not be suitable for this field. So, either you keep plowing or you expand your possibilities. You’ll have more leeway to think about what to do next.
In fact, this is a way to have a higher success rate.
Why? It’s simple: if you’re in a hurry to commercialize it, you’re bound to give yourself a deadline. This could be a few months, it could be six months, it could be a year, and you would expect to be self-sufficient for a short period of time, recouping your costs and getting adequate returns.
But as you can see from the above three points, this is not a simple thing. So What’s the result? You could fall on your face — maybe in a few months you’ll see the light, but you can’t go on.
So, regret exit, leaving the opportunity to be wasted.
On the other hand, if you are only taking it as an amateur interest to cultivate and develop, then for you, what is your biggest rely on? You can afford to wait.
Six months, one year, two years… … As long as you don’t fail, you’ll always have time for luck.
In fact, many people who have achieved a certain amount of success rarely suddenly one day tell themselves, “I’m going to give up everything to do this,”“I’m going to be All in on this career,” and they succeed; conversely, they tend to do their own thing first, on the one hand constantly in a certain area“Thick accumulation”, waiting for one day it suddenly“Thin hair”, and then as a starting point to start their second life.
Success often comes naturally, not on purpose.

In addition to time, there is a very important factor: you can make this hobby more“Pure”.
What determines whether we can continue to improve in one area, one skill? To a large extent, it depends on whether your attitude and perspective are“Pure” enough. That is, whether you can keep your passion for it, driven by your passion and interest, and focus on doing it well.
Once you look at it through the lens of monetization, what does your perspective become? How are its figures, have they brought substantial returns, have they met my expectations.
The purest, simplest joy and joy it brings you may be gone.
You’ll probably never feel the joy, the Passion, the cold reality.
This can be an even scarier thing, and it can stop you from moving forward.
On this basis, we can actually get an inspiration:
What if I keep investing in it as a hobby, but it never produces enough results?
It doesn’t really matter, because you can still use it as a way to relax, as a“Garden of the mind,” as a place of your own, as a way of healing and restoring energy.
I’ve written a lot about this: what’s a great way to combat stress? It’s about finding an activity that brings you a constant stream of joy and happiness, and having fun with it, and using that positive energy to dilute negative stress.
No matter what setbacks and problems you face in your work and life, you will know that there is one small area of your life that is your own. You can always get feedback and strength from it, supporting yourself to face and overcome one difficulty after another.
It will be your“Firewall”, maintaining your sense of control and autonomy in life.
So rather than asking your hobby to be productive for you, keep it pure, as the light in your life, the anticipation you feel every night before you go to bed, the comfort you feel when you get home from work, the stuff that makes your life more fulfilling.
。What is a person’s happiest state? It is a time to be unrestrained, to immerse yourself in the things you love, without asking for results or asking for returns.
Use Your Mind and hands to invest in the things you like, be happy with your progress and small achievements, be glad that you have opened a“Fog”, be excited that you have improved a step…
This pure, clean joy is the truest sense of happiness in our lives.
Go get it, protect it, don’t let it go.

Finally, simply share a few useful tips to help you better practice this lifestyle.
1. Stick to your“Prime time”
One of the most critical requirements for developing your hobby is to be able to devote some time to it.
So, instead of working, set aside a“Prime time” in your life-whether it’s spread out over the day or focused on the weekend-during which time you can spend, cut Out Entertainment and pastimes, leave yourself undisturbed, and focus on your hobbies.
The extent to which you can protect your prime time from other people and things determines the extent to which you can develop your hobby and turn it into a career.
2. Cultivate industry and business thinking
All sideline, monetization, commercialization, the end result is to“Sell”. Well, you have to be exposed to business operations, including marketing, marketing, management, collaboration…
If you have the opportunity, tilt your job in that direction — , preferably to give you the opportunity, to get in touch with the industry that you want to grow, to understand how it works, to know the basics: What are the criteria, what is the industrial chain, market conditions, business model is what, how to balance costs and benefits, and so on.
。This is especially true if your skills and strengths are geared toward content creation and production. Try to contact as early as possible, to avoid their own closed door.
3. Focus on people and influence people
What is the final destination of all products? People. It’s your users who decide what you can do, and it’s your users who decide whether you can do it or not.
To make your product successful, you must find three types of people: users who are willing to support you, partners who can work with you, and audiences who can spread your voice.
So while you’re at it, set aside some time, to reach out to your potential target audience and users, to get to know them, to be friends with them, to try to help them, influence them, deliver your value, build your brand.
Including but not limited to:

Share your insights and thoughts;

Participate in online or offline activities;

Offer your help to others;

Try one-on-one coaching;

Try to prototype your product and offer it for free;

;Try to find people who can cooperate and communicate deeply

Try to find a place where you can magnify your value and let others know you;

……
KK said: 1,000 die-hard fans, can let you live a good life. Although this is only a rough rule of thumb, consider it a goal.

Finally, I’d like to share some of my thoughts and messages:
Long-term cultivation, such as night walk by Candlelight. You’ll be in the dark until dawn.
But as long as you keep doing it, every day you put in will increase your chances of success.
Plant a seed, take care of it, wait for it to grow.
With time to water it, with enthusiasm to cultivate it, with joy to look forward to it.
When the melon is ripe, when it breaks through the soil, it is also a natural time.
With you.

Four tips to increase life satisfaction

Today, I would like to share with you four rules of action that I have followed for many years.

They may be simple, but they are both effective ways to increase life satisfaction and make your life Fuller and richer.

Hope to give you a little inspiration and thinking.

1. Create a memorable impression for each day


Do You Keep a diary?
Don’t worry, I’m not here today to urge you to keep a diary-that’s already a bit of a cliché. What I want to say is: without the help of diary, can you recall last month’s today, last month’s today… ? … What Happened to you? What impressed you?
I think for many people, this is by no means an easy thing to do. After all, we live day to day, moving between home and work. Even if the occasional experience of some interesting waves, will soon be washed away by the inertia of life, submerged in the busy day-to-day inside.
How many times have you tried to remember your life, only to find it empty, with little to remember?
This is actually a bit of a pity. For each of us, all material wealth is an external thing, can not be accompanied by their own permanent. What can really accompany their own life? Our experiences, feelings, and memories. Unfortunately, many people tend to focus too much on the former and not enough on the latter.
We work hard to live better, not we live to work.
Consider this:
If you stretch it out to, like, a year, five years, ten years… … So, this day that you’ve just had, is there an event, an experience, or an idea, that could mark this day? Is there anything you can do to make this day different from the rest of it?
This is a habit I have practiced for many years: to mark each day with a“Mark.”.
What is this mark? It is, in short, the distinctive“Color” of our ordinary, routine day that sets it apart from the rest. It can be an experience, an adventure, an experiment, a meeting, an achievement…
A few simple examples:

Today, I have a problem that I can not understand. After some hard thinking and studying, I finally understand it. It could be a mark.

Today contacted a long time no contact with friends, to talk about each other’s current situation, each other to cheer up, this can be a mark.

Today delivered a small project, got the customer’s affirmation and boss’s appreciation, this can be a mark.

I had some time after work today, so I took a little detour to try a restaurant I’ve always wanted to try. It can also be a mark…

Put simply: If you were asked to keep a journal, how would you sum up your day in one sentence?
Do you think of one or two interesting things at once and write them down, lest you forget them, or do you search your mind and then say, “Nothing’s wrong today”?
If you’re in the latter category, I suggest you give it a try and consciously challenge yourself each day: Can I take the initiative to do something different today? Leave some more impressive marks on my life and memories?
Of course, you don’t have to keep a journal, you don’t have to write it down-you just have to try to create a“Mark” that you can tie to the day… Let this day have some meaning in your life, from the mundane to the glittering…
Over time, this can make your memories become Fuller and Fuller. Whether the encounter is lost, depressed, or boring, lazy… … you can dig them out and let yourself savor them. From this immersion comes rest and strength.
They are your best bet against an uncertain future.

2. Set a soft deadline for do or do not


How many of the“Don’ts” that you thought you were doing had been put off for so long that by the time you think about them again, they’re past their prime, meaningless?
If you have a lot, then it doesn’t matter, everyone is the same, me too.
Everyone always overestimates themselves when making plans, always thinking about“How much I want to do” instead of“How much I can do”. In the end, it will be found that either something is just a whim, then gradually lost interest; or value and necessity is not great, has not been able to make up their mind to act…
In my own experience, most of the time, I have at least 30 or 40 things on My To-do list that I want to do but don’t do. Some of these ideas were spur-of-the-moment ideas, some were project optimization ideas, some were trivial details, and some were directions to explore and try… … A lot of records go up and never get a chance to go down and have to be taken off the list.
This is actually a very sorry thing.
。Everything that we think of in the present moment must be of value, or it would not enter our consciousness. But as time goes on, our interest in them diminishes, and their value diminishes, and they are likely to become, in the end, as unpalatable as chicken.
If we can get rid of it, even if it can not play 100% of the value, but at least we can leave a little trace in our lives, to provide us with a little“Experience value” and a sense of achievement.
So, What’s an easy solution? When you list these do’s and don’ts, assign them a soft deadline.
“Soft” because it is not a mandatory limit, even if you really do not do nothing. However, if you have the spare time and the condition, might as well be approaching this deadline, as far as possible to do it, don’t let it in vain, abandoned by you.
:A simple example:
You had a frank and in-depth discussion with a friend today. You find it valuable and would like to jot down the main points of this discussion for future review and Reminder. But since it’s not that important, you may not have a strong motivation to act all the time, always telling yourself“Just wait” and“Tomorrow”… … and then, two months later, it just sort of faded away.
Is it serious? It’s not serious, it won’t affect your life; but is it a pity? For one thing, you miss an opportunity to improve yourself, enrich your memories, and strengthen your friendships.
So, the next time you have an issue like this, you can write it down and give it a soft deadline, telling yourself: I want it done by the end of the week. That way, by the end of the week, you can make this a higher priority, get other less important things out of the way, and get it done first.
On the one hand, it will help you accumulate a sense of accomplishment. You may think that these little things don’t matter, but it’s these small“Successes” that will keep your self-esteem and self-confidence up, it makes you more aware of“I am capable” and“I can do this”.
In this way, when you really face problems, they will become your“Implicit self” to help you better face the difficulties and solve the problems.
On the other hand, solving these little things can also help you learn more about your abilities, preferences, and habits. You can know more clearly how much spare power you have, what you can and can’t do… … It gives you a clearer idea of the principles and order in which you should act when you have a lot to work out.
This may be something you can’t learn from any other way or channel.

3. fine-tune and optimize the“Living system”


How do you prioritize when you have so many things to do? In other words, how do you think about what needs to be done first and what can be done later?
This is a very complex problem, it often needs to consider a number of factors, it is difficult to have a consistent approach. But I have a rule: make long-term gains a priority.
What is a long-term gain? It’s really quite simple. One thing you can do right now, right now, and it will work quickly, and every single day will make a difference, increasing your productivity and reducing your worries, and that’s a long-term benefit.
A few simple examples:
Adding a new feature to the public account to make it easier for users to search for content is a long-term benefit. It only takes a few hours of action, and it works immediately, and every day.
Optimizing your workflow steps to make it easier and faster to complete daily tasks and reduce the“Friction” of operations is also a long-term benefit.
It’s also a long-term benefit to change your environment, to let your Environment Be Your Enabler, to help you change your behavior and develop good habits.
For the third example, see: a way to do everything with half the effort
What’s the point? The vast majority of these long-term gains are characterized by low short-term gains. They often don’t matter much at the moment, don’t help you with immediate problems, and don’t provide you with strong positive feedback.
Sometimes the short-term payoff is negative: it takes effort and time, but it doesn’t work in the short term. It takes time to develop, to actually work-the classic example is to create a new habit.
Therefore, these things are often rejected by our brains. The reason is simple: the brain is always short-sighted. Without strong short-term feedback, the brain doesn’t like it.
There are many similar examples in life:
Clearly change the default settings and parameters of the good things, but every time to manually select and adjust;
Clearly learn how to use the software can solve the problem, but every time to manually complete a lot of operations;
Clearly tidies up the room, optimizes the moving line to be good, actually each time must tirelessly search inside from a pile of things;
……
Most of the time, are we lazy? Not really. It doesn’t really take us much time to deal with these problems. But the brain just keeps ignoring them and not putting them in the“Need to fix” category.
What we need to do is to consciously think about and focus on these things and artificially elevate their priorities to overcome the inertia of the brain.
In essence, this is a way of constantly optimizing and adjusting our“Living system”. Each time we adjust, we are making the system more in line with our habits, so that we use more smoothly.

4. Incorporate tasks into your daily life


When many people set goals, they set themselves a series of tasks, such as:

Set a quantitative goal, tell yourself, how many days, how much I must be done, in order to complete the task;

Break down the goal into each day, tracking punch card, required to complete a certain amount of things every day, if not, it is necessary to review, reflect, to see where the problem;

In order to better achieve the mission, let oneself into a“Combat readiness” state, the daily life of some non-essential things to be suspended, everything to make way for this mission…


That leaves two easy outcomes:
First, it’s hard to experience happiness and fulfillment in this sprint. Because it’s so easy to just focus on the end goal, and all you do every day is calculate, “Have I done today’s goal, “How far am I from the end goal,” all your happiness, only in the goal of the moment to enjoy. Other than that, most of what you feel is stress.
Second, under such long expectations and pressure, it’s easy for you to do what? Give up halfway. The most common scenario is that you overestimate your ability to“Persevere.”. After a few days of high spirits, when for one reason or another it’s not done, there’s a strong sense of frustration and saying to yourself:Anyway, there is no way to be perfect, progress can not catch up, forget it.
Over time, once this happens too many times, … It’s easy to label yourself as“I’m not cut out for this,”“I’m too impatient,”“I’m not disciplined,”“I’m a three-minute man”…
So What’s a better way?
We should not think of self-improvement as a task, separate it from daily life, but think of it as daily life itself.
To put it simply: a better way to actually get something done, learn something, and improve yourself is not to think of it as a non-routine, urgent task, instead, incorporate it into your daily life and make it a part of your daily life.
Why? Simple. Anything that you need to really produce results requires long-term practice. But when you think of it as a task, there is an implicit assumption:As soon as I finish this task, I’ll be done and I can master/learn/do it.
So, a lot of the time, when we make a plan, set a goal, and then go sprinting, punch in with gusto, it’s more like a game: we’re just moved by the experience of“Making the effort,”“Enduring the pain,” and“Experiencing the outcome.”.
A better approach is to design your“Daily life” lifestyle. Once you make something a daily habit and incorporate it into your daily routine, you won’t find it so difficult or complicated. Over time, you will be able to benefit from it without having to think about how to improve yourself.
Try this step:
1) keep a log of how much time you spend each day for a period of time, and then review it to see which time periods you can optimize.
2) think about what you want to do, what you want to learn, and then make a simple list of simple activities to do each day. At the beginning can be as simple as possible, the length of time can be less than half an hour, must be simple enough, you can act immediately, no psychological burden.
3) try it for a while. If you’re struggling, try adjusting other activities to match it; if you still can’t, shorten the time a bit. Find a rhythm that feels comfortable.
4) by the time you’re fully comfortable with the habit and feel comfortable doing nothing each day, you’re done, so you can move on to the next action and schedule it into your daily routine.
And so on and so on.
Self-improvement is not at any end, but always on the way.



Hopefully, today’s article will help you feel more fulfilled and more productive and organized.

Is there anything you can do to“Make a Mark” right away?Leave your thoughts behind.

A few habits of mind to get things done

This time, share a few habits I’ve been practicing for a long time.

I hope it will help you to get more done in the New Year.


1. Design the frame of the finished product first
After reading the first two articles, many friends may think: I have an idea, then I should act immediately, don’t think too much.
But it’s not. Before taking action, one step is essential. That is: imagine what the finished product will look like when it is finished.
From a product to a project to an article, I spend about 10% of my time thinking about it before I start:

What problem am I solving by making it?

What will the finished product consist of? What does each section contain in general?

What are the key nodes in the process of doing this?

Why? For two reasons:

design the finished frame to direct your actions and minimize the“Futility” of the process.

2) more importantly, this link will keep you motivated to take action and keep you motivated to get it done.
In 2018, psychologist Emmanuel Manalo conducted an experiment. He asked 131 participants to write a paper, and the experimental group to design the overall framework and structure of the paper before writing it; the control group started writing it. And stop them at different times.
It found that participants who designed the framework first were generally more motivated to finish the paper-even if they were behind the others.
Here’s why: When we imagine the finished product in advance, we go from“Building the whole” to“Filling in the frame.”. In the latter case, it is easier to observe how close we are to completion. This“Absence” keeps the project in our minds and drives us to finish it as soon as possible.
This is a positive application of the CICCONI effect: by keeping the finished product“Unfinished,” we increase our motivation to fill it.
Therefore, the“Image of the finished product” and the“Final reality” does not have to be the same. In the process of“Filling in the frame,” you discover that the frame has many flaws, and you can make adjustments that are so different from the original idea that it’s fine.The most important thing about it is that it provides a constant motivation for your actions and keeps you in a“Catch-up” state at all times.
In fact, that’s how I get a lot of my writing done: Before I write, I frame the whole thing with a few key words — I never outline, because most of the time, i wouldn’t have followed the outline at all — I’d have laid out a logical line:Why can I draw such a conclusion, what is the reason, what are the main influencing factors, what is the support. And so on.
Then, according to this logical line to consult information, add cases, fill the content, as it“Trunk”, so that the details of the article become more prosperous and full.
In the process, it is entirely possible to change the details, the priorities, and eventually even the theme, but that does not matter. As long as the core logic line does not deviate, the core of the article is tenable.
So one suggestion:

Set aside a period of time (I’m around 10% , for example) to think about what the finished product will look like before you start.

The time has come, whether or not it is perfect, to start with this framework as the basis for action.

In action, and then combined with actual feelings and feedback, to adjust the framework. While fine-tuning, while filling.

Another interesting technique is the “Hemingway effect,” which also works in common: if a task requires continuous action, so when the urge to act is at its most intense and you know exactly what to do next, stop, pause, and take a break.
Why? Because in this situation, when you go back to your previous work, you can minimize the time it takes to“Get into the zone” and take action in one go.


2. Creation and generation
My translation of Dirty beginning. Put simply: When you have a framework for the finished product, start filling it in, no matter how poorly or poorly you start.
A lot of people’s mindset is, “I’ll start when I’m ready. Make sure every step is perfect.”. The best way to counter this inertia is to“Scratch”: keep the first step as simple as possible, so that every step after that is an uphill climb.
When your mindset is“Make sure every step is perfect,” your expectations are very high. So, when you actually do something, what’s the easiest thing to focus on? The gap between reality and ideal. This gap will continue to create pressure on you, the formation of resistance.
But in turn, when you take a simple first step, it becomes a new reference point. Every step after you, just need to be better than the first step, can continue to improve, make up, it will be OK.
So, what is generation?
Build corresponds to build. Plan every step in advance, do not need to spend brain, step by step to do it out, this is the construction.
(generated)。In turn, we should first lay out the general trunk, direction and key nodes, and then, around this framework, we should conceive the fragments one by one, and let them collide, compare, compete, and eventually precipitate and combine spontaneously, the rudiments of the finished product are organized — this is generated.
For traditional projects (such as engineering construction) , must rely on the way the construction, planning every step, tight fit, can not have any mistakes.
But for projects that focus on innovation, generation is a better approach. It allows you to explore as many possibilities as you can, within the limits of the necessary conditions, and to put them together into an ordered whole.
Each of its components may not“Fit together” as tightly as they should, but it allows you to go beyond the conventional possibilities.
How do the two come together?The initial mindset reduces resistance for every step you take: any action that helps with the results and framework can be incorporated;

And the resulting thought patterns, can help you put these steps, actions together, let them compete with each other, and ultimately precipitate a more effective way to integrate into a whole.
Big to a business model, a product, a small article, a solution, can be combined with the way of drafting and generation, to achieve its“Cold start”, let it first land to practice, then slowly adjust in action, spiral up.


3. Face the unknown and fear
Why do we procrastinate, fail and give up when we have a plan and know what to do?
Many times, the problem is not the challenge itself, but the challenge of our unknown and fear.
When you face a new challenge, it activates our“Threat recognition” system in the amygdala. With this system, we will:

it’s easier to focus on the difficulty and newness of the situation (where experience is at odds)

magnify this difficulty and the new sex, and magnify the consequences of failure, resulting in a disastrous Lenovo.

3)3) tend to adopt avoidance behaviors to avoid facing the new opposite sex directly.
In a nutshell: we are more susceptible to fear, overestimating the difficulty and risk of a challenge, and thus more inclined to avoid it, delay it, and not face it.
Driven by this mindset, it’s easy to fall into the trap of the Parkinson effect, where we keep doing the easy things, the easy things, and saving the hardest challenges for last Until there is no time, then one breath to“Sprint”, leave it to fate, as short as possible“Face it” time.
This is inefficient. Because in the process of procrastination and avoidance, these thoughts are actually causing you constant stress and anxiety.
In short: fear of the Unknown is the biggest limiting factor in our effectiveness and ability to act.
So it’s a good idea to frame the finished product while also thinking about what parts of the process I’ve never been in contact with? What are some things that I might find difficult? What is my greatest fear?
Then, put them in the front row and give them priority.
In other words: not to“Shorten” the time to face it, but to“Advance” the time.
For example: When I first gave an online lecture a few years ago, what worried me the most? I’ve never been on the air before. Do I Stutter? Do I Stutter?
So what do I do? I immediately made a summary, typed a draft, a person at home to speak, practice up.
The first exercise didn’t work out so well, but it made it clear to me that the worst-case scenario was over and there was nothing to worry about. On this basis, I practice every time, is getting better.
On this basis, and then to slowly conceptualize the theme, polished content, step by step to adjust.
What is the most effective way to release fear? Not to avoid, but to face. Let Yourself Do the hardest thing, and you’ll find that it’s really just that.
It takes a little bit of gumption, but once you’ve taken the first step, there’s a path to follow.
Even if you don’t, you’ll have plenty of time and opportunity to think about alternatives and Plan B. It’s better than putting it off until the last minute.


4. Control 15% of your progress
This is an interesting approach.
In the third point I mentioned: When You Face A new challenge, you will be more likely to focus on its new and difficult, and magnify it. At this point, you will be blocked by it, and thus lose momentum.
An effective way to do this is to try to break it down first, then use a pattern that you’re familiar with to“Fit” as much as possible to the parts that are broken down.
For example: You Want to do a program, it is strange to you, then, might as well put it to decompose, into a number of small programs. For each small project, look for similar patterns in your experience, and try to migrate and apply the past to achieve the same or similar results.
But it’s not the most effective way to turn a problem into a familiar pattern — it eliminates the potential for feedback and improvement.
So, there’s a balance to be controlled here.
I have a “15% rule of thumb”: When I do something that goes beyond the bounds of experience, make sure that 85% of it is familiar and manageable, and the other 15% is Everything Changes and adaptive, in this premise, often can achieve both results and growth results.
For example: Improvisation is something I’m not good at. What Am I good at? Is the design and planning of content. So Can I first prepare the content, and then through repeated practice, so that they are very familiar with, and even become“Automated processing.”.On top of that, with about 15% improvisation, do some fine-tuning and tweaking to suit the occasion?
15% is an interesting number. A 2019 nature paper found that learning is best when you have an 85 percent accuracy rate (corresponding to a 15 percent error rate or uncertainty) .
Scale also mentions a“Law of scale”: when a system doubles in size, the base support required increases by 0.85 times, meaning that 15% of the space is saved, we can explore new possibilities.
So, when you’re faced with a new challenge, it’s very high, probably over 15% , up to 50% , 70% … Try This:1) decompose it into multiple nodes and steps.2) for each step, replace some of the content in a way that you are familiar with and in control of.3) the ultimate state is to make sure that every step you take is controlled by“85% old mode, 15% new mode”.
This is perhaps the most appropriate level of“Out of your comfort zone”.


5. Strengthen the implicit self
In the third point, I said: What is the greatest resistance to our actions? It is often the unknown and the fear that comes with“Threat identification”.
What, in turn, can overcome this uncertainty and fear? That means I’m not motivated. What do I do? The“Implicit self” mentioned in.
That is, when the threat recognition system is activated, you are focused on the new and difficult aspects of the task, and your attention and control points are external. Then all you have to do is try to pull it back inside:From“How hard it is,”“How worried I am,” to“What I’m good at,”“What I’ve done.”.
Once the implicit self is activated, it can bring about positive emotions, thus dispelling the negative emotions caused by challenges and lowering barriers and barriers.
Most introverts and highly sensitive people, however, tend to avoid mistakes more than they do successful experiences-but this avoidance can lead to increased threat recognition, which can hold you back.
So, what you should do is: in ordinary life, consciously to collect, build and improve their“Implicit self”, so that it contains and contain more positive experience, become your emergency toolbox.
Here’s how:
Collect other people’s affirmation, approval and praise to oneself at ordinary times, turn over to look at at leisure time, give oneself positive psychological hint;
At work, make a conscious effort to note: What are the things that most excite me and give me a sense of accomplishment? Other People’s affirmation of me, the most frequent is where to fall? Find your strengths and uniqueness.
When you’re done with something, write down: What Have I learned from it? Next time you have a similar problem, how do you think about it? Sum up their own process and methodology.
Set aside some uninterrupted time each day to reflect on what you’ve done, what you’ve accomplished, your accumulated knowledge, your tendencies, and your plans for the future. … practice the ability to focus on what’s inside you.
Through these methods, we can strengthen our“Implicit self”.
This allows you to:1) quickly divide the challenges into“What I’m good at” and“What I’m not good at”;2) for“What I’m not good at”, break it down further and find out“What can be replaced” and“What can’t be replaced”(see Point 3)3) for“Irreplaceable,” recall your experience with unfamiliar problems and tell yourself: I have the confidence to overcome it;4) plan, dissect, think, list, and prepare for action based on your own experience in solving unfamiliar problems.
This is a slow transition from state-oriented to action-oriented. When your mindset changes, there is no problem that can really trap you.


6. Exercise fluid intelligence
Finally, mention some small exercises you can do in your daily life.
All of the above methods are based on the premise that you need to think and analyze the problem“Appropriately” to help you take better action.
But this ability, if not exercised, will slowly degenerate.
There are two kinds of intelligence: fluid intelligence and crystalline intelligence. Crystalline intelligence is the accumulation of knowledge, while fluid intelligence is“The way of thinking about things”. Together they constitute a way for one person to understand and intervene in the world.
Fluid intelligence peaks within a few years of adulthood. Then, if you exercise regularly, it stays steady until old age, but if you exercise less, it stays steadily lower.
。What happens when fluid intelligence is reduced? In general, the brain“Ages,” that is, it tends to be closed, stubborn, rigid, and tends to“Oversimplify,” to see things in the most labor-saving way possible, ignore the core, differences, and focus of the problem.
Therefore, in daily life, you can try to exercise more fluid intelligence. For example:

As you read the article, think: What is the logic of the article? Does it make sense?

When you see a phenomenon, think: what might be the reason behind it? What factors might be involved?

When you see a theory or an effect, think about it: How Does It Work? What else could it be connected to?

When you see an action or an action, think about it: what is its starting point? What’s the problem you’re trying to solve?

When you see a concept or point of knowledge, think about it: what is it similar to? What’s the difference?

It doesn’t have to have results, but practicing this way of thinking regularly can keep our brains active and thus less likely to age.

How Do You Get Smarter?

This headline may look a bit cliche.

But I hope you will bear with me and you will be rewarded.

In your daily life, you must have someone like this:

When looking at a problem, always be able to point out the focus and nature of the problem;

The thought is particularly agile, meets the new difficulty and the challenge, always can propose the solution quickly;

Always be able to think of other people can not think of ideas, put forward new possibilities;

……

So what makes them smarter than the average person? Is it because they’re naturally intelligent?

Although intelligence does have a high genetic correlation (around 0.8)(T.J. Bouchard, 2013) , this does not mean that“Intelligence is innate”.

Many people confuse intelligence with cleverness. Actually, these are two different concepts. Higher intelligence simply means that you are faster at remembering, understanding and invoking information-it is not exactly the same as being“Smart”.

Just like being tall certainly gives you an advantage in basketball, but if your goal isn’t the NBA, you don’t have to be very tall to play basketball.

In fact, with the exception of some cutting-edge scientific work, most of the problems, challenges, and tasks of everyday life don’t require much intelligence. What they need more is a person’s ability to analyze, think, and solve problems in a comprehensive, systematic way-what we call“Smart”.

And this can be fully achieved through acquired methods and training. In other words, being“Smart” is actually a learned skill.

So, what can we do to make ourselves smarter?

Today, I’d like to share with you 5 common traits of smart people, hoping to give you some inspiration and direction.

1. Think in order

If there was only one word to sum up the traits of a“Smart person,” I would choose it: order.

Suppose we compare the brain to a warehouse. Here’s how it works:

The intelligent person’s“Brain Warehouse”, its capacity is not necessarily larger than the average person, storage and retrieval speed is not necessarily faster, it is the biggest feature? Is that it has a highly ordered, structured approach to warehousing that allows it to:

1) more information in the same space;

2) it is more efficient to find the corresponding content when calling the information.

That’s all.

Why? The reason is: the brain in dealing with the problem, will adopt a fundamental strategy is: first the whole, after the local.

What do you mean? To put it in perspective: when the brain is faced with a new scene, it takes from memory the most“Global” situation that is similar to the scene and focuses on the differences between the two, eventually, a set of responses is distilled.

This strategy is called pattern recognition. A classic example: the biggest difference between a chess expert and a novice is that the former has thousands of chess games stored in the brain, and every time a game is played, they are quick to figure out“What game is the current situation?” Novices lack this type of thinking, thinking and calculating the current situation in isolation.

Another example: why do some people solve problems faster? Not because their brains are faster, but because they store so many patterns, that they can quickly determine which type is closest to the problem, to quickly understand the nature of the problem.

So, for a smart person with a highly organized mind, when it comes to a new problem, the brain works like this: it finds the closest pattern, and then it tweaks that pattern to fit the current situation.

On the contrary, for an ordinary person, his mind is fragmentary and disordered, so the brain can only put many pieces together into a whole, fine-tune the temporary whole — which leads to two things:

1) it takes more time and energy to put the whole thing together;

2) the piecemeal process is often incomplete, incomplete, even conflicting and contradictory with each other.

For example, a 2018 study published in nature communications found that neurons in the brains of intelligent people are more succinct and organized than those in the general population, this leads to a more efficient use of the hypothesis-known as the neural efficiency hypothesis. (Gen çe et al. , 2018)

See below: above is the brain of a normal person, below is the brain of a smart person.

As you can see, there are actually fewer connections in the picture below than in the picture above. So why would it be more effective? The reason: its neurons are more tightly connected, more like a“Whole,” which allows it to extract“Patterns” quickly, without a lot of wasted energy and time.

We can roughly divide intelligence into fluid intelligence and crystalline intelligence. In everyday life, we generally refer to intelligence as the former, a person’s“Mental agility”, but in fact, for“Smart”, the latter may be more important.

Because fluid intelligence has an upper limit, peaking around the age of 20, then leveling off and declining into old age, crystalline intelligence can rise with age. Most of the time, the latter matters more to us.

How Do you take care of your brain?

In addition, a very simple and effective approach is to do more bottom-up information integration.

We receive a lot of information every day: may be reading to learn, may be practical feedback, may be inner thoughts… ? … what is the most common problem most people have. Is to“Collect”, but never to“Arrange”.

In this case, your information storage is highly fragmented. Information from all sources, all times, all areas, all priorities is stored in a jumble that is naturally unsustainable and difficult to use.

Therefore, I have a practice of more than 10 years of habits, is constantly combing and integration of knowledge, to comb the pieces of information into a whole, such as:

What do I know about a subject? What do I Know About It?

About a certain knowledge, how can I put other knowledge points with it to establish links, create connections?

What kind of experience and practice have I had with certain types of situations? What methodologies are summarized?

This is the easiest and most effective way to make the brain more efficient, organized, and“Whole.”.

2. Developed prefrontal lobes

Order your thinking to ensure that when you encounter problems, you will be able to analyze and think more effectively. But most of the time, there is another very important factor that can seriously affect and interfere with our ability to think.

That’s emotion.

A friend who is familiar with investing will surely know: what is the Special Point in investing? It’s not so much the ability to think, but the ability to overcome your emotions — whether it’s greed for winning or fear of losing. In this way we can make more rational and longer-term judgments.

It’s not just investing, but every aspect of life is the same: Why Is it that you know what you’re doing, but you can’t always make the best decision when it matters? A lot of the time it’s because you’re letting your emotions take over your brain.

I’ve written about two areas of the brain that are constantly vying for control: the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala.

The prefrontal cortex is our center of control and attention. What it does is: it shifts your attention to a goal and allows you to think in detail and rationally.

The amygdala is the center of our survival and emotions. It is very sensitive and very active. When you encounter danger, failure, and loss, these situations are faithfully recorded by the amygdala. When you’re faced with a similar new situation, it lights up and pulls out the corresponding memory — which, in turn, makes you feel fearful, angry, and anxious.

Its mission is to keep you as far away from danger as possible.

Thus, if you are held hostage to it, it is easy to make all sorts of short-term good but long-term bad decisions, favouring conservatism, safety and“Inaction”.

This strategy was fine in ancient times, after all, when danger would have cost you your life. But in modern times, stopping because of fear can often lead to missed opportunities and stagnation.

So why do so many people have the bad habit of“Knowing what to do, but not doing it”? A lot of the time it’s because the amygdala is telling us that when we do something, it can have bad consequences.

What kind of bad outcome. For example, injuries, cost of resources, encounter uncertainty, short-term performance and output reduction. … and so on.

This leaves room for our“Rational thinking”.

Therefore, a smart person must have the necessary quality, must be strong and developed enough prefrontal cortex. It is only when you are able to activate the prefrontal cortex in the first place to suppress and calm your emotional responses that you will be able to make truly rational and effective decisions.

So how do we exercise our prefrontal cortex?

The brain has a property called Neuroplasticity. Put simply: the more you use it, the more developed it becomes; the less you use it, the weaker it becomes.

So, if you want to have a developed prefrontal cortex, you need to exercise it in life, use it, make it more powerful.

For example:

Socialize more face-to-face. One interesting phenomenon is that there is a part of the prefrontal cortex devoted to social interaction. In other words: social needs rely on the prefrontal cortex, which in turn strengthens it.

Read systematic, complex articles and books. This can effectively exercise the brain’s ability to concentrate and strengthen the function of the prefrontal cortex.

When you have an emotion, don’t act on it immediately, but accept it first, think first, then act.

Every action we take on the brain is training it. If you often let your emotions dictate your actions, you are constantly telling your amygdala that you are right

Thinking before acting, in turn, is reinforcing the prefrontal cortex’s control and making it more experienced.

Only by combining control with orderly thinking can we make truly rational thinking and judgments.

3. Higher cognitive space

What is cognitive space? Put simply, it is our brain’s“Workbench.”. Higher cognitive space means that more“Thinking material” can be contained at the same time.

Pay attention to the distinction between cognitive space and working memory. Although the capacity of working memory is a constant of four units (Cowan, 2001) , higher cognitive space means that you can“Cram” more information into these four units, allow the brain to process more material at the same time.

Specifically, what does cognitive space mean?

1) the ability to compress and encode information, that is, to have a higher amount of information per unit of information;

2) the ability to store information in working memory, which makes it harder for the brain to process it.

As an example, if there are 10 factors to consider in facing a problem, then a person with high cognitive space can think and deal with these 10 factors simultaneously, to notice, discover, and consider the connections between them, so that it is easier to start from the whole, to find a better answer.

And the person in the low cognitive space, he can’t deal with all 10 factors at the same time, he can only deal with 1-5, then 6-10, then 1-5 and 6-10…

In the process, then, the latter is easy to lose, some details, key points, and cost more time and energy.

You may also find that this is, in fact, an important factor affecting memory and order of thought.

Higher cognitive space means you can“Compress” more information into a whole. So that means:

1) more connections between information, which makes it easier for you to remember more information.

2) the information has been“Pre-processed” by you, making it easier to put it all together.

So, is there any way to exercise our cognitive space?

Share a few of my most effective tips:

1) recall exercise: what did I just read?

What are the advantages of doing so? There are two points. One is to improve your ability to“Pack and compress” so that your short-term memory can hold more and more complex information, and the other is to remind yourself if something is missing? Can I get them back?

Try This: When you read this, think back to the full text of the article and Ask Yourself: What does the article say? May I repeat the main idea of the preceding paragraph?

2) comprehension exercise: what is its internal logic?

What is internal logic? For example: if a point can be divided into three dots, I don’t just remember the three dots, but think: what is the basis and criteria for this division? What are the principles and supports for each point? Does it have any logical connection to what we’ve been talking about?

This will help you“Force” the limits of your cognitive space, allowing you to see a more comprehensive, complex perspective, so that the brain gets used to this perspective.

3) Lenovo Exercise: What Can I get to Lenovo?

The purpose of this exercise is to help you open your mind and your vision, to exercise your ability to switch your attention back and forth between the inside and outside, and to store that switching in cognitive space.

These three exercises, not so easy, at first you may not be able to adapt, but slowly, after establishing this habit, you will definitely feel the“Light” pleasure.

4. Flexible empathy

The first three points are personal. And this is for groups and social interactions.

Many people refer to“Emotional intelligence” in their lives. What is emotional intelligence? From a psychological point of view, is to understand other people’s emotions, feelings and state, and know how to deal with the ability.

In general, it’s close to empathy.

But why“Flexible empathy”?

Because, in general, we can divide empathy into two types (Simone G, 2009) : cognitive empathy and emotional empathy. The state we want to cultivate is actually high cognitive empathy, not emotional empathy.

What is the difference between the two? The empathic system, located primarily in the anterior insula and the mid-cingulate cortex, evokes similar feelings in us, causing you to feel the same emotional response

Cognitive empathy, on the other hand, largely coincides with the DMN network, which allows you to quickly understand the other person’s thoughts and situations and know“What to do at this time.”. (Walter, 2012)

If you use emotional empathy too much, it can easily lead to a problem: emotional overload.

You will often feel emotional intrusion, constantly produce emotional and psychological fluctuations-this is actually a very tired thing, it will cause psychological overload.

On the other hand, empathic empathy can easily trigger a variety of emotions that take over the brain and lead to irrational judgments.

In turn, cognitive empathy allows you to better understand and understand each other’s thoughts without endangering yourself, thus achieving a win-win situation. Show up in life, is that you can calm, appropriate judgment of the situation, and effective to placate others, persuade others, influence others.

In this case, your communication may be effective.

So, a smart person, is not only able to deal with their own problems, but also need to be able to deal with other people, so that they can better achieve a win-win situation — not just benefit themselves, also let the side more people benefit from this kind of intelligence.

That’s what we’re after.

So how do you improve cognitive empathy? Since cognitive empathy and the DMN overlap almost completely, one approach is to exercise cognitive empathy by practicing the DMN network.

What is DMN:

It’s easy to overthink things. What should we do?

Here are a few tips:

Set aside 10-15 minutes a day to talk to people around you. Try to listen to them and understand them without rushing to a solution;

Set aside half an hour each day to think about and summarize what I did today. Write Down and talk to yourself about the things that are worth writing down.

Set aside a period of time alone, temporarily refuse to external information intake, let yourself quietly for a while, let the mind to sort out.

Be present. Ask Yourself: What Am I hearing, seeing, and touching right now? What do I think? Let the mind focus on the perception of the present moment to sort out our brain.

You’ll find that these exercises require you to“Slow down.”.

Because slowing down gives us more time to listen to each other.

5. Keep an open mind

The final point is to keep an open mind: Don’t limit yourself to the world you already live in, but to“Accept” more ideas, information, possibilities, make yourself a growing system.

These include:

1) be critical and critical: Is it possible for me to be wrong? Is it always good to have the same opinion as me? Is it always bad to have the same opinion as me?

2) Growth mindset: mistakes and failures are not scary. I am constantly growing and everything I experience will be new to me.

3) be humble and learn: the more you know, the more you understand your ignorance, the more you will respect and respect knowledge. Learning is a life-long thing, constantly to explore their ability boundaries, and then back to force themselves to input, learning, so that their mental world become more perfect and rich.

“Smart” is never a state, but a process of continuous growth.

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5 minutes effective solution to procrastination

Whether it’s hitting the snooze button and waiting for it to go off again, putting off going to the dentist, or putting off doing an unpleasant task, it’s a sign of procrastination.

But more often than not-the report I had to finish before the deadline was delivered in the last few hours, crying and complaining about how busy I was and how tired I was before I started working on it-i had several times started uploading documents five minutes before the deadline, or press the send button. There are the majority of no danger, there are a lot of danger, completely lost the opportunity has had remorse.

When I wanted to write an article about procrastination, I used a bunch of excuses to avoid IT-I didn’t have the time, I was too lazy, or I was procrastinating, so I put it off. In the end, I had to bite the bullet to write this article. However, in the process of writing, I found that procrastination is also a very interesting thing, people procrastinate behavior is due to some psychological factors.

Although there are many reasons why people put things off, there are only five psychological reasons why people put things off:

1.Fear

2.Perfectionism

3.It’s hard to start

4.Lack of motivation

5.Distraction

Maybe we can take a closer look at the following psychological factors and see if we can find some solutions to procrastination.

Fear

Fear is a very broad concept, it can be divided into many branches: fear of failure; fear of success; fear of competition, fear of results.

Fear of failure is the most common fear. We’ve all probably encountered things that are out of our league, like writing an academic paper or taking an exam. If these things are out of our reach too much, their weight in our hearts will inevitably increase early, uh, so much so that we begin to doubt ourselves: “I don’t know enough!”“Why did I agree to do this?” or“I’m going to screw it up!”“What if it doesn’t work out?”

Naturally, we wonder what would happen if we didn’t do it right-lose our jobs, drop out of school, Lose Face? There are those who fear fear, and there are those who fear success. If we do a good job, people’s expectations of us rise, and sometimes, they may be so high that they exceed our abilities, this will inspire our fear of success. I’m sure we all know what it’s like to feel inferior to others.

Personally, before I took part in a speech, even though I was fully prepared before the competition and anticipated all the possibilities that would appear in a few minutes on stage, during the competition, i still feel uneasy when I decide whether I should continue or give up. Luckily, I won in the end. But that didn’t offset my uneasiness, because I had been worried that I might not be as good as the others.

The last fear is the fear of consequences. We often worry that the final result will not meet our expectations. Do We worry that our analysis is wrong? Would it be better if I didn’t remove this mole? Is it really worth all that money to go to the gym?

While some of these concerns may seem unnecessary, they are hard to ignore. The only way is to face them and internalize them. You can talk to your colleagues, friends and loved ones and get their opinions. Or we can write them down and see if our worries are meaningless in the eyes of others. Perhaps the result of consulting others is not satisfactory, but it is better to ask than not to ask.

The most important thing to remember is that if someone assigns a task to you, don’t doubt yourself because you have been identified as the most qualified person to do it.

If It’s a self-imposed goal, like losing weight, learning a new skill, or moving to a new city, you don’t have to rush. Change is natural. You just get better.

Perfectionism

Before anyone does anything, whether it’s making a bookshelf or baking an apple pie, they have a blueprint in mind. The blueprint may be similar to the end result, it may not be as good as the end result, it may be much better than the end result, but our expectations can not be exactly the same.

This ideal and the reality of the gap will often hinder our progress. We may worry that no matter how hard we try, we won’t get the results we want in the end. We may also worry that we lack the willpower to work hard to get it done. As a result, we may never get started at the planning and research level.

Procrastination is comfortable — the ideal of perfection stays in the mind, with no room for reproach. Of course everyone wants to make a difference and doesn’t want others to see the bad side of themselves. So perfectionists think that if they don’t do it, no one will blame them.

In this case, we should probably admit that we might not be doing so well, but we shouldn’t give up the chance to try. How many times have we rushed through something to make an excuse for not putting in the effort? Why don’t we spend a little more time making output better than expected?

Therefore, perfectionists need to realize that we can only do our best. Nothing in the world is perfect, not even the Eiffel Tower, the Mona Lisa, or the Taj Mahal. We need to give ourselves some leeway to see the good in our imperfections.

It’s hard to start

How Easy is it to make an excuse? “I didn’t do enough research earlier,”“I just need to do one more thing before I get started,” or“Take your time” are all common excuses.

These excuses, especially the last one, are deadly. We often use many external factors as an excuse to avoid something, but the essence is self-justifying. You’re just making excuses to deceive yourself. No matter how much you push away, it’s hard to change the looming deadline.

Even if you can’t control the progress of some projects, do you really not have anything to start with? Is there anything I can write about first? Is there any independent research? Or is there something you can do first, other than an urgent task?

Lack of motivation

Lack of motivation is often caused by a combination of factors. Unless you’re particularly interested in an idea or project, you’ll generally go through a period of fatigue before you get it done.

Whether your exhaustion is caused by fear or simply a lack of interest, you need to overcome it.

A survey by American Carnegie Mellon University found that students lack motivation because they do not understand their connection to the classroom. Therefore, to find motivation, you first need to understand what you are doing for yourself and your life.

Paying off your credit card or bill may sound boring and tedious, but when you think about the myriad of follow-ups that will follow if you don’t do it, motivation miraculously kicks in.

In your daily life, writing a report that no one else wants to do will make you a more valuable employee; cleaning your apartment will make your living environment better; Signing up for classes at the weekend will help you learn new things.

The trick is to find your own motivation. If you gather information in order to let others know something, the information itself carries your label. If you are dealing with personal matters, you need to think about how you can improve your life. If you can’t think of any motivation, don’t hesitate, just do it, and do it all at once. The act of doing it is itself a meaning.

Distraction

Distraction is the most common form of procrastination and is a common symptom of procrastination.

It is also very difficult to concentrate. When you’re reading or writing, it’s normal to be surrounded by a television, a ringing phone, and other people’s loud voices.

We also look at other interesting things when we are doing something that is not very important, which is not good for your work. For example, distractions in your writing may lead to spelling mistakes, logic flaws, etc. . Physical tasks like fixing cars and painting walls can also miss important steps when distracted. Despite the best efforts to try, research has shown that human multitasking is unrealistic.

The best way is to just focus on one thing. Turn off your cell phone, find a quiet place, and do what you need to do. That may seem like a lot of money, but it turned out to be absolutely worth it.

After reading the above, I hope it will help you to procrastinate.