Sensitive You, I want to say to You

Do you ever feel like:

To a question, will always subconsciously think over and over again, that is often said“Think too much”;

It’s easy to get burned out, especially if you’re going through a hectic activity, such as partying with lots of new friends;

Emotional ups and downs are very big, a lot of other people in the eyes of the little things, will cause a huge fluctuation in your mood;

The fear of getting out of control of your daily life, such as meeting new people or trying something you haven’t done before, can make you feel stressed

The extreme need for quiet environment, very resistant to the need to respond quickly to the outside world;

Empathy is so strong and empathetic that it is often the object of conversation…


If you read the above and your inner monologue is“This is who I am,” then we are probably the same kind of people.

Because I’ve had a lot of these problems myself.

I am not used to face-to-face conversation with people, do not like the phone, and even one-on-one wechat chat will feel very tired. So I usually communicate with partners are: Please leave me a message, do not call, I will give you a reply message.

As a result, I often get called“No one”

I’m not used to meeting strange friends either. In the past few years, every invitation to meet her had been pushed as often as she could. Sometimes, when she was forced to meet some business partners, she had to mentally prepare herself in advance to relieve the pressure.

Every time I go to a party or dinner, I’m always the quietest one around. It’s not that I don’t want to fit in, it’s just that I’m really tired and I don’t want to talk and I just want to be quiet.

If you have had this experience, I think you will understand me very much.

Many people may find these performances“Pretentious”, even“Arrogant”, “Selfish” and“Impersonal”-but in reality, only those who have actually experienced such feelings, to feel the burden and the struggle behind it:

It’s not that we don’t want to be“Like everyone else,” but it’s really hard.

That’s no excuse.

In 1997, psychologist Elaine N. Aron and Arthur Aron argue that there is indeed a group of people who are more subtle, sensitive and vulnerable than others. They call this group the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) .

A series of studies suggest that about 20 percent of the population is“Highly sensitive.”. In order to integrate themselves well into the social environment, they usually need to bear a greater psychological burden and efforts than others.

So what exactly is“Highly sensitive”?

In their original definition, the arons proposed that“Highly sensitive” refers to a group of people who are highly sensitive to both internal and external stimuli and are particularly susceptible to being overwhelmed by emotions.

For example, small things (like making a phone call, talking to a stranger, etc.) may not cause any emotional disturbance for the average person, but for highly sensitive people, they can upset their expectations, it causes huge mood swings and makes them feel extremely tired.

Later, in a study published in 2010, the Arons proposed a new standard, called the“DOES” standard, which includes deep rumination, stimulus overload, emotional response, and detailed perception.

Put simply:

Highly sensitive people are able to perceive very subtle stimuli, and at the same time, they tend to go deep into Lenovo and process any stimulus, which leads to an emotional response, no matter how small, the resulting“Stimulus overload”.

For example: in the Department of wechat Group Chat, someone inadvertently said you a sentence: “So-and-so, why are you always so tardy.”.

The average person might read it, not take it to heart, or even notice it-but for highly sensitive people, it’s easy to react like this:

Detail Awareness: Hey, what does this guy mean when he says I’m procrastinating?

Deep rumination: What does she mean? Did Something Happen to me that upset her?

Emotional Response: Alas, are in a department, not to see the head, after a lot of cooperation also how to Do?

Stimulus overload: So Annoying, life is so dark…

So, why do highly sensitive people need to bear a greater psychological burden? This is because: many things that are trivial to the average person, to the highly sensitive person, have to work hard to adjust themselves, adapt to their own, in order to appear on the surface to be“Calm.”.

In layman’s terms, this might be called“Inner drama.”.

That’s why so many highly sensitive people have“Social phobia”-who can socialize happily under such pressure and psychological burden?

But don’t be too hard on them. They don’t want to be.

Why do you say that? Because, highly sensitive this characteristic, does have its physiological factor.

There are many studies that show that the brains of highly sensitive people do differ from those of the average person.

For example: neuroscientist Bianca P. Acevedo’s findings (Acevedo et al. , 2014,2018) : in highly sensitive people, brain regions involved in consciousness, sensory information integration, empathy, and social relationships are more active.

A 2011 study (Chen Chunhui e t al. , 2011) found that the dopamine modulation and receptor systems of highly sensitive individuals are significantly different from those of the general population.

A 2019 study (Assary et al. , 2019) found that high sensitivity is a heritable trait with a degree of heritability.


And so on.

Overall, there are four broad categories of brain differences in highly sensitive people:

1) the exogenous dopamine reward system is weaker.

When we interact positively with the outside world, dopamine levels rise, which pushes us to integrate more actively into society. But for highly sensitive people, this dopamine reward from the outside world is weaker, making them less likely to get social feedback.

On the other hand, this also makes most highly sensitive people, when receiving a lot of fresh stimulation, often can not be attracted and interference, but remain deliberate.

2) more active Mirror neuron.

What’s a Mirror neuron? In simple terms, it refers to a type of neuron in the brain: When you see someone else’s state, they activate synchronously, giving you similar feelings.

For example, when you see someone cut or bleeding from a knife, you feel as if you are bleeding. There is a mental pain — that’s what Mirror neuron does.

Highly sensitive people tend to be more Mirror neuron, which makes them more likely to “Empathize” with others.

3) vmPFC was more active.

The vmPFC, also known as the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, is closely linked to the area of the brain involved in the integration of emotional and sensory information, affecting your“Emotional response” to external events.

Simply put, when highly sensitive people are exposed to information from the outside world, they are more likely to relate it to their own past experiences and thus experience a stronger“Inner feeling.”.

For example, this is the reason why people who are highly sensitive to the same statements may experience huge psychological swings from Lenovo to their own past experiences of embarrassment and failure.

4) a more active social system.

Bianca P. Many of Acevedo’s studies have found that the brains of highly sensitive people are more active in areas involved in self-awareness and social relationships.

(so, what is it about extroverts who are highly sensitive?) It’s that they get less feedback from social interactions, have more mood swings, and are more bored when they’re alone.

How powerful is that…)

In turn, there is another personality trait that must be distinguished from high sensitivity: implicit narcissism.

What is recessive narcissism? It is a heterogeneous self-esteem. The recessive narcissist, often thinks highly of oneself, but at the same time the heart is also very fragile.

They crave the approval and affirmation of others, and when questioned and denied, they can be aggressive.

Put simply, highly sensitive people tend to attribute negative information to introversion, which often leads to self-denial, self-doubt, and, most commonly, impersonation syndrome.

For example: When people say bad things about themselves, highly sensitive people tend to“Look inside” and question themselves, “Am I really not doing a good job? “

In the long run, even if they have achieved a certain degree of success, there will be a vague feeling in my heart:

That I don’t seem to deserve… ? … Do I really deserve it? Will I be exposed?

1. Flexible mindset

This is a model that I admire very much, and it really helps me a lot.

What’s a flexible mind-set? In a nutshell: As we grow up, we are instilled and shaped by many beliefs that shape a set of rules about how the world works.

For example:

To leave a good impression on others, so as to gain the goodwill and trust of others;

To maintain their own image, try not to make a fool of yourself or do something wrong, otherwise it will be ridiculed;

I can not“Lose” to others, can not let oneself lose face, otherwise will be despised;

You Can’t say no to someone, or you risk being disliked…

And so on. Under the restrictions and restraints imposed on us by these rules, we will have a hard time living. I can’t help but compare my performance and results to these rules: am I doing well, am I doing well? Did I break that rule? And the other one?

This is one of the reasons why many people live in fear and stress every day.

The“Flexible mindset” is a mindset where we throw away these so-called“Rules” and see life as a game of getting to the next level. We only focus on two things:

1) have I grown, have I made myself better, even a little?

2) have I acted against my conscience, boundaries and principles?

Beyond that, all can be temporarily ignored, are not“Insurmountable.”.

For example:

Why does it have to be“Perfect”? Can I have my own unique style, quirks, habits?

Why do I have to live up to other people’s expectations and assumptions? Can I have my own direction and lifestyle?

Why do I have to“Make a good impression”? This is me, you may not like, not adapt, but you can accept it?


Here’s an example: you may have social anxiety, because you’re clumsy in front of others — you’re afraid of making a bad impression, and you’re afraid to interact with strangers.

But: who says one has to be“Not clumsy”? Does it matter? Does it lead to serious misunderstandings about you? If not, why not accept that“This is who I am” and let others accept it?

If you can apply this mindset well, you will find that a lot of stress and trouble, in fact, are self-trouble.

Its essence is to help you raise your own threshold, reduce the impact of all internal and external stimuli on you, so that you can stay in a better state, to truly“Be yourself.”.

2. Store your energy reserves

Highly sensitive people, who often suffer from mood swings, are prone to emotional overload and fatigue, feeling like they don’t want to do anything and aren’t motivated to do anything.

At this point, you need some positive motivation and feedback to help you regain momentum and status.

As it happens, highly sensitive people also have a trait: because their inferior frontal gyrus is more active, they have a greater response to information related to positive emotions.

In short, for highly sensitive people, it’s easy to get upset, frustrated, and frustrated by a little thing, but at the same time, a little happiness is enough to get them excited, feel Life suddenly shot into a ray of sunshine.

Therefore, from the storage of some more happiness in life, that is, their energy storehouse, it is very necessary.

What is an energy chamber? I would divide a person’s sources of energy into three categories:

1) skill and achievement play and feedback.

For example, at work, completed a difficult task, the boss, the recognition of customers; to help a colleague a favor, get colleagues praise and gratitude. And so on.

2) effective and close social interaction

For example: two or three friends who can talk about their troubles; a circle of friends who can make new friends who are like-minded. And so on.

3) mental activity that produces a sense of pleasure

For example: reading novels, watching movies, playing games, shopping, visiting stores, outdoor sports… … and so on.

Usually can pay more attention, from these channels to store some more happiness, a continuous source for their own sense of identity, sense of value and freshness.

How to get rid of internal friction

I’ve written before about what is the best state in life? It means being completely focused on what you are doing right now, whether it’s studying, working, thinking, or having fun.

But for some, it can be a luxury.

No matter what time it is, their brain is always working, processing a lot of information, there is no way to empty out. As a result, they are particularly prone to the phenomenon of“Thinking too much.”.

For example:

Want to concentrate on work, the mind is always involuntarily surging all kinds of thoughts, worries and worries, to distract themselves;

Encounter a little small things will think a lot, often over and over to think, and even affect sleep when serious;

Often there is“Choice difficulties”, especially do not like to make a choice, because they always reversed the choice of thinking, weighing, consuming a lot of energy;

And, life is always subconsciously on a lot of things to remain vigilant, encounter a matter, the first reaction is always“Will there be a problem”…

In the eyes of outsiders, their minds turn quickly, thinking problems are also very comprehensive, appear very“Smart.”.

But only they know, this feeling, in fact, very very painful.

Because they have to put a lot of mental energy and energy into dealing with these thoughts that come into their head, and so, in everyday life, almost all are in a state of“Full operation”. As a result, it’s especially easy to feel exhausted even if you don’t do much each day.

This is especially true when they need to make decisions and take action.

For example, a normal person may have 80% of their energy available for action, but they only have 30,40% of their energy available, and this part of their energy, you also have to fight the Random Thoughts that takes up 50% , 60% of your brain power.

So, one of the characteristics of these people is: always think a lot, but often trapped in their own thoughts, really put into action, very few.

In psychology, this phenomenon is called“Overthinking”, it has a more common name, called“Spiritual internal friction”.

Obviously, this phenomenon in an introverted, sensitive people, will be more likely to produce. They are indeed the main victims of internal strife.

If you have experienced a similar problem, then today, I would like to talk to you about my experience and experience.

First of all, or talk about, why there is the phenomenon of internal friction in the spirit of it?

The first factor is overactive DMN.

As I’ve said in previous articles, our brains are actually working when we’re doing nothing. This is called the Default Mode Network (DMN) .

What does the DMN do? It’s combing through bits and pieces of information in the back of the brain, reactivating information that may have been forgotten. In computer terms, it is“Indexing” the brain.

So, even if we don’t do anything, the brain is actually continuing to use about 20 percent of our daily energy. Because of this principle.

Similarly, people with more active DMN tend to have better long-term memory, imagination, creativity, and so on. That’s why-because their DMN is more active, therefore collates the information the efficiency to be higher, the effect is also better.

But the problem is that the brain regions involved in the DMN are highly overlapping with those involved in the network of self and others and emotional judgment.

In other words: people with more active DMN’s are also more likely to think about“Other people’s feelings” and notice“Bad things”. This gives them a big advantage: greater empathy.

But this, in turn, creates a huge problem: internal friction.

On the one hand, the DMN is overactive, making it difficult for them to concentrate on their work. Because the DMN constantly competes with the Task Positive Network (TPN) for attention.

On the other hand, when the DMN is not clamped down by the TPN, it is more“Free”. It will constantly send all kinds of negative thoughts from the memory to the consciousness, constantly reminding itself of their existence, … Whether they are big, small, past, future, long-term, short-term, serious, slight…

To some extent, this does help to solve the problem, but also help us prepare for the future. As a result, these people are rarely“Inconsiderate” and tend to think holistically.

But it is precisely because of this, leading them to“Think more, do less.”.

Why? Because our brains are loss averse. Faced with the same gains and losses, we dislike the latter about twice as much as the former. Put crudely, we may be inclined to act when a choice is 67% good for US and 33% bad for us. That’s a crude way of putting it

(for risk-averse people, the ratio may be even higher to impress them.)

Similarly, our brain has a function in processing all kinds of information out of loss aversion, called threat recognition. It acts like a radar, constantly scanning everything around for possible threats to keep itself safe.

And what is the signature of threat recognition? It tends to exaggerate and highlight the potentially threatening details of a thing, ignoring the safe, normal details that keep us from seeing the whole picture.

For example. Suppose a choice has 10 factors, 5 of which are favorable and 5 of which are unfavorable. At this point, if you see the whole picture, then it is 50-50, you choose to act or not, are reasonable.

But because of loss aversion, we might wait until it’s 70-30, when it’s 70% in our favor.

At this point, we add threat identification. Because of threat recognition, it may be easier to focus on the three downsides and miss the seven upsides-for example, we may focus on only five, three of which are downsides, two is advantageous.

So, for us, it becomes 40-60.

(disadvantage: 3/5 = 60% ; advantage: 2/5 = 40%)

That is, the presence of loss aversion and threat recognition blinds us to the full picture, and on that basis, retains the bad and leaves out the good.

Is there any way we can still do this? Apparently not. We’ve been“Intimidated” by it.

This is the second factor: the fear generated by threat recognition.

As I said before, most of the time, it’s not the problem that gets in the way, it’s our fear of the problem.

But is this fear real? Not really. As can be seen from the previous analysis, the existence of this fear, from our vision of one-sided, from our hearts to the loss and threat of rejection. It is false and untrue. We are scaring ourselves.

In fact, the brain actually provides another tool for making up, which is our“Extended memory,” our past experiences of action, success, and experience.

In your past life, every time you succeeded in“Doing” something-maybe it was making a decision, maybe it was taking a brave step, maybe it was trying something new… … The Brain writes it down, stores it in“Extended memory,” and adds a point.

When the brain detects a threat, it invokes information from an extended memory to counter and neutralize the threat.

But for the mentally challenged, because they think too much and do too little, “Extended memory” is inherently weaker, making it harder to fight fear.

Therefore, a person who is suffering from severe mental infighting is actually trapped in such a negative cycle:

You have a problem and decide to look it over first

This“Review” leads you to over-exaggerate the threat and develop fear;

This fear further weakens your intention to act, and you need more energy to fight it before you can take action, thus causing procrastination;

Most problems get worse by procrastination, and eventually force you to take action, so you feel“I made a bad decision.”

Over time, this feeling will increase your self-doubt, weaken your confidence, and thus weaken your“Extended memory,” making you less able to fight the fear…

What is the result of this negative cycle? Is a decline in happiness.

On the one hand, this tendency toward inactivity and self-doubt threatens a person’s sense of worth and meaning, making him feel“Powerless,” and thereby reducing life satisfaction.

On the other hand, a classic 2010 paper found that when people fall into the DMN, they are almost 100% less happy (Killingsworth and Gilbert, 2010) .

This means that the longer a person spends in life with DMN, the lower their overall level of happiness.

The reason for this is simple: When we focus, we experience the feeling of having“Racked our brains to get over the hump.” It’s a positive cycle that stimulates our reward circuits and makes us feel good.

On the other hand, when we are dominated by the DMN, not only do we get distracted and fail to“Rack our brains” as much as possible, but we also experience a series of negative, unpleasant thoughts, make us feel powerless.

This is the problem with inner conflict:

It will not only drain your energy, reduce your ability to act, and make you feel exhausted;

It can also reduce your life satisfaction and happiness, and even affect your sense of meaning.

So, having said all this, how do we overcome the spiritual infighting?

SHARE 4 effective methods. Might as well in ordinary life, more to consciously train, make them a habit.

1. Control your thoughts

Think about it: what actually happens when we get caught up in the inner turmoil of the mind?

We’re all caught up in our own negative thoughts, getting caught up in the fight against them and exhausting ourselves, aren’t we?

So, how to deal with it? So you don’t have any negative thoughts at all? Unfortunately, this is impractical, as the name implies-DMN is a“Default” state, it is the normal state of life.

But we can allow ourselves to“Tolerate” these negative thoughts and take control of them instead of letting them dominate our thinking.

1) when we have a negative thought, accept it and say, “I know, I’ll deal with it when I have time. Now leave.”.

2) keep a notebook to keep track of your negative thoughts. When they occur, jot them down and then stop thinking about them.

3) every day, or every week, set aside a certain amount of time to open the notebook and go through the negative thoughts one by one and ask:

“Is it real?”

Is it likely to happen

“Do I have a way to deal with it?”

4) once you’ve thought through these three questions, cross them out; instead, write down ways you can think of and act on them.

In this way, you can reinforce your own initiative and feel that I am in control of my thoughts and that I am capable of doing so.

Then, slowly, when you have any more negative thoughts, you will no longer be trapped by them, but can deal with them, and put them.

2.Exercise Mindfulness and perception

What is the nature of DMN? Is the brain’s“Trust horse reins.”. That is, the DMN is activated when we are not deliberately using our brains to focus on an object.

So, to reduce DMN activity, you need to exercise your ability to“Keep your attention on an object.”.

One of the most common practices is mindfulness. You can try it when you are free: find a comfortable position, close your eyes, take about 10 seconds of breathing, focus on breathing, experience the feeling of breathing, don’t mind the thoughts going back and forth in your mind, and don’t try to suppress them. Lasts about 10-15 minutes.

Another way to exercise is to stop everything you’re doing, take a deep breath or two, and ask yourself in order: What Am I seeing right now? Did you hear something? What do you smell? What did my hands and feet touch, what did it feel like? You can also close your eyes and rely on your senses to take a few steps, focusing on the sensory information in the process.

These two exercises, you can use notes to write down, whenever you think of, see the time to do it, and slowly make them a habit.

This can be very effective in strengthening your focus and increasing your ability to control your brain.

3. Attention switching and saturation

What is attention saturation? Put simply: Why are we distracted when we’re Working? The key reason is this: The Things We Do Do Don’t capture our interest 100% , and our attention is“Not saturated”, creating idle resources.

Thus, our brains activate the DMN, shifting attention from the outside to the inside to allocate these idle resources.

So, a simple way to do this is to increase the demand for attention on what we’re doing, and thus saturate it. So it doesn’t activate the DMN.

For example: When I’m working, if I’m doing something that doesn’t require a lot of attention, I’ll take a piecemeal approach. That is, open multiple projects at the same time, Project 1 work for a period of time, switch to Project 2, then work for a period of time, switch to Project 3… … and so on.

What are the benefits? You’re constantly working on a task, and after a while, your brain is bound to get tired of it, and when that happens, part of your attention is left idle, and it’s particularly easy to get distracted, it’s another thing to refocus your attention, to keep it from turning inward, to ruminate on negative thoughts.

Also, my to-do list will have a list of“Questions” that I will need to think about and make decisions about. In the time of fragments, when I’m doing nothing, I don’t turn my attention inward. Instead, I Open the list, Pick a problem, start thinking about it, and use it to fill my attention.

The secret to effective time management lies in these three lists

In other words, we can’t stop ourselves from being distracted, but we can steer the goal of distraction in a more meaningful and desirable direction.

4. Make action the default mode

From the previous analysis, you can see that the main problem with mental infighting is that it drains our motivation and blocks our action.

The reverse is also true: the most effective way to overcome mental friction is to cultivate your own habit of“Taking action”.

So here’s a simple, crude rule:

If you can’t think of a particularly powerful reason for not doing something, choose to do it first.

Think of this as an article of Faith to guide your decision-making and judgment. You can write it down on a post-it note, let yourself see it again and again, remind yourself to take action.

Many times, not to do may have a variety of reasons, may be afraid of trouble, may be a trade-off, may be afraid of uncertainty… … But without doing it, these things will always be“Unknown,” they will never be solved, they will always remain in your memory, along with the activation of the DMN and squeeze your cognitive resources.

Only by taking action can you turn the unknown into the known, the uncertainty into the certainty, and let them be placed and disposed of without disturbing your thoughts.

Action, on the other hand, is the first step in opening up your own positive feedback loop. Most of the time, it’s only when you take action that you realize that the thing I was afraid of wasn’t so terrible after all; much of my previous speculation, worry, and anxiety about it was unnecessary.

This is the first step in overcoming your self-doubt and fear.

It’s also the first step in getting rid of your inner inner turmoil.